To judge these people?

[HappyRambler]

This is prompted from a previous thread and lifestyle change. I recently gave up drink, drank heavily for many years and am 30 now. I dont preach (as that's super boring to listen to and because it's my prerogative I'm not going to force on others) and I dont care if I go out with a friend and she has water or 2 bottles of wine, makes no difference to me. But what I cant stand is people who judge others for not drinking like "you're not drinking tonight, as no fun" or "fine, if you're driving then I'll just drive to :(" or people who encourage to just have one.

I see the irony in me judging the judgers but it drives me mad! I dont go on about not drinking or say negative things about those who do drink, I drank for many years and would be a hypocrite. Also theres pros and cons of both drinking and non drinking. I just dont get why people are so judgemental about people not drinking as if it's boring or you cant have fun without a drink?

I welcome all opinions as I honestly am fascinated about the mentality of needing a drink to be or have fun! Maybe I make them feel guilty purely by sitting there with my non alcoholic drink, who knows!

But when people want to have a drink/evening out then the dynamics become changed by a ‘presence’ of a non-drinker.

Only if they get rat arsed and want someone to puke with! Who wants to be with people like this when you're over the age of 12? Alcohol isn't necessary to have a good time.

This is an interesting one. DH drinks, a beer or a glass of whisky several times a week. I don't drink, haven't for almost a decade, a personal preference as it makes me immediately tipsy and unwell (even a sip). On occasion (maybe three times in ten years), I've had a glass of wine. The first few years, he acted like I was withholding his fun by not drinking and it caused a lot of arguments. However, over time, he realised that I still like going to bars, and get a 'high' from the social interactions to the point there is basically no difference bar me not feeling sick the next day. My friends, however, never cared at all and it has made no difference to our social lives. I still am the resident cocktail maker, for example, and the queen of lewd party games.

I do agree its a UK thing. I don't live full time in the UK, and attitudes are very different. Notably, none of the three times I've had alcohol have been in the UK. It annoys me too, so yanbu. I'm hilarious sober, they couldn't handle my drunken antics anyway.

Me and my OH don't really drink anymore just because we don't like the taste of most alcohol, have a young child so don't go out in the evenings, and If I have a drink during the day I just want to go to sleep! Meanwhile my entire family are heavy drinkers, drink a lot every day and see it as normal. If we go out for a meal we always get sarcastic comments like "oh these 2 know how to have a good time with their soft drinks". I think it's sad, and seeing them always being drunk puts me off drinking even more. If we were go to an event like a wedding and didn't have to drive we would have a drink, but realistically this is about once or twice per year.

I drink but I agree, if someone does not want to drink alcohol that is their choice. I have experienced this ‘go on have a drink’ nonsense and it is very annoying for the non-drinker, especially if they want to drive afterwards.

I found this when I was pregnant and it did piss me off. People avoided me due to not drinking. I asked why and I couldn't get a straight answer but it sounded like they were embarrassed as they knew they were tipsy and talking rubbish and didn't want me to judge, also they knew I'd remember everything and they wouldn't and that made them uncomfortable. I was going out wit people who's sole aim is to get smashed though which didn't help

I think only those with drink issues would class you as boring as it makes them uncomfortable about their own consumption. I've gone to many events with non drinkers & no one cared less. It wouldn't even raise a comment, it would just be assumed it was either a health or AA thing & none of their business). The only people I've seen rant about non drinkers was an in denial alcoholic colleague who was sacked for drinking at work & a friend of a friend who disliked me on sight because I said I only drank very occasionally. She was also an alcoholic & passed away a year or two later from cirrhosis.

It's not you, it's them.

yes, a very tiresome and very British attitude! when I was at Uni it was really hard, especially young men could really put the pressure on when they realised I didn't drink, I took to accepting the drinks they bought and then passed them on to other people when the buyer was not looking, now, older and more confident, I just say no!

DH doesn't drink as he doesn't like the taste 🤷🏽‍♀️ I'm not bothered whether other people drink or not just whether or not I find their company enjoyable!

I have several non- drinking friends. The worst times have been when stuck with someone that is being tiresome because they have drunk too much...

I stopped drinking years ago after realising it made me quite ill every time. So I have had a long long time of these comments 'Oh just have the one'..'It'll make you feel happier'..'You'll be the odd one out' etc etc etc They really don't get it. Alcohol seems to have assumed such a huge importance in so many aspects of life and some drinkers don't believe that you can enjoy yourself without using it as a prop.

As a PP said what they fail to see is that many who drink are inevitably far more boring than those of us who stay teetotal and can actually remember what we said two minutes ago and not be endlessly repeating our woes or making total tits of ourselves.

Of course, and you can do plenty of non drink related events. But when people want to have a drink/evening out then the dynamics become changed by a ‘presence’ of a non drinker.

Rubbish. If you feel changed by a non drinker, that’s on you.

Most grown ups manage fine with a group of non drinkers and drinkers together.

OP YANBU. I haven’t had a drink since pregnant with DD over ten years ago. I’m fed up of the snarky comments from people about non drinkers. Thankfully family and friends have no issue with it.

It’s because it highlights how much they are drinking. I have found it’s only heavy drinkers that have a problem with someone not drinking, people who are only having a few don’t care.

I’m a recovering alcoholic and have touched a drop for 18 months. I often hear “oh just have the one”......”one won’t hurt”

It’s so inappropriate to badger a non drinker into having a drink. You never know their story. You never know how vulnerable they are in that day and may cave! It says more about their relationship with booze if you ask me. Those who are comfortable with their intake couldn’t give a hoot what I drink.

Of course, and you can do plenty of non drink related events. But when people want to have a drink/evening out then the dynamics become changed by a ‘presence’ of a non drinker

It can work the other way. Drink people are bloody annoying and can ruin a good night out. I should know. I used to be one!

I don't think they're necessarily judging you but they may not enjoy going out with you as much if you're not drinking. I rarely drink much so it doesn't bother me if I'm having a glass of wine and my friend isn't but in my student days when we used to go out to get drunk and silly it was definitely no fun if one person was sober. People want to get drunk together not have a sober person there reminding them (just by there very presence) that they're being silly.

@notsohippychick

I think the thing is very drunk and very sober people don't really mix on a night out. The presence of one ruins the fun of the other. It's not that either are necessarily doing anything wrong it's just not a fun combination.

home yes that’s true, hasn’t thought of it like that. Xx

surely what you consume should be independent of what other people have though? i'd hope i would NEVER put pressure on someone to drink, it just doesn't sit right with me at all. have had a big problem with this with a group of friends, just wouldn't take no for an answer and even bought me gin and tonics when i'd specifically said please can i have a lemonade. it upset me a little bit as it was due to health issues and i'd explained how ill the alcohol was making me feel. i ended up tipping them away. what a waste.

i think they often want other people to drink as they're bordering on having a problem themselves and don't want to stick out or for it to appear like an issue. so it makes them feel better...