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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be policed by male cyclists: q for other female riders

74 replies

Randomneim · 21/06/2019 15:13

Hi bike ladies of MN, I'm an experienced and v careful rider who makes few signalling mistakes, but today I made an error. I was on a two-lane bikes only separated path, and cut across the other lane of the bike path to stop and get off my bike. I looked behind me and thought there was nobody coming either way, and failed to signal right. Turns out there was another bike coming up behind really fast, and he had to swerve briefly to get out of the way. (no cars involved, this was all in the separated bike lane). I was mortified, apologised twice to the other rider, vigorously, and he said equally vigorously and with good humour that it was OK, we made eye contact and smiled and it was an appropriate exchange after my error, which I very much acknowledged and have learned from.

Seconds later, another dude comes by, middle aged and in full mamil getup, and gave me what felt like a scolding, saying 'you don't know how close that was!' I said as he passed, 'I know! I feel really bad!' but I wanted to add: stop telling off female cyclists!' but it was too late. AIBU to think that he shouldn't have told me off? I was there riding in a very un-mamil way, in a long skirt, pointy pumps and (unusally for me) no hemet with long hair. There's always plausible denial for microaggressions (it's not because you were a woman! It's because you made a mistake! etc) but am I right in feeling that this is part of a pattern where young female cyclists get told how to be riders by older men? In any case, I'll never bl&&dy not signal again. Thanks for reading my rant.

OP posts:
LikeDolphinsCanSwin · 21/06/2019 16:20

The entirety of France does this every day with no issues.

Doesn’t it get caught in the chain? Or covered in oil? I occasionally ride in skinny jeans if I’m not going far, but I have ones specifically for the purpose because the right leg gets all oily.

VivienneHolt · 21/06/2019 16:21

I expect you’re right OP - as you say, there’s a ways plausible deniability but in the real world you know that sexism explains a lot of it!

Randomneim · 21/06/2019 16:27

@dolphins
You can get a chain guard fitted which will prevent this problem. Some bikes are easier to fit chain guards on than others, but if you have a reasonably standard city bike, it should be quick and inexpensive (part might be up to 20 quid and labour will be short or included if you buy the part from that shop). Really does solve the problem. Skirts also fine.

OP posts:
Randomneim · 21/06/2019 16:28

"I'm not anti-male, I'm anti-patriarchy, I'm anti-misogyny, anti-sexism.

Please have some t-shirts printed with this on them. I'd buy one."
Same

OP posts:
Siameasy · 21/06/2019 16:33

It definitely does feel like sexism but you’d never prove it
I’d love to see men being patronising to some big hulking bloke and get punched on the nose
Also I’ve never received this type of “advice” from a female. Nor have I ever witnessed a female dishing it out to a male altho they may do if there was a power imbalance eg a “doddery old man” driving. That’s basically what it is to me; men feel entitled to comment because they feel they are in charge.
I always got “advice” at the gym altho less so now I’m 40+ and look extremely sour

jasjas1973 · 21/06/2019 16:41

Well, OP the original cyclist that you almost took out was equally at fault here, he should have seen you look behind and slowed, anticipating issues - over taking another cyclist at speed is just irresponsible, he cannot just assume you are going straight ahead, bikes don't have mirrors or indicators.

When you r on a bike you have to ride for other people as well as yourself, bicycle accidents invariably add up in hospital or the morgue.

As for the other guy? just a knob, a knob who rides a bike, no doubt one at home and when in a car.

Scorpvenus1 · 21/06/2019 16:45

I vehemently hate cyclists

Snog · 21/06/2019 22:22

Aren't most people cyclists though?

Randomneim · 22/06/2019 11:58

haha there should be an equivalent to Godwin's law about how long it takes for a blanket 'I hate cyclists' comment to appear on any thread related to cycling...
For everyone else, thanks for your insights and your input! I am quite new to mumsnet and it is such a great hive mind!

