AIBU - children and swear words

[BrainFart]

Disagreement with exW over acceptable words for kids.

Kids (8 & 7) are growing up in France with me (British) and my exW, their DM (French). We are separated. At my house I allow them to say "bugger off" and "bloody hell" as they don't bother me (grew up surrounded by builders, fluent in the whole lexicon of swearing by their age, although seriously bollocked if I actually used them out loud). This upsets exW who thinks they are too strong for their age-group.

Not lived in the UK for 20 years, so perhaps my swearing register is off, but AIBU to allow the kids to say "bugger off" and "bloody hell" ?

YABU, I think they’re too young for that language.

Who are they telling to bigger off?

Heh, my phone censored me.

I mean "bugger" means sodomise. Not really appropriate for young children

Your place is your place but at that age can children really differentiate when it is appropriate to use? You say yourself you couldn’t and got into trouble for it. If they use the words at school what would happen?

What have builders got to do with it? Why does France matter? Is it because you think people won’t understand or take offence to swearing in English?

Swearing is a habit for many, looks like you have started them on that road young.

Thank you for the comments, it would appear to be about at 80/20 split that IABU. Which doesn't surprise me much but perhaps I didn't give it enough thought.

To be clear, they are only allowed to say these things to me, at home, at times when it would be "appropriate" (e.g. if I walk in on them on the toilet or getting dressed for example, they can tell me to "bugger off" if they are flustered).

I'm not 'encouraging' it per se, but the rationale was that I don't find these words offensive, and this is a little bit of permissiviness to make sure the other "adults-only words", as I describe swear words to them, are definitively off limits but without trying to be too hypocritical when I end up swearing in front of them (it's not great, but in the heat of the moment when someone cuts you up or bad news is received, it happens) or them wishing to copy the words that occasionally crop up in the Marvel films we all enjoy as a family.

@princecaspian

The builders and France was just to flesh out background, of no particular importance. They have been told not to say these things at school. As the only English people here, I got one of the local 11-year olds eagerly practicing his English on me and proudly told me to "fuck off". He was left in no doubt that a repeat would not be tolerated.

I am terrible for swearing. I never heard a single swear word growing up, until I was about 11 and discovered South park and Eminem, then I thought it was hilarious. My DD picked up in my swearing, to start with we said it was grown up words and she was fine with it and never did it again, until we shot ourselves in the foot when she was starting school and said she looked so grown up, she then hurt her foot, I asked her how and she replied "on the bloody stairs", I tried to tell her they were grown up words and she came back at me with "I am grown up now, you said so" so instead I went with, ok but not outside of the house.
She has never sworn again.

Swearing is weird. A friend of mine told her kids that kids shouldn't swear in front of grown ups and grown ups shouldn't swear in front of kids which I quite like.

Another says swear to be funny but don't swear at people.

I'm still trying to navigate it and I have one kid who loves swearing (with words and fingers) and one who hates it.

To my shame I find the sweary one hilarious.

It always used to baffle me that if I accidentally said a swear word, (which I learned from them) even as a teen, my parents would reply with “stop fucking swearing”

We do swear a lot in this house but we are so careful not to swear in front of the dc

(e.g. if I walk in on them on the toilet or getting dressed for example, they can tell me to "bugger off" if they are flustered).

Yeah, it just doesn’t sit right. I’d want to encourage them to voice their opinions. Like, “mum! I want some privacy please!”.

Yes YABU. Whilst they might not mean much to you the kids will get into trouble using such words in school etc so it would be wrong to teach them they are normal everyday words