Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

WIBU sending tired DS to school?

38 replies

NewSchoolNewName · 19/06/2019 13:09

DS1 (7 yrs) had a very bad nights sleep last night, and was very sleepy and tired this morning, but I woke him up anyway and got him into school on time, and put a note about him not having slept properly on the ClassDojo system the school has for his teachers information.

I didn’t think any more about it until I took DS3 to soft play and DS1’s bad night came up in conservation with a friend.

My friend looked shocked and and told me that if her older DC is that tired, then she keeps them home from school to let them rest. She made it pretty clear that she thought me sending DS1 to school today was poor parenting on my part.
But honestly it never occurred to me to keep DS1 off, he’s not sick, he’s just very tired and I was planning on sending him to bed early tonight to try and catch up on his sleep. And now I’m doubting whether I’ve done the right thing.

WIBU sending DS1 to school today when he was very tired after a bad nights sleep?

OP posts:

PassMeTheWine · 19/06/2019 13:10

I think you did the right thing.
We can't not go to work due to a bad night's sleep.
Id just put him to bed early tonight

foreverhanging · 19/06/2019 13:11

You did the right thing. My mum always sent me in and said it was better to be sent home than have a day off if it isn't needed.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 19/06/2019 13:11

Ime poor parenting is allowing days off when they aren't poorly!
Ignore your friend.
An early night tonight will sort him out.

Shakirasma · 19/06/2019 13:12

Absolutely not unreasonable, your friend is weird and cant place much importance on her child's education.

Jeezoh · 19/06/2019 13:13

I’d have done the same, the school will call you if he’s truly struggling. Early dinner and early bed will hopefully sort him out. But I know plenty of mums who would keep their kids off in that situation, I’m just not one of them!

AngelicInnocent · 19/06/2019 13:14

Definitely did the right thing and it's important that your ds doesn't get the message that it's OK to stay off school cos he's tired or doesn't feel like it. Your friend isn't doing her DC any favours for the future.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 19/06/2019 13:14

If he's tired not ill you did the right thing. You've warned the teachers so they can contact you if he does become ill.

FatFailureMum · 19/06/2019 13:17

You did the right thing in my opinion. The teacher might make some allowances and give him quiet time if they feel it necessary. Otherwise he’ll get a second wind and manage through the school day then he can come home and rest with early night. Also if he were mine letting him rest in daytime and nap would make him very lethargic and he’d start coming alive again towards bedtime! So would lead to another sleepless night

WhatHaveIFound · 19/06/2019 13:20

You totally did the right thing. I've sent me DD in for a full day despite the fact that she only has one 35 minute lesson today. I expect her to fill her time getting on top of her homework.

allinmyhead12 · 19/06/2019 13:20

you have done the right thing, he wouldn't be able to call into work in the future saying he is tired would he?
Every one is tired as adults lol but we have to get on with it. Teaching resilience is a good thing.
As said before our rule is you go in and if you get sent home then fair enough if not then great you haven't missed anything

boobirdblue · 19/06/2019 13:27

I presume you also had a bad night as DS did? Your carrying on as normal, he will be fine.

Boatsnack3 · 19/06/2019 13:38

My daughter has sleep apnoea, she uses ventilation overnight. If I kept her off school every time she was tired she'd be off all the time. I would have did the same as you, sent her in but told the teacher that way if they think she's not coping they can choose to send her home.

Original poster

NewSchoolNewName · 19/06/2019 13:45

Looks like I can stop wondering whether to feel guilty!

I’m planning an early dinner and early bed for him and fingers crossed he’ll sleep better tonight.

OP posts:

SudowoodoVoodoo · 19/06/2019 13:52

YANBU Most of the time going to school is a good distraction from tiredness.

