Inheritance or gift?

[YellowWolf]

My MIL recently passed away & left DH a sum in the region of £80k. He says she left it to him, & that it's not "the inheritance" as his father is still alive. We have been married for more than 20 years & have children. I know if we divorced the money would be included in the marital assets. I believe the money is ours. AIBU?

Regardless of the other points, please STOP saying that all assets/liabilities are automatically jointly owned on marriage. It is NOT TRUE. If assets/liabilities are in one person's name only, they do NOT belong to the other person - unless and until there is a separation and divorce with a financial settlement which will take into account the whole picture.

One spouse has NO RIGHT to assets in the sole name of the other spouse. This can cause financial abuse, of course.
However, families may arrange their finances so that all assets are held jointly, or they may not. Different families work it out to suit their situations.

There is defiantly some incorrect advice on this thread OP.

If you were to break up and divorce inheritance (which it will be classed as, if he was named as a recipient in the will) is completely different than any other money, pensions, mortgage you have have.

If he was to receive the £80k and keep it in a bank account in his sole name or purchase a second property in his sole name etc. Then this would always be classed as his inheritance and you do not have any right to this during a divorce process (however long you have been together).
If he was to receive the £80k and keep it in a joint bank account, pay off the mortgage on the marital home or purchase a second property in joint names etc. Then the inheritance then becomes a normal martial asset, as he has used that money for you both within the marriage.

Inheritance goes to an individual.

I don’t look around my house, and then at my three year old, and think “I love this property and can’t wait for my future daughter-in-law to own half of it”.

I could not be married to someone who thought it was okay for him to dispose of 80k in this way (regardless of my agreement). Doesn’t matter where the money came from.

There is defiantly some incorrect advice on this thread OP says the person delivering incorrect advice

@dramaramallama - agreed!

@AlwaysTryingToHelp in England and Wales, you’re partially correct that the way the inheritance has been treated has a bearing on how a judge would look at it as an asset. But you’re wrong to say that it would be excluded. My knowledge comes from my law degree (admittedly dusty) but plenty of solicitor websites will help you out.

www.bbc-law.co.uk/legal-news/inheritance-and-divorce/

@DramaRamaLlama & @Ellisandra

I am going through a Divorce as we speak and this is exactly what has saved my inheritance from my STBXHB!!

Whether gift or inheritance it belongs to the person it was left to.

Not sure why you think his family money left to him is yours or that you can say how it’s spent. If your MIL wanted you to have it she would have left it to you.

I hope my children’s partners don’t think my money is theirs as it’s certainly not.

@AlwaysTryingToHelp

Just because something has happened doesn't mean it will always happen

There are some circumstances where a judge may consider that the inheritance should be treated separately but that is not the same is inheritances being routinely excluded from the marital assets pool.

@AlwaysTryingToHelp you just can’t go around stating that as a fact of law. Every court based divorce settlement is looked at on its own merit, including all factors. I’m glad that it helped you - but what you describe is not the law, it is not that simple.

Stunned by some of the responses.

You're married, have children, everything therefore goes into the pot. EVERYTHING.

Anything else is weird.

The thought a spouse could be living it up independently while you struggle is mind boggling.

This is about more than the law. You need to really sit down and talk about your “separate” finances. I hate this and I see it all the time, on Mumsnet and in real life. Woman says, “Oh yes, we have separate finances, separate accounts, then split the bills.” But then when he gets a chunk of money, he doesn’t want to share it (selfish git cough cough), and she comes to AIBU. But then every time you have a chunk of money, you’re expected to share it, and you do, AND give him even more, AND you’re planning to share your PENSION?!? So what you MEAN is that his finances are separate and yours are shared, because that’s sure as hell what it sounds like, hen.

I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be harsh. I just hate watching women who are probably great and smart in lots of other ways be financial martyrs. It’s terrible and it ruins their peace.

Anyone with half an ounce of common sense could tell you (I’m accusing him of not having common sense, not you) that if it’s mentioned in a will, it’s an inheritance. He’s only trying to tell himself (and you) that it’s a gift so that he can rationalize being a selfish arse. You should sit down and talk about why you share and he doesn’t and if it’s ever going to change or if this is forever. And... do you want to live like that forever? Counseling is an option if he’s willing.