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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - children and swear words

35 replies

BrainFart · 21/06/2019 14:56

Disagreement with exW over acceptable words for kids.

Kids (8 & 7) are growing up in France with me (British) and my exW, their DM (French). We are separated. At my house I allow them to say "bugger off" and "bloody hell" as they don't bother me (grew up surrounded by builders, fluent in the whole lexicon of swearing by their age, although seriously bollocked if I actually used them out loud). This upsets exW who thinks they are too strong for their age-group.

Not lived in the UK for 20 years, so perhaps my swearing register is off, but AIBU to allow the kids to say "bugger off" and "bloody hell" ?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 21/06/2019 15:01

At that age, I definitely wouldn't let them say it and I'd be careful about letting them hear it.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 21/06/2019 15:03

I think they are strong words for children of that age group to use. If they slipped out in inapropriate company such as in front of a teacher, they could be in a lot more trouble than expressing the same sentiment with milder words.

forkfun · 21/06/2019 15:10

I always tell my kids they can think every word they like, but they can't say certain words. Works very well, though sometimes my younger ones says "I'm thinking words now!" when he gets angry at me.

CountFosco · 21/06/2019 15:10

I am a terrible swearer. If the DC swear (they are 11, 10 and 6) they get told I don't care about swearing but teachers and grandparents do so don't do it in front of them.

Bloody and hell aren't that strong individually but most adults wouldn't want to hear that phrase from a child. Bugger is a funny one, in some places it's not considered that bad, in others it's much stronger but again most adults wouldn't want to hear a child say it.

mbosnz · 21/06/2019 15:11

I would think it inappropriate for them to use around adults. I have absolutely no illusions as to the fluency of my kids in the vernacular, but they were given to understand there would be hell to pay if they were caught swearing around adults, or at other people.

This has stood them in fairly good stead. Their extremely uptight grandmother still clings to the illusion that they are paragons of virtue, and their teachers think they're not utterly revolting.

SpinsterOfArts · 21/06/2019 15:21

I think it's absolutely fine provided that they understand there are circumstances in which they shouldn't use the words. That can't be determined by age, you know your children and whether they have that level of understanding.

I think some people are very uptight about 'children swearing' - my dad told me off for saying 'bloody hell' aged 14, to someone else but within his hearing - when his vocabulary around me was considerably more colourful. At that point it was just plain hypocritical and I knew it.

NotSoThinLizzy · 21/06/2019 15:22

If they are using them when things go wrong like dropping things ect not just using them all the time I think it's fine. As long as they know the 'rules' around other people like teachers I'm my books it's fine.

AnnPerkins · 21/06/2019 15:24

"I'm thinking words now!" Grin

CassianAndor · 21/06/2019 15:26

I loathe hearing children swear, absolutely loathe it. I couldn't articulate why, I just think it sounds vile and completely puts me off both them and their parents. I would be unlikely to encourage a friendship with a child who swore like this.

Hopeygoflightly · 21/06/2019 15:29

Personally I think allowing children to swear is crass. I have a few acquaintances who think it’s edgy or cool to let their kids talk like that but it’s cringy to me and I don’t have their kids round as I don't want them getting in like that.

PhannyPharts · 21/06/2019 15:56

YABU - as there is an entire lexicon of non swear word alternatives for bugger off and bloody hell which wouldn't cause a reaction.

Jeezoh · 21/06/2019 16:02

If kids used those words at a UK school, they’d be reprimanded, which is a good indicator of the appropriateness of it. I’m with your ex.

Notmymonkeys · 21/06/2019 16:08

Well I must be a terrible parent because I swear freely around my kids and if they swear (rarely happens tbh) I just remind them that although it’s fine at home the rules are different elsewhere. And that it is never ok to swear at another person, just as it is never ok to be verbally abusive in any way at all.

They are just words. Useful ones at that. I insist that my children have good manners, are articulate and can express themselves clearly with a wide vocabulary, and are respectful and courteous toward others.

I find the English attitude to swearing weird and fairly hypocritical.

Nesssie · 21/06/2019 16:08

YABU
Also, if your child is saying bugger off to someone then it also rude.

LauraPalmersBodybag · 21/06/2019 16:10

I wouldn’t be ok with that, op

LL83 · 21/06/2019 16:10

Yabu. I might turn a blind eye if I overheard them say it but they shouldn't be saying it routinely. Others parents may be put off their children aying with them, they will get into trouble and school and their mum doesn't like it. It's hardly a human right to swear why fight her on this?

littlepeaegg · 21/06/2019 16:11

I can't stand children that swear or use language like that! My son is 7 and if he told me to bugger off I'd be livid! But each to their own!

CassianAndor · 21/06/2019 16:12

Not yes, the kid at DD's school, who taught all the other kids all the swear words in the book (including the 'n' word, always such a good idea in a school with a large black population) at aged 7 has parents who think like you.

AyBeeCee10 · 21/06/2019 16:12

It's so disgusting , vulgar and uncouth to hear swearing in general but to hear it from children is so much worse.

xrebekah · 21/06/2019 16:20

Definitely not the worst words they could use. I just heard a boy (probs 7/8) at the park call another kid a "dirty paki bastard" whilst his child minder just watched and did nothing

Nesssie · 21/06/2019 16:22

If I heard a child swear I would assume they picked it up from their parents swearing at them. So I would judge your parenting.

Pinkmouse6 · 21/06/2019 16:22

I don’t really consider those swear words. They’re not pleasant words I’d want my DC to use but not swear words either.

LakieLady · 21/06/2019 16:27

I am a terrible swearer. If the DC swear (they are 11, 10 and 6) they get told I don't care about swearing but teachers and grandparents do so don't do it in front of them.

My sweary parents took the same line as you, CountFosco.

The first time I said "fuck", my mother calmly explained that it was ok at home, but not really ok elsewhere and never, ever at school, or in front of grandma or Auntie Eileen.

The upstairs neighbours, who were more like an aunt and uncle, roared with laughter when, after one of them recounted some tale or other, I piped up "And did you tell him to fuck off, Uncle Peter?"

I think bugger and bloody hell are perfectly fine, OP.

IsabellaLinton · 21/06/2019 16:42

It’s awful hearing bad language from children. There’s just no need.

BarryBarryTaylor · 21/06/2019 16:44

I wouldn’t encourage children of that age to say bloody hell and bugger, but I don’t particularly class them as swear words other.
I would make it clear that some people don’t like hearing those words, and they should think of something else to say instead.

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