I did give my y3 a "duvet day" once this year. It was the second day of absence for the year to date and he was just wiped out by a heavy cold at the end of a long term. He finds school draining due to dyspraxia and sensory issues anyway and he reached a point where I felt that some quiet time to recharge would stand him in better stead for the rest of the week and until the end of term. In itself he could have functioned through the cold, but as a combination of circumstances I felt it was the better option on that occasion.

I've done it once or twice when DS2 had been shattered from colds triggering his asthmatic night coughs.

Generally though I tend to keep to a "never mind, you'll feel better when you get going" business as usual approach.

Lizzie3869 · 19/06/2019 13:54

My DD2 (7) has bad nights sometimes because she has nightmares and her sleep is disturbed as a result (she then comes into our bed). She always goes to school the next day and is absolutely fine.

Kids should only be kept off school if they're not well.

Original poster

NewSchoolNewName · 19/06/2019 13:56

I presume you also had a bad night as DS did?

I did, yes, my friend seems to think that I’ve sent DS1 into school so I can catch up on my own rest.
Rather than because I don’t want DS1 to miss out on his school education unless it’s necessary.

(And goodness knows how she thinks I’m likely to catch up on any rest when I’ve got lively toddler DS3 with me all day today!)

OP posts:

Sissy79 · 19/06/2019 13:59

I have let them have the morning off in cases where I can’t be sure if it’s tiredness or the start of something else iyswim. Go in at about 10? Just to gauge how they feel. I’ve onlu done this once or twice when they had night terrors.

But a whole day is totally unnecessary and just a waste, what do they do in the afternoon.

boobirdblue · 19/06/2019 14:06

*I did, yes, my friend seems to think that I’ve sent DS1 into school so I can catch up on my own rest.
Rather than because I don’t want DS1 to miss out on his school education unless it’s necessary.

(And goodness knows how she thinks I’m likely to catch up on any rest when I’ve got lively toddler DS3 with me all day today!)*

Tell her to wind her neck in! Cheeky mare.

Yabbers · 19/06/2019 14:07

It depends. I have kept DD off if she has a bad night. Frankly, she isn’t going to learn anything on an hour’s sleep. But I only do it if she physically doesn’t wake in time. She generally wakes at the same time no matter how much sleep she’s had, it’s rare for her to oversleep. So if she does, I consider she really must need it.

But, I should add with her disability, being over tired makes a lot of things a whole lot harder for her so that is part of the reason.

Either way, she shouldn’t judge you, and neither should you judge her.

bloodywhitecat · 19/06/2019 14:08

I would not have dreamt of keeping my two off because they were tired or had not slept well, it did them no harm.

OKBobble · 19/06/2019 14:09

Your parenting is fine. Your friend's is questionable!

LittleAndOften · 19/06/2019 14:10

"my friend seems to think that I’ve sent DS1 into school so I can catch up on my own rest."

What would she have you do - go and sit in lessons with him?!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 19/06/2019 14:11

You did the right thing.

I have a friend who can’t hold down a job because her dc have got so used to having time off school because they are tired, have a sniffle, can’t be arsed, that she’s forever being sacked for not being able to work. Her kids are now 14 and 11 and still do it. She thinks I’m cruel and bordering on abusive if I send my dc to school with so much as a runny nose.

babysharkah · 19/06/2019 14:11

Well mine are 7, they definitely don't get a day off for being tired after a bad night's sleep. What does that teach them? Also compounded by the fact I still have to go to work so need to get them in unless they are actually ill.

@Yabbers a disability changes the responses.

An NT child after a bad night should go to school. One of mine woke up at 1 am the night before last and was awake until 3 because she was scared of an imaginary spider. I sat with her, we all finally got back to sleep. It never crossed my mind to keep her off school.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 19/06/2019 14:15

IME bad parenting is allowing one of your daughters to have the week off with a cough. Not a cough that needed prescription meds though, but then letting your other daughter have a week off “to keep the peace and make it fair”. WTF?!

FWIW, I’d have done the same as you otherwise my kids would complain EVERY morning they were tired!

Flip

1 2