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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend didn’t get me a birthday present

51 replies

BadBoom · 19/06/2019 03:15

I know the mumsnet stance, adults shouldn’t be bothered about birthdays. But bf of 3 months, it was my birthday yesterday, the first birthday we’ve spent together and he didn’t get me anything.

AIBU to feel a bit upset about this? I’m not bothered about getting presents really but feel a bit upset about the lack of effort. He didn’t even give me a card so it just feels like I’m not worth it to him somehow.

Do I say something to him about it and if so what to not come across as grabby? Or let it go?

OP posts:
OvalCanvas · 19/06/2019 03:18

I'd be upset at the lack of card 3 months in.

Did he even say happy birthday to you?

What's he like in general?

HarleyS · 19/06/2019 03:19

How old are you guys?

HarleyS · 19/06/2019 03:19

Did he know?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2019 03:20

If he isn't even bothering to make an effort to make you happy and express his care for you on your birthday, which wouldn't have taken much, I suggest you stop wasting your time. You can do a lot better.

MarthasGinYard · 19/06/2019 03:20

Yanbu

Are you certain he knew?

KC225 · 19/06/2019 03:21

Ummmm if he is not making an effort three months in ..... Imagine ten years time. Did he do anything, take you out, cook you a meal, booked somewhere for the weekend?
It would upset me. As you said, its lack of effort.

Happy belated birthday OP.

Original poster
BadBoom · 19/06/2019 04:26

Yes he knew, he sent me a text saying happy birthday and sorry I didn’t get you anything. He’s away on a work trip this week so I haven’t seen him and won’t until Friday.

@HarleyS he’s 24, I’m 27.

OP posts:
HappyPeopleDay · 19/06/2019 04:36

Wait and see if he brings anything back. If birthdays are important to you then I'd discuss it and see how it goes. His card would be marked if it were me.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/06/2019 05:06

If he working away then that maybe why?

Wait till Friday to see if he turns with with something.

butterboo · 19/06/2019 05:14

Happy Birthday op! I hope he's got something planned for when he returns on Friday and he makes it up to you.

AlwaysCheddar · 19/06/2019 06:50

If he gets you something Friday, fine. If not, dump him.

MarthasGinYard · 19/06/2019 06:54

See what Friday brings....

eddielizzard · 19/06/2019 07:04

Well, doesn't bode well. He's got 2 days to get you something, so why text he hasn't? Either he has a nice surprise, or he's preparing you for him not giving a shit.

Shoxfordian · 19/06/2019 07:07

Yep, what @AlwaysCheddar said

ukgift2016 · 19/06/2019 07:13

I did chuckle when I saw this thread as I been through the exact same situation with my boyfriend.

We been dating 3 months and it was my birthday, he did not bother and I was at that point doubting the potential of our relationship.

When I next saw him, I had a honest chat and depending on his reaction...I was ready to end it. We ended up sorting it out as he was apologetic and took me out to make up for it.

Definitely have a chat.

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2019 07:16

Ok so you didn't actually spend it together? Sorry in your op you say you spent your birthday together, then you say he's away and you didn't.

Sceptre86 · 19/06/2019 07:21

Give him till the weekend, more than likely he will give you something then. If not dump him, you are in the honeymoon stage of a relationship so if he is not bothering now it doesn't bode well. You don't want to be back on here complaining about a dh that didn't bother about your birthday like a lot of women do.

Lindy2 · 19/06/2019 07:30

Wait until Friday.
If there is still nothing then I would end the relationship.
It's not about the gift, it's about showing care and kindness towards you.
A 3 month relationship should be new and exciting. Little gifts, acts of kindness, planned events together etc. If he can't be arsed to do more than send you a text saying happy birthday at this stage then I think it would be all downhill from now on.
I would want more love and respect than that.

AdoreTheBeach · 19/06/2019 07:33

Out of curiosity @ukgift2016, what was the reasoning your boyfriend gave for no present/card?

OP - wait until the weekend. He may give you something:- a present, card, flowers or take you out for a meal.

BackwardsGoing · 19/06/2019 07:35

Just a text not even a phone call?

Original poster
BadBoom · 19/06/2019 07:39

Yes sorry I worded my OP clumsily, I meant first birthday we’d spent since being together not that we’d spent the day together.

I did think maybe he was waiting till he was back but then why send the text saying he hadn’t got anything? I’ll wait and see what happens Friday and have a chat if he doesn’t make an effort then.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Lweji · 19/06/2019 07:39

I wouldn't expect a present or card if he's away and I'd see him fairly soon.
Him saying sorry he didn't get you anything suggests he won't.
In that case, if he still has nothing next time you see him, I'd let him go.

It's not about being granny. It's about doing something nice for a special person in your life. If he doesn't think you're worth him getting any kind of present, he's not a keeper.

Lweji · 19/06/2019 07:40

Don't have a chat. What's the point?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 19/06/2019 07:45

At that stage I wouldn't be expecting a gift, a card and to go out for a drink or something to celebrate. He's away I'd assume he'll want to celebrate with you at the weekend. But then I've been with DH more than a decade and in the early years got to a point where I had to say please don't buy me things, I'd much rather go out and do something fun together, gifts aren't really important to me

Beautiful3 · 19/06/2019 07:46

Wait and see if he brings you something back. If he doesn't then do the same back on his birthday. If he asks why just say, I thought you weren't bothered about birthdays because you did the same to me?! Do you want us both to make an effort for future birthdays?