Why does she do this?

[TwinkleWings]

Would others be pissed off my this?

I have a friend who does this really annoying thing of repeating what I've just said in a stupid exaggerated voice. So for example if I was talking in a group and someone asked the group if they like Game of Thrones and I said "oh I love game of thrones!" She would parrot "l LOVE game of Thrones" taking the piss out of the way I've said it. It's normally when I've said something with enthusiasm or feeling (so could be something negative too). Or if I laugh at something she will repeat that laugh that I've done back to me but really exaggerated.

I have noticed her doing it to maybe one other person but not everyone. I find it really rude and it pisses me right off because it stops me in my tracks when I'm talking and makes me self conscious that I've sounded like a twat and that's why she's repeated in in a piss takey way.

My sister does this, when she’s drunk. It’s just meant to be funny so it’s hard to call out.

I figure (with both your friend and my sister) either she thinks it’s just a joke or she’s taking the piss. Hard to say which.

I don’t think she has any kind of ASD or echolalia, by the fact that she’s only doing it when the OP is relaxed and enjoying herself. I think she can see that nuance in conversation, when attention starts to shift to one person. In these occasions the attention looks like it has started to shift to the OP, so the frienemy steps in to shut the OP down by making her feel uncomfortable. She’s no friend OP. Friends get pleasure out of seeing their friends happy in their own skin. This person only likes you being happy, so long as SHE is still the queen bee in the relationship.

Late MIL used to do this and it was unpleasant. What can you do? Obviously, I didn't punch her, but I very much wanted to.

"What's got into you, Mrs Snide?" is maybe a question you could ask.

I would just look at her and say, “yes, that’s right (asshole friend) that is what I said”. Make it sound as if you’re congratulating her on understanding. Maybe gently touch/pat her hand/arm in a gentle comforting way. You can make her feel like a dick in a none confrontational way every time and hopefully the embarrassment of that will make her back off.

It sounds to me more like an unconscious or automatic tic, probably born out of insecurity. She may appear to be massively confident, but that’s not to say she is. She may know she’s doing it, or not, and probably doesn’t realise how hurtful she’s being. The only thing to do is to tell her, again.

And, if the OP says she is a good friend of many years, why would we not believe her? Everyone has faults, and that doesn’t mean they are a total bitch and should be dumped.

It sounds to me more like an unconscious or automatic tic

Bet she doesn't do it to her boss.

I’d just tell her “oh do fuck off” but I’m blunt and don’t care about upsetting twats like her. She’s certainly no friend.
I know you say she’s part of a wide circle of friends but she does sound like she’s bullying you, albeit in a subtle way.

Next time she mimics you just tell her to quit being a cow. Make it clear to everyone you two are no longer friends and try to avoid meet ups where she will be there.
Eventually everyone, including her will get the message, but you’ve got to be the one to let her know her behaviour is not acceptable.

I've known her and been very close to her for YEARS. Went to school together. She is a very good friend but yes this is very annoying and I often feel like we're back at school

You have a strange idea of what a 'good friend' looks like.

Good friends can take the piss. Good friends can have the piss taken out of them
Good friends do not try and show their friends up or upset them. And doing what she does more than once is trying to show you up.

Thanks for the replies. She's such an outgoing personality, chats easily to people and everyone knows her. But actually, knowing her as well as I do, I know she's not actually that confident and can be quite unsure of herself in many ways. Often asks "would you have done this?" Etc for reassurance about a particular situation that happened.

She is a good friend and would be there in a crisis yes and has been. Is often emotionally supportive. She's not a massive bitch. Would fight my corner if needed to etc etc.

But.. that said, I do believe it is done to belittle me and no she would not do it if it was just the two of us. I was incredibly shy at school and am much more outgoing and at ease with myself now I'm older (although a completely different personality to her - I wouldn't have a conversation with someone that I was massively keen on for example but she was chat in a very friendly manner to someone that she wasn't keen on). I guess she probably still sees me as that quiet little girl and when I am relaxed and at ease and telling a story to a group something grates on her. It might be that I've said something in a really OTT, geeky manner, maybe my laugh sounded weird etc etc but you don't make someone feel small about that do you!!

And, if the OP says she is a good friend of many years, why would we not believe her?

Because longevity equals quality for some people.

Because nice people are often too nice for their own good.

Because I don't know ops age and how you view people as friends varies hugely on how old and experienced you are in many cases.

I don't even think she consciously thinks "I'm trying to show her up!" but some nerve us obviously occasionally touched and it makes her react like that

My dd has an acquaintance like this at uni. I’ve suggested a slightly pitying stare, followed by “Finished? Jolly good.” then returning to what you were saying.

Or you could stop in your tracks and bluntly ask “why are you doing that?” every single time.

