To say to my fil, wow what bad manners

[Lardlizard]

When he’s having yet again another dig at me
For being a Sahm

What did he say? Did his wife work when the kids were little.

WTF has it got to do with him? Not his business, not his life, not his decision. Tell him to wind his neck in and learn some basic manners.

I said a comment about
Something I was planning on getting done, and he replied that should be easy as I’m at home all day long

He wasn’t in dh life until dh was 8
So he doesn’t know what young children are like

that should be easy as I’m at home all day long
He sounds really old school. What's the reason for him not being there for the first 8 years of his child's life?

Well I guess if there is something you plan to do during the day it will be easier given you are a sahm. I say this as someone who was a sahm. My life seemed much easier than DHs working life.

Oh he’s she’s stepdad

She’s stepdad

That doesn't sound particularly rude to me. Since you are at home all day I would assume that you have much more freedom to plan whatever it is n a way that works for you around your other responsibilities than someone who works out of the home all day under the nose of their boss.

Dh stepdad

Sorry stupid autocorrect !

Trust me it really was his tone was so rude

What was it you were planning to do? Some people just don't understand how difficult it is to get things done when you're a SAHM.

Is there a backstory? When I was a SAHM I got these comments all the time plus I was parcel taker-inner for the neighbours and errand runner for various friends and family. Didn't bother me because it was a fact that I was home and certain things were easier.

Or do you mean you said "oh I got to paint the front room" and DFIL said "that should be easy you are home all day" as if you are able to paint a room while looking after DC?

Fil has repeatedly said to me I’m selfish and neglectful for going back to work after having ds. Yet if I was to be a sahm I’d be scrounging off of dh. Can’t win.

Em yes your right, if I was doing something else he would have a pop at me about that too
You are so right there

So he fucked off and didn't do any parenting for 8 years and he's criticising you for looking after your child?

Just ask him what does he know - he was an absent parent!

He is a stepfather, how is that an absent father?

@SavingSpaces2019 - the FIL is the DHs STEP father not an absent father who didn't pitch up for 8 years.

TBH OP your story is too scant to comment on, but I suppose there must be a back story.

I mean you can go in all ultra sarcastic but will this impact on DHs relationship with his mother. Have you tried a simple "not really any of your business is it Fred, I really cant understand why you're so interested in out domestic arrangements"

My DP’s Grandad is like this, he’s just really old fashioned. I have challenged him on his remarks though, I don’t think he appreciated it. In his day women did as they were told and all that, I don’t stand for it.

If your children are at school, then I don’t really see a problem-he’s right. If you have a toddler, I would laugh and say-yeah, you get loads done with x around as you can imagine!

Obviously, there might be a massive Backstory here you haven’t given us.

I wouldn't see it as a rude comment, I actually said to a tradesman recently, I'm home all day, so whenever suits you, it's not like I'm working at the moment (mat leave). I've also offered for family to have things delivered to our address, if they just let me know the day in advance I can be around for the delivery because it's much easier for me than them taking time off work etc. You sound a bit sensitive

I'm on maternity leave and my fil keeps making jokes about how I'm sat on my arse 😳 I'm not sure who he thinks has cleaned the whole house, prepared everything for baby and still had him round for a completely homemade tea yesterday while about to pop....

Sorry my point was I feel your pain 🤦🏻‍♀️

My dad has been known to say that because I’m working part time. I end up telling him yes he knows what it is to do be at home all day as a pensioner

One possible difference is that I know my dad isnt saying that maliciously. It’s more of a bad joke (and being from another era where sexism was ok). If it was malicious, I would have gone in guns blazing

hardly rude imo i used to laugh it off and say, ' why comment about me being a sahm, are you jealous or something? least i'm my own boss, no one tells be what to do'