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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it’s fine for them to bath together ??

81 replies

amicableAs · 20/06/2019 15:28

7 and 9 year old siblings (ds 7 dd 9 (just))

Dm has told me its ‘disgusting’

They have fun ! They play potions and with the bath toys she’s basically told me it’s inappropriate and disgusting ??
I think this says more about her tbh

OP posts:
Proseccoinamug · 20/06/2019 22:26

I think there’s a time when you have to enforce boundaries for them and a concept of privacy. I think they will take their lead from you. That isn’t the same as making them feel ashamed and self conscious. Just reinforcing that their body is theirs and is private.

What if a child had additional needs and never became uncomfortable? At some point you’d still have to enforce appropriate boundaries.

I think it also keeps them safe outside the home to understand privacy and bodily autonomy.

stayathomer · 20/06/2019 22:28

I wouldn't say disgusting, but given the dirt that comes off any of my lot I wouldn't for that reason!!!!!

daisydoooo · 20/06/2019 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 20/06/2019 22:30

Ask her what she thinks is going to happen. I can guarantee that will be the last of it.

namdinam · 20/06/2019 22:34

DD and DS are 8 and 9. They do bathe separately but at their own choice and it's about having the extra space to stretch out not privacy 😀 Just be guided by them but be super attentive to any hint that one of them isn't comfortable.

DumbledoresCrookedNose · 20/06/2019 22:36

I think 9 is pushing it, and the 9 yo may well soon want some privacy, but as long they are both happy with it, it's fine.

DumbledoresCrookedNose · 20/06/2019 22:39

I was bathed with 3 siblings until I was at least 10, btw. It naturally stopped as we got older. Lucky number 4 got the luxury of solo baths much earlier in life than the rest of us!

BillywilliamV · 20/06/2019 22:40

Why does nobody on Mumsnet seem to be able to tell the Mothers to just “SHUT UP!”

Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 20/06/2019 22:45

My 9 Yr old will always decide, sometimes she asks for brother (4) to go in with her, I always assume not now till she asks. Its only been recently that's she's wanted to bathe alone, they see me naked all the time,(literally burst in on me to ask inane shite while im in the shower, no shame) plus each other, so are obviously comfortable with it. Same bath water though, I'm not wasting it! More hot for DD!

Durgasarrow · 20/06/2019 23:33

Seven and nine is a little old for this sort of thing

frenchonion · 20/06/2019 23:47

My 9 year old mostly baths alone now and the younger two (8 and 5) together but occasionally they'll switch it up and jump in together for a play bath. I don't think it's weird or needs enforcing at all though! Why?! I'm not funny about nakedness though. I still happily wander into my brother's room when he's home to steal his deodorant in my pants and vest age mid thirties! My DC also don't give a fuck about bursting in on me in the shower to ask random questions about lego and such, but they still have good boundaries. British people can be quite odd about nakedness in my experience!

Skittlesandbeer · 21/06/2019 00:20

Hate to think what your DM would make of our ‘routine’!

Over the summer (live at the beach), our bathroom is a constant chaos of little wet bodies and discarded sandy bathers. Our kid, her mates, 2 sets of neighbour kids, their mates and cousins staying over. Don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard anything concerning, other than the odd ‘Oooo that’s your willy!’ out of any of them. One of the older boys (10?) opted to rinse off under the hose outside this year, so it takes care of itself.

Send your DM on a spa holiday in Scandinavia? Should be quite an education...

Sceptre86 · 21/06/2019 00:49

I agree with you, your kids will say when they prefer more privacy. At the moment I shove our two in the bath together (3 and nearly 2) but will probably be less inclined to as they get older. My mum always bathed us separately even though we were a family of 3 girls and one boy.

OkPedro · 21/06/2019 00:57

Can I ask those who think it’s odd why do you think that? I understand boundaries and I take the lead from my children. Yes puberty changes it but a lot of 9 year old girls haven’t started puberty. I have a son and daughter they still regularly see eachother naked. My dd has just started puberty but she has no body issues yet.
I was sexually abused by my brother so I’m hyper vigilant. I actually think the secrecy and lack of openness led to me being abused and him getting away with it.

lifeinthedeep · 21/06/2019 01:01

Everyone is judging based on very individual experiences. It’s obvious when reading through this thread that bathing with siblings is more dependent on the personality of the child and the timing of puberty than age. Some 9 year olds will be starting to change whereas others are far from puberty and still play like little kids do.

mammmamia · 21/06/2019 01:01

My boy girl twins (just turned 9) love sharing the odd bath, they usually shower separately but one immediately after the other. They’re constantly running around naked and not self conscious at all. I think it’s fine and will stop once one of them isn’t comfortable with it. They’re still very babyish and innocent and I don’t want to spoil that for them.

PregnantSea · 21/06/2019 01:59

They're getting to the age where they won't want to soon anyway. Just leave them be for now.

I don't see what is disgusting about it. Ask your mum specifically what it is that's disgusting, and why it's an issue. Embarrass her. She needs a head wobble.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 21/06/2019 05:29

Totally fine if both kids are happy with it. My sister & I bathed together until basically we didnt both fit lol, almost certainly older than 9. In time the older one will prob just want to stay up a bit later so will hop in the water after her brother has got out, so it will naturally peter out.

Charlottejade89 · 21/06/2019 06:16

My 9 year old stepson has a bath with my 10 month old dd when hes at ours. They both love it. Hes the only one that can get her screeching with laughter. If he didnt want to he would say

Willow2017 · 21/06/2019 07:33

Seven and nine is a little old for this sort of thing

What 'sort of thing' is that?
Genuinely curious.

Willow2017 · 21/06/2019 07:43

I think there’s a time when you have to enforce boundaries for them and a concept of privacy.

Not when 2 innocent kids are having fun together. What on earth do you think will happen if they bathe together at that age?
Kids don't need adult hangups foisted on them at that age. Their bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. Let them stay kids as long as they are happy to do it for goodness sake.
They will decide when to stop. As long as they know about boundaries with thier own and other people's bodies let them have fun.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/06/2019 07:46

They're 2 children playing, while getting washed, I don’t see the issue.

It’s not inappropriate and they will advise when they want to stop when they get body conscious.

greathat · 21/06/2019 08:38

Mine are 6 and 9. In the bath is one of the few places they play without fighting

my2bundles · 21/06/2019 08:58

I wouldn't worry, do what your kids are happy with there will come a point where one of them will want more privacy but if they are happy for now don't worry. For the posters talking about puberty well that could start soon or could take another 4 years before it starts, all kids are different.

bellabasset · 21/06/2019 09:30

They're brother and sister so it's fine As others have said they"ll soon stop as they get older and more self conscious of body changes.