Next time she does it, I would stop the conversation dead and pointedly ask "Are you aware how often you do that? Is it a verbal tic or are you being purposefully rude?" And just stare at her until she bumbles a response. If she claims it's just a joke I would also flatly retort "Well I don't think anyone is laughing…"

People only do what they are allowed to get away with. I would make it clear that if its so "funny" then she can quit making you the butt of her jokes. Perhaps it is a verbal tic/unconscious faux pas, and until someone highlights the issue, she can't deal with it

Simplto 'biscuit' a famiky member does this but only at xmas when others around never when we're on our own. It's irritating but I can't call it as he's trying to be funny. Its more when I'm trying to say something serious. Sometimes I bite back with a witty remark back but it grates on me. I'd prob (in the example u gave) say Yes I do LOVE gof and make it as if yr laughing at yrself-she'll soon get bored of it. She might not even realise she's doing it. I wouldn't fall out of being friends over it if she's ok otherwise.If she continues after doing this a couple of times then I'd take her aside and tell her that you feel undermined and hurt when she does this.

"But.. that said, I do believe it is done to belittle me and no she would not do it if it was just the two of us."

then you need to talk to her about it, when it's just two of you. She might deny it, but it's worth having the conversation.

Personally if she's annoying you but she's a good friend and part of a wider group then actually I'd speak to her in private about it. Mention how it annoys you and see if she decides to tone it down.

You can, when you meet her in a wider group setting, simply limit your interactions with her if she continues to be irritating when she speaks to you.

but it might be funny to sympathetically suggest it's part of a disorder she has...
No, it really wouldn’t.

Ask her to stop doing it.

I suppose thinking about it there are other little things that she does that I've just accepted over the years as being part of her but others wouldn't get away with. I think she gets away with a lot with a lot of people "oh that's just xxx, that's just what she's like isn't it" but really it's quite rude.

By the way we're mid thirties and married with kids!

"What's got into you, Mrs Snide?"

I like this suggestion! She's really rude. There's light hearted banter among friends but this doesn't sound like she's doing it affectionately just trying to get a laugh at your expense. I'd be pissed off too.

'Are you so pathalogically incapable of original thought?' might shut her up for a while?

Longevity of a friendship means nothing, OP. How many threads have you read where People have been ‘happily’ married for decades and suddenly realise that their husband doesn’t have their best interests at heart? The thing about knowing someone for years is, it can make people take others for granted and behave in a manner that they know they would get called out on, by other people. This behaviour will chip away at your friendship, but worse than that, it will chip away at your confidence. Maybe she needs to be told that and told that it is affecting how you see that relationship. She’s treating you as if she’s the Alpha and you’re the subordinate. That’s not healthy.

I like the parrot suggestion...'johnny want a cracker' could also be your response...

In the first instance I'd talk to her about it when it's just the two of you. Just be straight and ask her to stop. You really don't have to justify your feelings. If she doesn't stop then you know where you stand with her and can choose your eye roll/this again?/parrot response according to what you're comfortable with.

I had a similar situation, handled it badly and would like to think I have learned from it

My friend did a similar thing regularly, I stewed , decided I would act the next time she did it and then ended up embarrassing myself by wildly overreacting when she did. I guess I was waiting for her to mock me and was anxious about a potential confrontation and I can be honest and admit I made it worse because I looked like the aggressor 🙈

But I did learn from it

I learned to weigh up what I could just let go
I learned to think about if the friend is just tactless, if they’re oblivious to how they might be making me feel or if I really think they are trying to be mean in some way

Since then I have twice had situations where I have realised I really need to let a person know that the thing they do is regularly causing me upset

Both times, when they have done the thing I have taken a deep breath, put my hand on their arm, looked them in they eye and said quietly “i’m really sorry but I really don’t like it when you do that.”
It’s just been a comment between me and them, no embarrassment caused and they can see they are upsetting me genuinely

Both things stopped

One person had no idea what they did bothered me, had no intention of belittling me, it’s never spoken of and we’re the best of friends

The other person stopped doing the thing but continued to do other new stuff 😂 But it made me start to analyse our friendship and I have made changes in how and when I interact with them

So long story short my advice is to simply and calmly deal with the issue of the parrot talking. Do it in the moment that she does it. Do it quietly and sincerely. If it’s just an inappropriate habit she’s fallen into and she cares about you, she’ll stop. If it’s a deeper issue, you can go on to deal with that

I hope it goes well xx

It's about pecking order.

She sees you as 'her quiet friend', lower down the social pecking order, part of her audience. So she'll be fine one to one but, in a group, she'll put you down to put you back 'in your place'.

So, do not talk to her about it in private. She'll feign concern. Then she'll do it again - probably mocking you for being such a sensitive mouse, in the process.

Pull her up calmly and factually in public, then carry straight on with what you were saying. Don't make stopping her into a topic of conversation in itself - that would be mocking her back and could easily backfire.

She's immature and used to being centre of attention. That's all.