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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To never let my BIL babysit again?

72 replies

Beresford · 20/06/2019 21:07

I have a DD (aged 4) and 3 nephews aged 3 (twins) and 7. For the past two years I’ve been picking them up from school/childminders once/twice per week and babysitting for my sister until about 6/7pm. Up until a year ago the arrangement was reciprocal, but she stopped after she increased her hours at work (we both used to work part time). Anyway, today my mum normally does the school pick up for all 4 kids but as she was away, we had to make other arrangements. My husband is way too and my sister was working, but she said her husband would do the pick up for all 4 instead as he’s between jobs at the moment. I told him I’d be round to pick up DD after work by 6:30pm and he said he’d rather do the babysitting (of all 4 kids) at our house instead. That was fine by me.

However, when I got in after work today the house was a complete bomb site. The twins are very boisterous- and need constant supervision. He had let them tread 6 mini tubs of play dough mixed with popcorn and fruit into the carpet, board game boxes were ripped up, real food remnants in the play kitchen etc, DD had only eaten biscuits and fruit for dinner as she didn’t like the pizza he cooked. I spent the next 2 hours cleaning up the mess they’d made, I’m 5 months pregnant with a really bad back/PGP and quite frankly the clean up was agony.

I feel really pissed off with my BIL - as I’ve done a lot of childcare for him/my sister and I’m really disappointed in how he left my house this evening- in fact I could barely look at him! I’m due to do the childcare tomorrow so will have to suck up my feelings of resentment but would it be unreasonable to never again let him babysit in my house considering the state he left it in?

OP posts:
Beresford · 20/06/2019 22:21

Thanks Dafodill, it’s true, the most important thing is she was happy and had a good evening.

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 20/06/2019 22:21

I think KT has won the thread....

Saracen · 20/06/2019 22:22

Wow. That is totally out of order. I am very laid back and would usually make excuses for someone who made a bit of a mess, but this was terrible. Especially since he chose to look after them all at your house. I am sure it is really hard work keeping an eye on so many young kids, but he knows what they are like and he should have done it at his own house!!

You can't say nothing. You really can't.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 20/06/2019 22:22

He's got fuck all to do, he can pick his own DC up unencumbered with growing a baby inside of him unlike you OP. There's no way I'd be picking his DC up tomorrow, especially after today's performance. Piss that shit.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/06/2019 22:22

Disgusting! Your poor sister lives with him - ewww. I’d discuss it with her in a I’m shocked , is this how your husband behaves... because this isn’t normal kind of way.

Thequaffle · 20/06/2019 22:30

No wonder her wanted to have them all round yours. He cannot have been watching them properly for all this crap to have happened.

Justbreathing · 20/06/2019 22:30

@DeRigueurMortis
GrinGrinShock

Beresford · 20/06/2019 22:30

Mummyoflittledragon, that’s a really good idea - definitely going to adopt that approach with my sister, thanks!

OP posts:
user27495824 · 20/06/2019 22:30

I don't understand why you haven't questioned looking after 3 extra kids tomorrow (including 3 year old twins, Christ). When he isn't working? I suggest you pick them up and then drop them home, tell him your SPD is really playing up today after tidying up last night and so you can't manage them.

Butterfly84 · 20/06/2019 22:41

Weird how he wanted to babysit at your house when it would have been much more logical to take his three children home and babysit your child at his house. Seems like he's not used to looking after his own kids and knew they would trash the place. Rude and nasty to do that though.

And yep completely agree, why tf are you babysitting when he's not working??? OP, you should not be doing this. He needs to pull his finger out.

missedith01 · 20/06/2019 22:41

I'd be sorely tempted to explain to sister that I wasn't feeling well enough and why I needed a rest day. YANBU.

fargo123 · 20/06/2019 22:45

I would have mentioned it to him then and there and then told him to clean it up! I can't believe you just let him/them leave as though everything was OK.

As that moment has passed, I'd be sending Sister and BIL a joint text saying how disappointed and disgusted you were at the state of your house last night, that DD was hungry from lack of dinner, and that after spending two hours cleaning it up, you're now too tired to babysit again, so they'll have to make their own arrangements for the foreseeable future.

MrsCBY · 20/06/2019 22:50

Don’t you think it was an entirely calculated move on his part? I mean, he’s got three DC, you’ve got the one; it makes no sense at all for him to suggest having them all at your place. Most of the toys etc for most of the children would be at his place, and of course it’s his home; you’d think he would be more comfortable there.

I can’t see a single reason why he would choose to have them all at your house except to save himself the hassle of cleaning up after his three DC (and your DD, but in terms of numbers she obviously has less impact than they do) after they’ve run riot, while he cba to supervise them.

He sounds like a real prince. Your lucky, lucky sister. Leaving you with all that mess to clean up especially when you’re five months pregnant and in pain is absolutely shitty behaviour.

PonderingPanda · 20/06/2019 22:56

More fool you for doing childcare when he isn't working.

Durgasarrow · 20/06/2019 23:11

He should definitely be called out on this behavior.

S1naidSucks · 20/06/2019 23:32

It could be worse, OP. Just imagine if you were the one married to the prick.

SandAndSea · 20/06/2019 23:38

Can I ask why he wanted to look after the kids at your house?

GabsAlot · 21/06/2019 00:04

I dont understand why your loking after his kids whilst he sits at home doing nothing

And he should have stayed n his own place too

Saracen · 21/06/2019 01:05

For the record, I don't think the fact that your dd had biscuits and fruit for dinner is a big deal. He did cook her some dinner, she didn't like it, and she ate something else. That seems reasonable to me.

The rest of his behaviour is awful, of course.

Saracen · 21/06/2019 01:21

I don't think you should involve your sister in this, not in the first instance anyway. Somehow that seems like you'd be wanting her to fix it, when it's clear that your BIL is the one who needs to be called to account. She probably suffers enough from his bad behaviour at home without having to apologise and make amends for him trashing your house.

Fair enough if she happens to find out about it and wants to know what's up, but I wouldn't go out of my way to tell her. I know she is your sister and easier to approach, but it seems like that would imply that she must mastermind all childcare for her family just because she's a woman, and that she should supervise her husband's feeble attempts to do it.

She isn't directly responsible for his bad behaviour.

GreenDragon75 · 21/06/2019 05:29

Apart from his appalling behaviour this childcare arrangement seems very one sided. Maybe you could use the pregnancy and spd as a reason to knock it on the head.
Please say something- I was walked over for a long time in a similar way and really regret not speaking up sooner.

Blondebakingmumma · 21/06/2019 06:01

If he isn’t working yet HE should be responsible for HIS children! You are pregnant! The sheer CFery

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