Designer clothes at Grannie’s house

[IDontDrinkTea]

So I appreciate this is a true first world problem and I have no right to be irritated by it. Please feel free to give me a virtual slap and tell me to stop being ungrateful.

My PIL live abroad and don’t speak any English and I don’t speak their language either. So our relationship is somewhat limited, we don’t see them often and I can’t talk to them when we do see them.

I have a young DD and my DH and I are taking her abroad for a visit next month. For our stay, they have purchased a full wardrobe of designer clothes for her, they’ve redecorated a room into a state of the art nursery, they’ve bought baby baths, bouncers, a cot, etc. However all of these things are to remain there after we visit, and we can’t bring any home with us, which seems totally pointless as we aren’t planning another visit til next year when she’d have grown out of them. These are all outfits that cost over £50 per outfit. Considering I can only afford to put her in second hand stuff, this really irritates me as it seems silly that she’s got a ridiculously over the top wardrobe at Grannie’s house yet at home wears boot sale bargains.

My in laws have been to visit us once since she was born. They came for a weekend, didn’t pick her up at all other than for a quick photo opportunity, they moaned about the fact I wanted to breastfeed her (discreetly) during lunch in a pub, and requested that I didn’t bring the sling that I use to visit them - they referred to it in quite derogatory terms. They want to buy her a big fancy pram for the trip however we have a pram here and she basically cries as soon as you put her in it, you just end up pushing a pram and carrying a baby, so I tend to use the sling instead.

My DH thinks I’m being ungrateful and says if that’s how they want to spend their money then that’s up to them. However I find it irritating that they treat my DD like a doll for dressing up, and that we can’t get value for money by actually using any of this stuff more than once.

Because if it's an Italian or Greek family for example, that's very normal for them.
Count pretty much of Eastern Europe / Russia in too.

If it's just they want pretty clothes hanging in the wardrobe to complement their show room, could you compromise and ask to take some back home to wear whilst they fit on the basis that you will return them when she's grown out of them?

Of course it's their money and they can do what that like but that is so weird - who does that?! I mean fair enough keep a few changes and equipment at grannies if you are there every few days, but the entire kit for a holiday is completely barking.

Are you sure that this is all down to them though - if you can't have a conversation with them directly yourself?
Is it possible your DH is telling them that you PREFER using second hand things (environment?) and they are thinking they want to give her something different but don't think offering it to you would be accepted? Would your DH be happy taking things from them or would it make him feel in some way inadequate (however wrong that feeling would be be)?
Families can be weird. They are in-laws. Just go with whatever keeps the peace.

the thing with the clothes in particular is really strange. as you say she's not a doll for playing dress up with. i hate when people do this. my mum tried with my dd when she was a few days old. i like my babies to be in comfortable clothes and really small ones just in baby grows. fair enough gift clothes for use for a special occasion or for you to use in your own time time but their attitude is weird

If you like the clothes (or any of them!) can you sell taking them home as "you'll be able to see your DGD in them in pictures for much longer".

Never mind taking their designer clothes home. I wouldn’t be using them at all. Take your DDs regular clothes and the sling. It’s so obviously they just want to dress her up in fancy clothes and parade her around. I’d be furious. Put a stop to their nonsense now otherwise you’ll end up with an upset daughter feeling bad about herself after every visit because she’s made to change into “nicer” clothes when she visits her grandparents.

@Geminijes
It was meant be funny get over yourself and pull the pole out of you know where.

Just ignore.

This is about them, not you, or your DD.

If there is any undercurrent of them trying to 'get one over' (which it doesn't sound like there is) - completely take the wind out of their sails by complimenting the nursery, saying how lucky DD is that they have bought her such nice clothes, and say (via your DH) that you hope they will find some other children to benefit from the clothes DD will have outgrown by the time you see them again. Smile and be relaxed, happy to see them.

It will all pass before you know it!

Why are people saying they don't care about OPs DD? How can you possibly infer that? It seems to me like they are making quite a bit of effort. Maybe they want her clothes to stay there for the same reason some of us keep our children's little clothes so that we can sit and hold them and cry for sentimental reasons.

Perhaps they have made a state of the art nursery with loads of equipment to make your journey easier? So that you don't have to fill up your car with cot and pram and all the other stuff?

The clothes thing sounds weird, but may be a misunderstanding about not taking it home?

They came for a weekend, didn’t pick her up at all other than for a quick photo opportunity, they moaned about the fact I wanted to breastfeed her (discreetly) during lunch in a pub, and requested that I didn’t bring the sling that I use to visit them - they referred to it in quite derogatory terms.

^ This, Itscallednickingbentcoppers. The underlying theme is that it's all about appearances and what other people think. It's hard to draw any other logical conclusion.

For what it’s worth, when I’m talking about them buying clothes it’s not one or two things. They’ve bought upwards of 20 outfits for a six day visit. Plus swimming costumes, muslins etc. So she’s not even going to use them all once, and then we can’t take them home.

I’m not planning on stealing them. I just find it grating. The fact she wears second hand clothes here is not an environmental choice, it’s a money one.

It definitely feels like it’s all about appearances. Their main complaint about the sling for example is they say it makes me look like an African peasant Personally I would rather have a happy baby in a sling than a screaming baby in a fancy pram. Besides, I don’t see an issue with the way the sling looks anyway so will definitely be using it regardless of what their opinion is

This would annoy me too. Think of the waste. I would just carry on as normal. Take dds clothes with you, use your sling etc

Grim. Carry on as normal with your parenting, learn some words in their language, bevause it might help your daughter connect with them too. But it is sad that they are more concerned with some clothes and ostentatious displays of money rather than her being comfortable or being able to talk to you about her.
Your dh needs to be supportive of the parenting choices you both have made. Make that clear to him. He sounds as though he's too used to just letting them do what they want for a quiet life

I'm guessing Italian or Spanish (I'm Italian myself!)

Although the breastfeeding thing is a bit of a red herring on the culture guessing as ime the 'nonna' generation are very pro breastfeeding.

I'd roll my eyes and let them put her in the fancy clothes but definetely bring the sling. Italy/Spain are full.of cobbled streets/not very accessible.