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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Speaking of wedding gifts...is it CF to not sent a thank you card?

45 replies

BananaCatto · 22/06/2019 11:38

Are thank you cards for wedding gifts not a Thing anymore?

Backstory: my nephew got married abroad and it was going to cost us £3,000 to attend. We decided not to go and instead bought a few gifts and gift cards from their registry.

Due to us not attending my sister no longer speaks to me. Ignores messages, doesn’t answer the phone etc.

Weirdly John Lewis never sent me a dispatch email so 6 months after the wedding having not received a thank you card from the couple I messaged them to ask if they had received our gifts. They had.

It has now been 9 months since the wedding and clearly no thank you cards are forthcoming.

Ps. If I had known that not attending would have caused my sister to no longer speak to me then we would have just paid up and gone.

OP posts:
meditrina · 22/06/2019 11:41

Of course it's rude not to send a thank you for a gift. Not least because if sent straight from the store, people need to know the right thing arrived, so they do need to be individual.

I hope you sent a prompt thank you note to the hosts of the reception as well.

ZoeWashburne · 22/06/2019 11:43

Beyond rude. People are always saying that time got away from them, but you could easily do 5 a night for a few days and have them done. There is really no excuse not to send a nice, handwritten thank you.

I wasn't allowed to play with a gift until I wrote a thank you note when I was younger.

LagunaBubbles · 22/06/2019 11:43

I hope you sent a prompt thank you note to the hosts of the reception as well

Why would OP send a thank you note? Confused

Original poster
BananaCatto · 22/06/2019 11:43

I don’t understand your comment about a thank you to the hosts of the reception? We didn’t attend...

OP posts:
lavenderbluedilly · 22/06/2019 11:46

It’s incredibly rude. On here many will say it’s acceptable to wait up to 3 months to send a thank you note. I wrote out thank you cards as our presents arrived, and posted them the next day.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 22/06/2019 11:46

I think people should be thanked for gifts - whether that's in person, text or email or thank-you cards. For a formal occasion like a wedding then I would expect a card.

Im sorry about your sister, as clearly she is BVU. I suspect your nephew is caught in the fall-out.

BlueMerchant · 22/06/2019 11:47

They are extremely rude.
I'd be pleased I hadn't forked out more on the wedding. Even if they were upset you hadn't attended the wedding aknowledgement of the gifts should have still been forthcoming.

AldiAisleOfTat · 22/06/2019 11:48

I thank people, but cards IMO are just more unrecyclable waste

Thamantha · 22/06/2019 11:50

I am usually at one or two weddings a year, and have only once recieved a thank you card after the wedding. We did not do them when we got married. We did make a point to thank everyone for their gifts/attending the wedding but sending cards was just extra admin that we did not need.

MatildaTheCat · 22/06/2019 11:51

Of course it’s rude. Given the situation you describe I’d say the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree where your nephew is concerned.

Ihatehashtags · 22/06/2019 11:51

Very rude

meditrina · 22/06/2019 11:53

"Why would OP send a thank you note"

Because it's a perfectly normal and polite thing to do after someone has hosted you after a major event. It's the same thing as calling or texting to thank someone who has hosted you for a night out, just one step more formal as it was a more formal event.

RoseAndRose · 22/06/2019 11:54

You don't needs cards - you can use any stationery. And for people who you know prefer it, email.

But proper thanks are important

Whisky2014 · 22/06/2019 11:55

I'm gona hold my hands up here.
My husband was the one who wanted a large wedding. I'd have been happy with 30 people but he really wanted a big party etc and if we were only going to do it once we may as well do it big.
I told him i wasnt taking on all the baggage of what comes with that and that included writing think you notes.

So we started to receive gifts. I did notes for all gifts received from my side of the guests and some mutual friends. I didn't do the ones on his side or for his friends...they have still not been written.
I badgered and badgered him to do it and he just hasnt. I am embarrassed but if I give in what message does that send to him? They are his family and friends. I did my part plus a few more.

It is definitely rude.

Whisky2014 · 22/06/2019 11:56

Because it's a perfectly normal and polite thing to do after someone has hosted you after a major event.

But op didn't go!

IceCreamSoda99 · 22/06/2019 11:57

Yes it is blooming rude, but then he was raised by a mother who stops speaking to her sister when she can't shell out 3K to attend a wedding so I wouldn't expect much!

Original poster
BananaCatto · 22/06/2019 11:58

Oh yes good point PPs, no thank you was received at all! It’s not a card that I necessarily wanted, just a thank you

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 22/06/2019 11:58

Thank you cards might not be a thing but a quick thank you text or email is the minimum you can do and for most people costs nothing but time,

StarbucksSmarterSister · 22/06/2019 11:58

Because it's a perfectly normal and polite thing to do after someone has hosted you after a major event.

They didn't attend because it was too expensive.

meditrina · 22/06/2019 12:02

Oh bugger Blush

Sorry everyone!

tenlittlecygnets · 22/06/2019 12:04

Your sister is rude and insane. Not everyone has 3k to attend a destination wedding. That’s the risk you run if you choose that kind of wedding. Not to speak to you because of it - shockingly rude.

Bride and groom - very rude not to write a thank you card!

Normally, if I attend a wedding, I write to thank the hosts afterward. I also expect a thank you for any gifts I have given! That’s basic politeness.

tenlittlecygnets · 22/06/2019 12:06

I don’t think thank you’d have to be written - can be emailed, on the phone, in person. But you should say thank you! Why on earth would you not?

Sounds like apple has not fallen far from the tree with your dn.

HazelBite · 22/06/2019 12:07

All the formal weddings that I have been to in recent years, I have received a pre.printed thank you card made up of small pictures of scenes from the wedding several months after the wedding.

OP your nephew has probably been "instructed" by your sister to have no contact?

My Nephew got married in New Zealand, we couldn't afford to go or get the time off work. Similarly one of my Ds's got married in Texas last year, no-one was expected to go from the family if they couldn't afford it etc.
(neither were destination weddings but held at the respective brides homes)

OralBElectricToothbrush · 22/06/2019 12:11

They are shockingly rude. Tbh, I'd consider myself well done by that they cut you off in a strop because you didn't stump up thousands to attend their poncy destination wedding.

Malaiese · 22/06/2019 12:14

Yes I think so.

I am always miffed when I don't get a thank you card after a wedding. Did they get the gift? Did they hate it?

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