To ask you what age you had "the talk"

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DS is 9. 10 in Dec. Some stuff has been going on at school that has resulted in some name calling / jibes with sexual undertones. That is a separate matter and we are dealing with that at the school. A lot of the other boys have older brothers. Which is where we assume they picked this up.

I know DS knows they were not nice things to say. But he doesn't know what they mean.

I tentatively think DH and I should sit down and have the talk with DS. DH thinks it's too young.

Would love to hear what the wise people of MN think and when you told your DCs, how you did it etc?

No particular age. We answered questions as they cropped up. One memorable supper time was DS aged about 7 saying "I know about the egg and the sperm but how do they get together?". I answered that a man puts his willie inside a woman's vagina - cue lots of squeals and giggles (plus his sisters roughly 4/5). I don't go further than their question until they ask.

By Y5 they were coming home with more questions. If I heard them using terminology which they clearly didn't understand then I would ask them what they thought it ,meant and correct/confirm as needed.
We did buy an Usborne book "Growing Up" or similar which I let them know was available for anything they might not want to ask directly.

We're very open about such things though and I don't have any hangups discussing anything but making it age appropriate.

no age really, DD is 9 and we've talked about different things as they've come up and school have covered stuff as well.

It goes in one ear and out the other half the time - I distinctly remember telling DD when she was quite young that a man can marry a man etc but recently she has been utterly astonished at this. Whether she's forgotten or it's because she exists in a pretty much 100% heterosexual world I don't know.

My just turned 9 year old knows all about it. He had a sex education lesson in school at the beginning of this week. He did know bits and pieces as I've answers questions etc but he now knows everything about how babies are made.

Personally, I think you've started far too late. The ongoing conversation about the human body and biology should begin very early and continue in an age appropriate manner throughout childhood and through their teens.

Eldest was six, and youngest was five at the time (so two years ago). They kept asking, and asking, and asking 'where do babies come from?' S o dh and I told them, and it was embarrassing, and cringe inducing... For us only! Kids didn't care, eldest wasn't surprised, and afterwards they went back to doing what they were doing.
They watch the Simpsons, and that constantly goes on about sex. Especially the earlier episodes.
Some people believe 'the talk' will end childhood or force them to grow up quicker, buuuut... Meh. Kids are gonna find out, may as well be from an adult that will tell the truth rather than misinformed kids on the playground.

My DS is 9, 10 in January.
For this exact reason (school yard chatter - obviously misinformed and quite disrespectful) we had the chat last month (with the help of a book 'its so amazing')

We had a chat, he read a few pages of his book, we'd have another chat and so on. A very open and honest conversation. He was a bit shocked at parts. I'm currently pregnant with number 4 and after reading and discussing how babies are made he exclaimed "YOU AND DAD DID THAT FOUR TIMES???"

We spoke a lot about respect and uncomfortable touches and consent and privacy and he seems happy and confident with his newfound knowledge.

His older sister was 9 when we had the chat too. I'm glad we did as she got her period at 10 and although it was, of course, a big shock (as it always it, whenever it arrives) she was pretty well informed and prepared for it.

My youngest is 8 and doesn't seem anywhere ready for a conversation. She still seems very young and innocent, if that makes sense. You'll know best - they're all so different. They'll be ready at different stages.

We've always just answered questions factually in an age appropriate way at any age. I don't think there needs to be a "talk".

Started at 4, these days at 17, 13 and 11 discussion is around contraception, masturbation, pornography and consent. Are you saying you've never talked about where babies come from and he's 9?

Most kids will know far younger than 9. 9 year olds get their periods these days and the school sex education lessons are targeted to kids whose parents haven't had any conversation so you should try to explain it before that.

My kids (boys and girl) knew by age 6 about sex and periods but I'd forgotten to explain stuff like wet dreams and I'd not used proper words like masturbate (they called it fiddling) so it's good that the school filled those gaps in.

