Parents of 12+ year olds. How would you feel about this?

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

DS is in year 7, 12yo and is 'seeing' a girl.
Apparently this consists of being too shy to even say hello to one another at school but talking for hours on the phone. From about 6pm to bedtime.

He isn't allowed Instagram but his gf is. So there's a lot of 'he said she said' about IG and snap chat etc.

DH doesn't like it. Says it's too much.

I'm not too bothered.

DH wants him to reign it in. Is DH BU?

I see. The downside of enabling voting is that people don't give feedback on the issue.

And I also can't see the vote or which way it's going!

Lose lose for me!

That would be too much for me. When does he eat/ do homework/chat to other friends or God forbid spend time with the family?

too much for me too.

58% in favour of YANBU so far!

I agree YANBU. Back in the day I would spend hours on the phone to my best friends, we’d chat at the top of the road before parting ways for an hour then immediately get on the phone. This is no different. And it’s far far better than Instagram and the like. I mean, I’d make him get off to eat and do homework but I think it’s fine and normal.

Too much for me. I’d want time limits on the phone calls

Me too Eliza, that's where DH and I differ.

I used to talk for hours, I don't think DH a word to anyone for years.

MrsJonesandMe it starts after dinner, homework is done on Saturdays and the bit about spending time with the family is the bit that bothers me the most.
I'm having a talk with him tonight about that bit.

How daft that I can't see the voting of my own thread.

Thanks for the update of the way it's swinging though.

I think it is too much. I think I would be setting a limit to how much time he can spend on the phone to her.

I can't work out whether that makes me YABU or YANBU....and I was so excited that this was a voting thread!

The bottom bit asked is DH BU in him wanting to cut down the time DS is on the phone.

I wasn't too bothered about the whole thing.

When I was 13 I had a 'boyfriend' with whom I had long telephone conversations and terribly embarrassed, stilted conversations in real life. Occasional snog. Nothing more.
It's pretty harmless and normal I'd say.

The trouble is that your question was "Is DH being unreasonable" and there's no option for that.

Another reason to lose the buttons.

I think he should be doing more with his time in the evenings. Clubs activities hobbies sports family out on his bike watching tv playing computer games etc all more active than listening to someone else update him on her social media feed.

It just sounds like he’s getting insta and SC by proxy and it’s generally a load of nonsense and gossip and rumour. I’d limit him to an hour. He’s very young to be spending so much of his spare time communicating with just one person each evening.

I have a 12year old DS and am fairly laid back about 'girlfriends' and social media but I think that's far too much of his time being spent on the phone to one person every night.

My DD is 12, also Yr 7, and has a boyfriend, her first. They also talk on the phone for hours and barely say a word to each other at School. Both of them are on Instagram, she way way more than him.

My DS 13 isn't on instagram and has no interest in it at all.

I find it all quite fascinating, and ask her what they talk about he's very sweet and always says hello to me by my name if I'm in the vicinity.

It's all so harmless and very innocent at the moment and she tells me everything so I'm not too worried at the moment tbh. DD says most of her friends would never tell their parents if they had a boy/girl friend so I'm happy she can tell me.

Is DH BU? It's unclear if the vote is about whether you are being unreasonable or your DH.

Ps they both have seperate groups of friends and both do a lot of different separate sports / clubs after School and talk to other friends as well not just each other.

The trouble is that your question was "Is DH being unreasonable" and there's no option for that.

Exactly!

Another who was confused by the vote - I thought it might was the op being unreasonable. I agree with your husband that is far too long to be on the phone.

The poll doesn't add up to the question.

Why not just say 1 hours call a day from 6pm tp 7?

58% YRNBU so far

He'll grow out of it! I wouldn't worry about it, just part of growing up.

My DS had his first girlfriend at the same age. Lots of messaging. They went to the cinema, but as part of a larger mixed group. I did check his phone and there was nothing inappropriate. It's a good opportunity to talk to him about boundaries, respect, consent (I don't mean sex but just in general not sharing a picture if the other doesn't want to & so on), about still allowing time for friends, hobbies, etc etc.

I see your point about how I did the voting system.
I didn't think that through at all did I?
Sorry.

@BigRedDoor he does have a hobby which is obsessed with and costs us a fortune.
It involves being outside which is all weekend and usually after school but the rain has kept him in.

This is very much an issue in the evenings.

OP, I think if you vote then you will be able to see the voting. I clicked YABU but by that I meant your DH IBU.

@BlueJava that's basically my stance on it.
But DH is worried. I'm not sure what about though.

We have said no phone calls after 9pm. I just need to inform DS now.
He's constantly telling me I'm too strict and over protective. 🙄