AIBU to think of a 5 year old toddler a bully?

[bakingmads]

Is 'bully' a word that can be associated with someone so young?

This kid, let's call her Ruby. She's had issues throughout nursery. Apparently struggled playing with more than one kid at one time and is known for always excluding other kids.

Well turns out she's still doing it now at primary school. But what's interesting is it seems so calculated. And she says really mean things.

Is it possible for a kid that age to be 'bullying' or is the kid 'just establishing boundaries' lien her mum says. Do all kids say mean things to each other?

Ya u for calling a 5 year old a toddler.

Some kids are mean, yes. Bullying is more of a learnt behaviour in my mind, most children treat others similarly to how they are treated.

5 years old is not a toddler.

A 5 year old can be a bully but not a toddler.

5 year old toddler???

A 5 year old is not a toddler lol. As toddler is 1-2 3-4 preschooler and a 5 year old is a school age child.

At this age children are learning what it socially acceptable. Though you do learn what you live. Is your DC in their class?
BTW 5 year old is not a toddler - they're a child

A 5yo isn't a toddler, and I wouldn't call them a bully either, even though their behaviour can come across like that. Not all children have that mean streak, but many do, it's often normal.

What are you actuall trying to work out? It's not okay to label a small child as a bully, you just have to respond to the behaviour as it occurs and the child probably needs extra help on learning how to be a good friend.

A 5 year old is not a toddler

They can display bullying behaviour of course but it might be nice to see if there’s perhaps a reason behind it rather than labelling a 5 year old child “a bully”

You cant be a toddler and a bully.

At the heart of bullying is saying/doing things with the intention of hurting/upsetting/excluding others. So it depends on whether her behaviour is calculated to do that or whether its the unintended consequence of her trying to meet her own needs (either way it needs dealing with).

Ime most 5 year old bullies Ive met have poor empathy and social skills and have little understanding or thought for how their words/actions affect others.

Sorry that should read five year old "bullies". Ive never met a 5 year old I thought was actually setting out with the intention of bullying.

I wouldn’t write off a 5 year old. They are still learning cause and effect.

At 5 I think they're still learning social skills and how to handle emotions and deal with situations that don't go their way.

I don't think most of them are capable of understanding someone else's feelings fully or feeling empathy in relating to others, so I'd think it was uncommon if they fully realised and intended to hurt someone else in a calculated way.

Children of this age can certainly be bullies but they can be 'reformed' if the behaviour is dealt with properly.

A. 5 year old can be a bully they are more aware of the result of their actions than people think but defo not a toddler

A child is a toddler until 36 months . This 5 year old bully hasn't been a toddler for a couple of years.

There was a girl like that at my DD nursery. A real 'bully' and kids were scared of her. She calmed down a tiny bit at primary school, but still very much a push over. She then went to secondary school, still vocal, getting into some trouble, but nothing much. By 5hectimecshe went to college, she was a friendly pleasant girl. She is now at Uni and absolutely lovely, works PT with elderly people who love her. She is bright and caring.

Some kids are like this but they learn social skills and grow up to be lovely teens/adults.

I don't know if a 5 year old would have the capacity to target and sustain a bullying campaign against another child.
More likely they would just be nasty to anyone getting in their way.
However it isn't just " testing boundaries" , 5 year old understand that saying mean things, making someone sad, etc... is wrong. There should be consequences for her acting this way.

A 5 yo can be a bully, yes, and can do some really horrible things. Often female bullying presents as exclusion or teasing rather than violence or name-calling due to the way a lot of parents raise their girls in early childhood. This is more damaging than physical altercations at that age. If she is bullying you need to file a complaint every time and let the school investigate and deal with it.

And in my experience a child using mind games to bully at 5 doesn’t tend to improve as they get older; they just become better at hiding it.

I wouldn't describe it as bullying at that age but it's behaviour because it's still normal to not have well developed social skills or empathy at 5 years old. That doesn't mean it's OK though and the adults in the situation should be acting to help her learn to behave more kindly towards other kids and teaching her what the acceptable limits are.

if she establishing boundaries someone (an adult) needs to make sure she knows where they are & correct her when she oversteps them?

YABU. A five year old is not a toddler. I see a toddler as a walking baby not yet steady on their feet. Many people use it to mean two year old children as well, but certainly not a five year old!

I wouldn't normally say a 5 year old can be a bully but I did know this kid once, since he is was born until around 8, and he was the nastiest, most horrid kid you could ever meet. His brothers a sisters were all nice normal kids... It wouldn't surprise me if he ended up in prison for murdering someone tbh.

Apologies for calling a 5 year old a toddler. I guess I still see them as so innocent which is why it's hard to figure out.

We were all kinda told that 'Ruby' has a tendency to exclude kids but it's just her figuring out her 'boundaries'.

There has been a couple of major incidents where it had been noted by the teacher. But I'm not sure if 'Ruby's' parents had been talked to. I do know the teacher has talked to her and explain that her actions caused hurt to my daughter.

We have tried to encourage our daughter to make other friends who are kind to her and don't say unkind things.

Thought this was over but it seems everytime my daughter makes a friend, ' Ruby' comes back in, seeks my daughter's friendship and the new friend and then 2 days later, pushes my daughter out again.

So for the last few months, it's been this vicious circle where she has a few good days and days and days of being upset and crying.

Just at my wits end by all this especially all the unkind and hurtful comments both from 'Ruby' and her new friends.

It's got to the point where my daughter is crying her heart out, not wanting to go to school. Crying all the way home.

Just pains us. Don't know how to move forward from this.

5 - so year 1 or 2, plus some nursery? Should be learning how to behave and treat other children by now I would have thought.

Some kids can be horrible - I had my own ‘Ruby’ in primary 2 (when I was 4) - she was Angela and quite unpleasant. She must’ve grown or if it because I don't remember her bullying me after P2.

I'm so sorry, OP, that must be heartbreaking.

My DD1 has been excluded by other girls in her class, but this wasn't the case at age 5. (She didn't really have any friends, she has SEN and still struggles socially, but it wasn't a case of other children being unkind at that age.)

It clearly is the case that children of 5 years old can be unkind, some really do lack empathy. At that age, though, I would be inclined to put it down mainly to poor parenting, as I believe all children can be taught to treat others as they would like to be treated.