I learned the basic facts about how babies are made (including that it involves a man putting his penis in a woman's vagina, this leads to the sperm race, and the fertilisation of an egg, etc), aged 3, when my mum was pregnant with my brother.

I told my own DD the same when she was 3 as well, and we read a book about it together. Shortly after that I got pregnant too but I would have told her at that age even if we weren't planning a baby. Just like I've proactively given her books about "what are germs" or "why does it rain" rather than only answering the questions she thinks of herself. To be honest she was at first only really interested in the bit about the baby growing in the mummy's tummy, but I felt it was important she knew as much as was age appropriate early, before she could hear any misinformation from other children, or get embarrassed about it. She obviously did take it in to some extent, as later on when I was pregnant she apparently informed the nursery staff about the great sperm race. When they are very little it's simply a fact about the world, no different from any other science or how bodies work type stuff we might talk about.

We have also mentioned to her that men can marry other men, and women can marry other women. She was resistant to that idea at first (she doesn't encounter many gay couples and is very into the whole prince and princess love story thing) but has now accepted it.

Questions about particular words that she hears later at school we'll deal with as it happens, but I'm hoping that since she knows the basics she will feel comfortable talking to us about it.

I tend to answer questions as they come I guess as questions become more specific so do answers. By 9 or 10 I would definitely explain at least the basics if it hadn't come up already.

You are too late. I'd definitely had it by 4 and that was in the 70s.

My parents recall me humiliating them in the Natural History Museum by having a good stare at the human body exhibits and then loudly announcing 'So that's how it's done!'

I'm 27. My parents haven't still mentioned it. xD

If I'm honest I didn't really . School did a great Sex Ed thing in yr 6 and ever since then I've always made it clear he can ask me/talk to me about anything

Gosh, you should have covered that ages ago to avoid it being a taboo. My kids were both 5 and even though they don’t like me talking about it and go all embarrassed, I talk about things openly and hope they’ll come to me when they need anything later in life.

You’re about 6 years too late.

Sorry- that wasn’t helpful, but this is a hobby horse of mine. If you really haven’t had any sort of conversation, or answered
any questions, at this age I think you’re best to buy him a couple of books-there are plenty of good ones available, then tell him you’re happy to chat about it if he wants to. What were the words?

Never had a talk, I just asked questions as they came up and my mum answered them pretty honestly. She even gave me the real definition of "masturbation" when I'd heard the word on tv and asked what it meant. I think I was 4 or 5.

10 is unusually old to not know anything about the birds and the bees. Are you sure he isn't just playing coy with you out of embarassment/fear of being told off?

surely it's never too late? That seems to imply if you haven't done it by now don't bother.

I do wish people wouldn't use "innocent" as a reason why they haven't talked to their child about sex. Yes, information should be age appropriate but it won't sully or dirty them. They'll be no less "innocent" just because they know what sex is, its a natural thing that adults do, not some deviant practise.

Dd is 4. So far we've talked about how babies are usually born and that both she and her sister were c sections, and about periods. She hasn't yet asked how babies are made so I will be introducing that in the next year or so if she doesn't ask first. We've talk about private parts being private in terms of touch, and have always respected her no for hugs, tickles etc as early teaching about consent.

I don't ever want to have to sit down and do one big awkward conversation. At the moment she is totally comfortable asking whatever comes into her head, and I think that's important

Oh OP, the replies on this thread are so ridiculous and hysterical its laughable.

You are absolutely not too late at all. 9 is a perfectly appropriate age to have this discussion. You know your son best so go with what you think - would a book help? there are some great ones available at the minute depending on what you feel would suit him best. Most of the earlier books range from age 8-12

It has been difficult to talk to my ds about these things. He has autism and really does over think things and get upset about them. He eventually knew everything about how babies are made at age 10. By that age there can be talk about it in the playground so it was important he knew.

I was about 38 when my 12 year old explained things to me.

Lifecraft lol - brilliant!