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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Speaking of wedding gifts...is it CF to not sent a thank you card?

45 replies

BananaCatto · 22/06/2019 11:38

Are thank you cards for wedding gifts not a Thing anymore?

Backstory: my nephew got married abroad and it was going to cost us £3,000 to attend. We decided not to go and instead bought a few gifts and gift cards from their registry.

Due to us not attending my sister no longer speaks to me. Ignores messages, doesn’t answer the phone etc.

Weirdly John Lewis never sent me a dispatch email so 6 months after the wedding having not received a thank you card from the couple I messaged them to ask if they had received our gifts. They had.

It has now been 9 months since the wedding and clearly no thank you cards are forthcoming.

Ps. If I had known that not attending would have caused my sister to no longer speak to me then we would have just paid up and gone.

OP posts:

Malaiese · 22/06/2019 12:15

And I don't care if it is 6+ months late, but I still like to get one.

Likepebblesonthebeach · 22/06/2019 12:24

I had thank you cards made after our wedding and included at least one photo of each of the guests at the party. I went to a good bit of effort to make the thank you notes personal. I posted or gave out all from my side and gave my husband his.... over a year later I found them all in the boot of his car.
I’m actually still fuming when I think about it. All his friends and family must think that we are ungrateful pricks.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 22/06/2019 12:30

We sent thank you notes to everyone who attended regardless of whether they gave a present, if they did we specifically thanked them for the gift they'd given, and also to those who sent gifts but couldn't attend. We got married abroad but had a big catered party when we got back for those who couldn't travel, we didn't stop talking to people over it!

Orangesox · 22/06/2019 14:19

YANBU

It really is quite rude to not thank someone for a gift; personally, we had cards printed with our favourite wedding picture, and hand wrote each card with a mention of the gift we received from each family or individual. We were bought raised to give thanks for gifts, often it will be in the form of an email or a telephone call, but for formal events we always issue thank you cards.

As for your sister, she needs to get some perspective!

SilverySurfer · 22/06/2019 15:19

We did make a point to thank everyone for their gifts/attending the wedding but sending cards was just extra admin that we did not need.

I take it accepting and using the gifts you received wasn't just extra admin that you did not need?

I think it's very rude not to send a thank you card.

Vulpine · 22/06/2019 15:25

I do not expect a Thank you card after I give a gift. Usually they say thanks in person.

MediaMum1224 · 22/06/2019 15:30

I think they are incredibly rude! Surely saying thank you (verbally, via text or by card) is just standard when you receive a gift?!
My BIL got married abroad last year, we had a newborn and couldn’t attend, we bought them a gift, and they sent us a thank you card afterwards. Standard and polite behaviour!

Heatherjayne1972 · 22/06/2019 15:32

When we got married a hundred years ago we had a table which people put gifts on
Later in the evening someone helpfully collected all the cards together in a pile and the presents were moved and put in our room
Later we arrived to find a pile of cards and a pile of gifts and no idea what came from who
No way could we match card to present. So it’s not always possible to send them

Vulpine · 22/06/2019 15:35

You should give without expecting anything back surely

Pipandmum · 22/06/2019 15:45

I thanked every one that gave me a wedding gift with a hand written card. I believe my husband wrote to those on his side (if he didn’t I did but can’t remember).
I have taught my kids to thank people who have given them gifts, but now they only write to the people who have sent them and who they can’t thank in person. However my 14 year old daughter was sent four gifts her last birthday and she took weeks to get round to it! I was quite embarrassed!

CheeseIsEverything · 22/06/2019 15:51

I'd expect a thank you but I wouldn't care if that came via text, email, in person or card.

As long as I was thanked in some way or another I couldn't care less about receiving a physical card.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 22/06/2019 15:53

The last two weddings we attended we didn’t get an acknowledgement.

One of them was, as requested, a gift card. I’m left wondering did they get it? Did someone swipe it? Do they think we didn’t bother getting them a gift?
The other couple split up within the year and the wife, who wasn’t our friend the groom was, got everything.

dottiedodah · 22/06/2019 16:40

It seems a shame that your sister is being so unforgiving about this,Did you speak with her and tell her you couldnt afford it?.TBH I would drop her a line and explain that you really wanted to attend but was unable to due to the high cost!.Explain that you sent them a gift. Thats all you can do TBH

Divebar · 22/06/2019 16:55

I can’t think of a wedding I’ve been to where I didn’t receive a thank you note of some kind. But then I give & receive similar after children’s parties so I obviously roll in polite circles.

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 22/06/2019 16:57

It's so rude not to send a thank you. Still waiting for one from my sibling's wedding. It's only been nearly 5 years.

PenCreed · 22/06/2019 17:02

We got ours out within two months, a time which included our honeymoon and a house move. Beyond rude to not do them! I have occasional fear that I missed someone off.

I was once a bridesmaid, bought a gift that I knew the couple wanted and was quite pricey (to me) and never received a thank you. Still pissed off about that. One of the other bridesmaids also didn’t get one. Neither of us were particularly upset in the end when the bride ditched us two years later.

Drum2018 · 22/06/2019 17:03

Whatever about a thank you card I can't believe they hadn't even acknowledged receiving the gifts, even by text. But given your sister is a class A asshole then no doubt the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Honestly - to stop talking to you just because you didn't attend her precious child's wedding? It's pathetic.

Whoops75 · 22/06/2019 17:05

We were invited to a wedding recently by e-mail. Dh rsvp that we couldn’t attend and we heard nothing so I’m wondering if they received it or are they annoyed. Thought we might get a. ‘ no problem thanks for the good wishes’ reply.

I think it’s probably an insult to skip a family wedding and we’re being ignored.

I think you should let it go op YANU

BreconBeBuggered · 22/06/2019 17:12

I seldom get any kind of thanks for wedding gifts these days. It's rarely something I've chosen and handed over either: it's usually cash or something ordered online which I never see. I'm not bothered about the missing thanks, but it would be nice to know the gift was received.

MsMarvellous · 22/06/2019 17:18

We were mortified it took 6 weeks to send ours. There was an issue at the printers! Not saying thank you is just rude.

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