To not want to pay MIL for baby sitting...

[Bibijayne]

Sorry - I know the title is a bit goady, but I couldn't think of a way to phrase the issue succinctly. This is a bit AIBU and a bit WWYD.

My DH and I have a lovely 10 month old DC. I am back at work and DH is on SPL. I had a good chunk of leave which I am using to work part-time of full-time pay until I drop to 3.5 days in September.

DH has flexitime and WFH every Tuesday (he can start at 7am and be wrapped up by 1pm due to Flexi).

We have enrolled our DC 2.5 days in nursery.

My parents (retired) live 10 minutes away. My sister (also flexitime) and her DH are also 10 minutes away. We have lots of friends. Including many within walking distance. A good friend has recently qualified as a registered childminder. All of whom are happy to help on an as hoc basis of needed.

We are covered for childcare (regular and emergency).

MIL lives 1.5 hours away.

But MIL keeps trying to push us to let her babysit and have DC for an overnight. Which we don't really need at the moment/ not ready for. We have thanked her for the offer, but been fairly neutral.

We've said she's welcome to come up and see DC. Especially as her own DC (my DH) is off until the end of July.

She's not really bothered. Has come up only a couple of times. No worries. She's welcome, but if she's busy that's okay.

Then yesterday she came up. But to see my parents (ostensibly about something else, but really about the following). She did not bother to see DH or our DC.

She was telling my parents that she should babysit, especially on weekends as we MUST go away without our DC. And she wanted to know what my parents thought she should charge us for this. Her reasoning was that a friend of hers is regular childcare for her DGC and gets paid for it.

I'm just baffled.

She wants to charge us for a service we have not asked for and do not need. That she is trying to insist we must do. She's not hard up. So this isn't a money issue. My DH and his siblings have given and loaned her money in the last when it has been needed.

She's not brought this to DH and I... Yet. Not sure how on earth to tackle this without causing her to throw a strop.

WWYD MNers?

Oh yeah, having begged for pictures and videos multiple times. She has now said I ended too many (a couple every week). Oh well, no more pictures for granny.

Aha.

At least your DH is on side, which will make this easier!

United front
Bland smiles
Don't initiate contact
Remember that confusion is an excellent weapon with jealous shit stirrers 'Sorry MIL I just don't understand - you did say I was sending too many photos so I thought I'd leave it for a while?'
Lots of 'nos' all with a smile. Core of steel.
Don't tell her very much about your own lives.

My ex-laws virtually used to pay us so they could have their grandchild for the night! - they'd give us money to have a night off and go and go out for a meal or something.

She sounds awful. Let your husband do all the communicating with her and just keep things polite, bright and breezy between the two of you. Don’t rise to anything she says, when she realises she isn’t going to get a reaction out of you she’ll get bored and move onto something or someone else.

Just be thankful she lives so far away and therefore it’s unlikely you will have to see her very often.

Thanks everyone. Her behaviour the last year has seemed super strange to everyone (DH and his siblings included).

She's beginning to sound like a person who would be unsafe to leave your child with.

It's concerning that you say that this is a change in behaviour.

If there's been a real change in behaviour has your DH or any of his siblings checked that everythink is alright?

I don't ever bandy this arround but depending on the change in behaviour and your Mil's age(although not everyone this happens to is over a certain age)I'd be slightly worried about dementia,alzheimer's or parkinsons)we've had to deal with all 3 of those terrible conditions within my family.

If she's not ill and she's just being bloody horrible and I'd have as little as possible to do with her.

My sympathies OP. It can be very hurtful when inlaws try to use you as a means of getting cash out of you for themselves.

Oh my. Next time she pushes you to leave your child with her you’ll have to absolutely be honest.
After your recent behaviour and conversations with my parents, I do not trust you to look after my child. But thanks for the offer.

As a side note... is she ok? Can’t behaviour like this be a sign of dementia?

Oh yeah, having begged for pictures and videos multiple times. She has now said I ended too many (a couple every week)

How bizarre. If I were a granny, I'm quite sure it would be impossible to send me too many pictures of my DGC. And, after all, if she really thinks you send too many, she can simply choose not to click on them and/or to delete them.

You've loaned her money before & she's looking for a way to get money now. So it's a pattern. Online gambling habit? Credit card debt? Just because she looks OK financially doesn't mean she is. She might just be good at putting a front on. I'd get DP to do some digging.

@CSIblonde none of the above. This isn't a money thing.

I would politely tell her thank you but no thank you I'm shocked at this it would be different if she was regularly needed to babysit

She sounds batshit! I wouls just act oblivious and still offer to let her come round/go to hers for a couple of hours as a family.