Inheritance or gift?

[YellowWolf]

My MIL recently passed away & left DH a sum in the region of £80k. He says she left it to him, & that it's not "the inheritance" as his father is still alive. We have been married for more than 20 years & have children. I know if we divorced the money would be included in the marital assets. I believe the money is ours. AIBU?

Is your DH normally tight fisted, mean and selfish? Regardless of the legal position he’s showing himself to be a real arsehole isn’t he?

Money from the death of a parent is surely inheritance

Why does it matter if it was a gift or inheritance? Is he planning on using it all for himself? Do you usually have shared finances?

Make sure he spends it on something that can become an asset then ltb.

What does her will say? I'm always bit funny about inheritance because it's a funny situation because his father is still alive. I was given money from an auntie early, it was gifted to be me and up to me what I did with it but I chose to put it towards a family holiday. Hes likely still grieving was her death sudden?

Does your dh not see it as family money?

Why does it matter? Is he claiming that you are not entitled to any say over how it is used?

Hmmm, not enough info to vote. How did the conversation come about, and how recently did MIL die?

If it was last week and you've said, "Ooh, great! We can get the kitchen done," then YABU. But if it was a few months and he's booked himself a round-the-world cruise without talking to you first then YANBU.

Some more info: She died a few months ago and we had been expecting it for years. We have separate finances/bank accounts but split the bills/household/childcare/holidays. Conversation came about because he was keen to invest a huge chunk of it in a startup and I said no (to me that's not a safe investment, that's a gamble, there are other ways to invest). Haven't seen the will but he's named as the recipient (would expect I'll be named when my dad dies, but I would still use that money as family funds FWIW) Thx for replies so far!

My perspective on inheritance is that it goes from a person to a person - it only goes to a couple or family if left to be split between them jointly.

I've told my husband that any inheritance is left to me (and though I don't anticipate it with any joy, I may well be on the receiving end of three significant ones), I will make the 'big' decisions about the money, that it will mostly be spent on things that benefit us both, and that we can agree the specifics together.

For example, if I received 50k, I might say 'that's going on doing up the house', and the two of us decide on which bits. Or with 200k, I'd say 'I'm going to invest in a holiday home' - then again, we work out the finer details together.

This is assuming, of course, that the necessaries in life are all taken care of.

If she bequeathed him in her will then how is it not inheritance?

So he’s trying to claim it’s just his money rather than family money and wants to keep it for himself basically? Bastard. Of course it’s inheritance, it was money given after she died not before.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a gift or inheritance, it should go in the family pot. It would never occur to me not to put it towards something that benefits my family and neither would my DH. It’s a lot of money.

Super tight fisted.

regardless of what it is, it would be very selfish of him to keep that amount of money to himself, with no regard to you and any dc.

I don't see any difference between an "inheritance" and a "gift".

Whether he's unreasonable to keep it for himself depends on the facts of the relationship, there is no universal right or wrong.

I think you ve no right to say no whatsoever. It may have been something his mother would have been keen to support him with. However most loving spouses might well discuss possible ways of spending /saving .

Of course it's an inheritance. It would have been a gift if she gave it to him when she was still alive. Dh got an inheritance and invested a chunk of it in his name. He paid a lump sum off the mortgage and paid for a holiday from it too. I got a small inheritance and, as legally all is not finalised, I haven't touched it. But it's in my name. However, when all is sorted I'd consider it for renovations in the house or a family holiday and then towards college fees for teens. His investment will possibly go towards kids education too. So while we might buy a few nice things for ourselves from the inheritances, ultimately the majority of the money will benefit the family as a whole.

I'm sorry I also don't think you morally have a right to the money. His mother earned it and wanted her child to have it. She clearly wants him to spend it on something he wants - he wants to do a start-up - something maybe life changing for him so why can't he give that a shot? If it doesn't work then it was his mum's money not family money I'm sorry its you that I am seeing as tight not him. My mum recently decided she wanted for my health's sake to get fit so she bought a year's gym membership for me for £600. She didn't buy one for my hubby. My hubby didn't ask me to split the £600 with him.
If you are in the UK why she did not consider it inheritance is he would have to then pay tax on it.

It’s obviously inheritance. But it is his money. Your views about its use should be taken into account but ultimately he gets to spend it as he wants.

And you are wrong about it being in the marital pot. If you keep separate finances and were to separate soon after the inheritance then it would very likely not be classed as part of the pot (that does not mean it could not be used to meet need, but it does mean it is not automatically susceptible to the sharing principle in the way other marital assets are).

Ok read your update. What about a portion of the money in a start up say 25%? Could you not compromise?

I get where you are coming from but if we inherited and I wanted to do something with the money and my DH just said no I’d be pretty peeved. If he thinks you think he’s being an idiot he’ll just dig in further and try to keep the whole lot, if you go “thats nice darling but what about if we make sure a chunk of that money is secure and put a bit into a slightly more risky venture” he’s more likely to hear you. It doesn’t have to be a zero sum game.

It should be a discussion, not anyone laying down the law. Also depends on whether you have any urgent priorities, debts, upcoming significant costs etc. Can you afford to lose a chunk of money?

The startup is not his, it's some guy he knows through work. (Should add he's done this twice before and neither has paid off and we can't afford to lose this much money).

I agree with thecats

It would be 2/3rds of the money for the 'investment'.

Well from a tax perspective it has Inheritance Tax implications as it will be deducted from her tax free nil rate band for Inheritance Tax. But "gift" or not your husband is being an arse.

The source of the money is a bit of a red herring though, isn't it? It's what he wants to do with it.

Is this a start up he wants to do himself, or investing in someone elses?

Have you proposed other investments?

Does the investment come with any bigger lifestyle changes? E.g. would he be changing his job or considering going part time as a result?