OP posts:
MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 22/06/2019 12:31

I am beginning to think that anyone not cycling somewhere for something should be barred from cycle paths and be sent to some velodrome somewhere until they morph into Bradley Wiggins

If you want to cycle at top speed and pretend you are wearing a yellow vest FRO from the public domain and compete with your fellow MAMILs

honeygirlz · 22/06/2019 12:44

He shouldn't have stuck his oar in and it probably was because you're a woman, but YABU was using uncommon acronyms, what on earth in mamil and unmamil?

jasjas1973 · 22/06/2019 12:58

@Scorpvenus1
Thats weird, i mean what would do if your best friend took up cycling? or one of your relies? perhaps the 81 yo cycling from Lands End to John O groats to raise money for Mcmillan Cancer.

Reserve "Hate" for child killers or rapists! not normal people who aren't harming you,
after all, in your polluting car, you are the one killing the planet for your kids.

Consider some therapy for your anger or better still buy a bike and use the car a little less?
Exercise will help lower your v considerable stress levels, increase your mood & reduce your blood pressure.

Lifeover · 22/06/2019 13:17

Don’t you know cycling is a male preserve, it’s replaced golf ever since women started asking to come along to golf days. They don’t want us trying to muscle in on their days in tight shorts. No wonder you were told off op, now get back in the kitchen whilst the men do their hobby

Vulpine · 22/06/2019 15:12

I got 'told off' by a middle aged female cyclist recently for cycling too close. I think some people are just bossy busy bodies regardless of gender.

PinkPeppercorns · 22/06/2019 16:14

Sorry, OP, but this man absolutely wouldn't have said anything to you if you'd have been a man. Whether it was genuine concern or policing is irrelevant, he still wouldn't have said anything if you'd been a bloke. That, for me, is the crux of it. That men feel entitled to women's time and attention the way they don't to men's.

I wonder if it's an experience issue rather than a gender one. I imagine he would have reacted the same to a bloke in non-lycra, a child or a young person who he perceives to be less experienced. I doubt he would have told off another cyclist in lycra - male or female.

I'm female and have told people off a couple of times - both were men and both were endangering pedestrians when the pedestrians had right of way.

jasjas1973 · 22/06/2019 20:32

@Lifeover

check out Widger Spoke Easies? an all women only cycling club with i guess around 80 members, based in a town where there probably isn't 80 women!!!

AnthonyCrowley · 22/06/2019 21:07

I was just reading a thread on a cycling forum and a male cyclist got told off by a random female pedestrian for not wearing a helmet. So it seems that women are just as capable about policing men at times.

Lifeover · 23/06/2019 08:03

@jasjas1973 I guess I’m just macho man in shorts at work jaded. All alpha male posturing (but the way I cycle -as a means of transport though)

Scott72 · 23/06/2019 08:29

If a female cyclist had told you off in the same fashion you'd probably feel almost as annoyed. I don't think this is really a case of "mansplaining". Where I am though it is illegal to ride a bicycle without a helmet, so riding without a helmet seems a bit strange and reckless to me now (although I used to do it all the time before they introduced the law many years ago).

notyetsleepingthrough · 23/06/2019 08:36

been there. And yes, I think you are more likely to get comments when wearing a skirt. And I can only ever think of the good comments later!!!

Mendips · 23/06/2019 09:33

That sounds nothing to do with whether you are male or female. However YABU for not wearing a helmet

BullBullBull · 23/06/2019 09:50

Nothing to do with you being female

dirtydennis

You have no idea if the man would’ve shouted at another man so stop trying to push it that he wouldn’t have.

I’ve seen plenty of arguments between men

avalanching · 23/06/2019 09:55

I don't think this was a sexism issue. You made a mistake that could have caused a nasty accident, he was just reacting to that. If we keep crying sexism at every reaction we dilute the core issues.

Neolara · 23/06/2019 09:55

I ride my bike every day. As far as I can remember, the only person who has made a comment to me was another cyclist when I stopped without signalling. She had a point.

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