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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About partners friend moving in

54 replies

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 09:54

Own a 2 bed house currently have one room as my partners office and one as our bedroom. Partners work colleague I said moving at the end of summer back to his family and needs somewhere to stay until September as his landlord is selling her house. My partner said he could come stay with us and I agreed that would be ok as we could do with the extra money. Partners wants to give really reduced mates rates but we couldn’t agree on rules of him moving in so agreed we would chat about and decide. just got back of holiday 2 days ago I’ve had bad case of d and v and my periods just started house is a mess and apparently he’s moving into night. Partners already moaned about having no office. When I mentioned that maybe he shouldn’t move in I got the guilt trip of do you want him to be homeless with no where to go he’s a 40 year old man with a really decent job he can afford to rent somewhere but will struggle for a tennatcy under 6 months. Give me a week and I would be fine but I’m still feeling so crap will all my holiday washing and bathroom needs to be disinfected amibu to say no when he turns up. When friends normally stay I have dinner ready house tidy and don’t mind at all

OP posts:

Howyiz · 18/06/2019 09:57

Who owns the apartment? How long have you been with your partner and why if you have been away for a few days is it your job to clean the bathroom before his friend turns up?

Myheartbelongsto · 18/06/2019 10:01

Someone currently living in my living room since Aug, asked to stay until Christmas and still here.

Are you sure he will leave in Sept?

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 10:02

Both own house been together 3 years partners works 12 hour days I currently have no job so I did that I would do all house work while jobless as we used to have cleaner and get our ironing done

OP posts:

Bigmango · 18/06/2019 10:14

It’s probably a bit late to say no now. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Dh needs to stop moaning though...

fecketyfeck21 · 18/06/2019 10:17

i'd be more concerned about this friend staying then finding endless excuses not to move out again tbh. any reason why he can't move back home sooner ?
it's not a good start if your dp is missing hos office room already. that's worrying in itself.

Howyiz · 18/06/2019 10:18

Make sure that you set out ground rules of what is included in the rent. Will you still be doing all the cleaning even though there is now a third person moving in?
If your partner is already moaning about lack of office space I would reduce the time offered, 4 weeks and then he needs to go else where. There are plenty of air B&Bs to go to.
Plus if he would rent anyway why would you be offering him rent for very little. Going rate for your area or else he will still be there next Christmas.

Meccacos · 18/06/2019 10:20

You said yes already. So clean the house. You don’t work and having your period is no excuse. Seriously 😐

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/06/2019 10:20

Really think you're just gonna have to suck this up i'm afraid. You agreed he could come and you agreed to do the housework while your boyfriend financially supports you so you can hardly back out now.

take two paracetamol and blitz the place for a hour that should be fine. No need to make up the bed just provide clean bedding.

savethecake · 18/06/2019 10:24

Who owns the apartment? How long have you been with your partner and why if you have been away for a few days is it your job to clean the bathroom before his friend turns up?
I'm presuming it's because the op said she had d and v and wants to clean up.

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 10:24

The thing is I can’t really do anything to prepare I can clean the living room kitchen and lounge but the office room is full of all my partners stuff with no where for it to go I can’t move any of the furniture and I’ve just been sick again I agreed he could move in but only on the basis we discussed ground rules and a date that’s not happened and I get 2 days notice

OP posts:

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 10:26

He’s not moving back yet with family as there in another country and his contract runs out in September that’s why

OP posts:

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 10:27

And I don’t just have bad periods I have endometriosis which I get codine for and other meds but they haven’t worked as I’m sick as soon as I take one

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/06/2019 10:29

Ok, well if you can't do it your DP will have to do it.

I'd be very unhappy indeed though if that were me.

HettySunshine · 18/06/2019 10:32

Why can't your partner clean up as you're ill? If it's his stuff in the office/bedroom he's going to have to deal with it.

Get yourself to bed, this is not your problem.

Jog22 · 18/06/2019 10:34

Is it the friend who has only given 2 days notice before he's due to move in or did your partner know that this was the date?

KittenMittens1 · 18/06/2019 10:41

genuinely had to go through this, partners friend got turfed out by landlord asked to stay for a month, 6 months later I lost my crap and told him he had 1 week to find somewhere.

it was like been back in student halls, it started off so well then he asked why I wasn't doing his washing, the worst was valentines day. I collected a chinese on the way back from work set the table for 2, candles, rose petals, mine and hubbys song was playing dished up and got changed into something more alluring. came down and he was eating the takeout. (that was the night I told him he had a week) constantly getting in the way, putting what he wanted on MY tele, eating our food and genuinely leaving mess and destruction in his path, bringing girls back at 2am. when I had to get up at 5 for work.

just be prepared, i'm not saying your experience will be like mine. but it became a sore point in our relationship. set ground rules before he moves in and make sure you get you OH on board and to back you up.

beelover · 18/06/2019 10:42

I think it's your partner who is being unreasonable. His idea for friend to move in so why is he already moaning about loss of his office space, what did he think was going to happen and where was he planning to put all his stuff?

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2019 10:46

I don't think you can say no and turn him away when he turns up.

Just do your best with the house, tell your partner he needs to clear the office, maybe make up a temp bed in the loung tonight.

But I think it's shit of your partner to agree for him to stay and then not clear a place for him to sleep.

IhaveALooBrush · 18/06/2019 10:48

Well your partner organised it, it's his stuff that needs moving, you're ill, so......
You can see where I'm going with this.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/06/2019 10:55

Any chance your d & v is contagious? It would not be good for him to move in then catch your bug.

Aozora13 · 18/06/2019 10:55

I’m sorry you’re feeling crap. I imagine d&v plus period is amplifying things a bit. I think it’s probably too short notice to say the colleague can’t stay tonight. Do the best you can today and your partner can sort the rest when he comes home. It’s not the end of the world if your house is a bit messy or not quite ready - I’m sure the colleague will understand given the circumstances. Your partner needs to activate his empathy chip, stop whining and start pulling his weight - plus it’s his invitation so he shouldn’t be leaving it all to you!

theworldistoosmall · 18/06/2019 10:57

Your partners' friend and office. His issue to sort out the office and setting up somewhere for him to sleep.
I understand he works 12 hours a day, but it's not every day.
The friend could have discussed a long rental with an airbnb'r.

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 10:59

Thanks I’m going to do my best I’ve just had a bath and a cheeky lay down listening to Harry Potter good old Steven fry makes everything less stressful. Will pick most the rubbish up and put a way but quick surface wipe down hoover and things should all be ok. Will get partner to order takeout for dinner tonight for everyone and things should be ok

OP posts:

theworldistoosmall · 18/06/2019 11:04

Partner also needs some words. It's ridiculous that even when away you are expected to clean after this slob.
I would go back to bed and rest and stay in bed for a couple of days. I know what you mean about the pain.

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 11:44

We where both away not just me I hadn’t planned on being ill and partner isn’t expecting me to tidy when I’ll but he has no time to tidy either with his long days at work and I would be to embarrassed to let someone stay over with house like this

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