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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s uncouth to talk about future inheritances

43 replies

Stripyseagulls · 19/06/2019 14:03

My friend is obsessed with money. She is constantly talking about how much her parents house is worth, how much she will inherit etc etc. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. She’s an only child and I think it’s made her worse- she’s a bit ‘world revolves around me’. While I might inherit something, I don’t even want to think about it to be honest.
She also talks a lot about how much her house is worth, how loaded the new boyfriend is etc. I am not loaded but even if I was, I wouldn’t talk about it. It just seems ‘uncouth’ as my mother would say 😂
Aibu?

OP posts:
beanaseireann · 19/06/2019 14:04

No. YANBU.
She is uncouth Smile

emmaluggs · 19/06/2019 14:07

I agree it is uncouth, I’m set to inherit zero from my parents, but my partner will inherit quite a lot - sometimes we talk about it together but I wouldn’t outside of our partnership about it. Mainly because his parents moan about how small our house is, how busy our area is but do nothing to help us move up the ladder - not that they should but at least keep quiet about how they would never live where we do 🤣

HennyPennyHorror · 19/06/2019 14:08

My DH's sister is like this. She's even said "When they die..." (meaning their parents) "You can have Mum's house and I'll have Dad's."

Because "Dad's" is worth way more than Mums... Shock She was even saying what she'd do to improve her Dad's house after his death.

Bloody disgusting.

Original poster
Stripyseagulls · 19/06/2019 14:10

Friends ex husband quite wealthy too & she used to make calls to the mortgage company to pay off chunks of the mortgage from his bonus in public in front of friends. Really embarrassing stuff Blush

OP posts:
TixieLix · 19/06/2019 14:11

Your friend should hope that her DPs don't need professional care when they get old then, because an inheritance is never guaranteed and could be gobbled up by nursing home costs. Very bad mannered to talk about it while the parents are still alive.

hazell42 · 19/06/2019 14:11

It's bad form to talk about money whether you have any or not.

Why do you think she is going it?

I can think of a couple of scenarios

She wants to let you know that she is better than.you
She wants to convince herself she is as good as you
She is trying to impress you
She doesnt know what else to talk about

Cant think of a scenario, except maybe the first, which doesn't point to a worrying lack of self esteem.

Next time laugh, say 'I wish!, and move the conversation on

A lot of people don't really consider that in order to get an inheritance someone has to die. Their minds kind of skip conveniently over that bit

Maybe remind her?

MissCalamity · 19/06/2019 14:16

My friend was telling me about her SIL the other week & she's exactly like this, friend said it was the straw that broke the camel's back for her & she just couldn't be asked with her anymore.
I know that when my parents die, their house will be split between myself & my two other siblings. It's definitely enough money for me to pay off my mortgage and have quite a bit left over. I really don't want that day to come, that's the same house they've been in since we were born & I can't even begin to think of my parents not being there. Yes it's be lovely not to think about money but having my parents alive & well is a million times better.

Original poster
Stripyseagulls · 19/06/2019 14:17

@hazell I have no idea why she does it tbh. It’s very bizarre- I think she’s a bit nouveau riche as the ex was loaded but her family aren’t ‘from money’

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 19/06/2019 14:18

Very uncouth. I'm hoping mine leave enough for their funerals and that's it.

CripsSandwiches · 19/06/2019 14:23

YANBU. I don't think it should never be discussed - if arrangements need to be made etc but discussing the idea of your parents dying with relish because you'll get loads of money does come across as uncouth yes.

Original poster
Stripyseagulls · 19/06/2019 14:31

Also I don’t want to think about my parents not being here ultimately

OP posts:
longearedbat · 19/06/2019 14:34

I inherited some money from my mum. I would much rather have my mum than the money.

MyOpinionIsValid · 19/06/2019 14:36

Unless of course her mum runs off with a masai warrior she meets on a safari or dad pick up a nice mail order bride. Second marriages do happen

Zipee · 19/06/2019 14:38

Average age of inheritance is about 63 I think.

FunnyTinge · 19/06/2019 14:39

DS1, aged 5 or 6, wandering into grandparents house:

"Grandad...when you die, can I have your house?"

Shock

There followed a period of awkward clarification that we had not been discussing inheritance, grandparent mortality or anything like that, and I had no idea where that question came from.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 19/06/2019 14:39

I agree that bragging about wealth, and being ostentatious, is vulgar and marks you out as "new money".

But I don't think it's beyond the pale to acknowledge to your friends that you'll be getting an inheritance. Presumably she trusts you and feels she can be fairly open around you because you're her friend. My DH is from a wealthy family and we will eventually get an inheritance which will pay off our mortgage and then some (even with care costs factored in, there is a lot of money in the pot). I don't brag about it - it's good luck that I happened to marry a bloke with wealthy parents, not an achievement - but I might acknowledge it during a conversation with a friend about retirement plans or whatever. Are you sure you're not a little bit jealous?

Whatthefoxgoingon · 19/06/2019 14:40

Utterly uncouth.

I have a in-law who can’t stop talking about how much she’s spent, or is going to spend at any given minute. She’s completely unaware of what an embarrassment she’s making of herself Confused

Some people just use money as a marker of superiority and they won’t be dissuaded from it no matter what.

madeyemoodysmum · 19/06/2019 14:41

Not if labour get there way Angry

Bluerussian · 19/06/2019 14:44

Vulgar and, dare I say it, unEnglish. I suggest you try to think of a tactful way of communicating those facts. I'm sure she has lots of good points but that sort of talk would irritate me too and I expect she also gets on other people's nerves.

tearinmybeer · 19/06/2019 14:45

I love to think about it, I'll have money, and I'll be free from my family. Hell, I talk about it with my mom, whose estate I'm inheriting. She can't wait to go, either.

Original poster
Stripyseagulls · 19/06/2019 14:46

@youwhonever definitely not jealous. If I had to discuss it, my parents are very wealthy and it’s likely I will inherit a lot of money.

But I don’t think about it as I don’t want to think or talk about my parents not being here

OP posts:
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 19/06/2019 14:51

It’s quite likely if her parents are fit and well that they could live until they are in their nineties, in fact they could outlive her! I hear a lot of people saying how much they are going to inherit from their parents who are only in their sixties, they could be waiting a very long time. Such an entitled attitude is very uncouth I agree.

Mxyzptlk · 19/06/2019 14:52

Yanbu

Mxyzptlk · 19/06/2019 14:53

Maybe mention to her that there could be massive care costs and / or they might leave everything to charity.

Pootles34 · 19/06/2019 14:54

Its also daft to assume she will get anything. Even if they do leave everything to her, all it takes is a long spell in care for one of her parents to wipe everything out.

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