Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

About partners friend moving in

54 replies

Littleteacup1 · 18/06/2019 09:54

Own a 2 bed house currently have one room as my partners office and one as our bedroom. Partners work colleague I said moving at the end of summer back to his family and needs somewhere to stay until September as his landlord is selling her house. My partner said he could come stay with us and I agreed that would be ok as we could do with the extra money. Partners wants to give really reduced mates rates but we couldn’t agree on rules of him moving in so agreed we would chat about and decide. just got back of holiday 2 days ago I’ve had bad case of d and v and my periods just started house is a mess and apparently he’s moving into night. Partners already moaned about having no office. When I mentioned that maybe he shouldn’t move in I got the guilt trip of do you want him to be homeless with no where to go he’s a 40 year old man with a really decent job he can afford to rent somewhere but will struggle for a tennatcy under 6 months. Give me a week and I would be fine but I’m still feeling so crap will all my holiday washing and bathroom needs to be disinfected amibu to say no when he turns up. When friends normally stay I have dinner ready house tidy and don’t mind at all

OP posts:

RedPink · 18/06/2019 12:34

fedup21 · 18/06/2019 12:38

Do you still have D and V now? If so, postpone and he’ll have to stay in a hotel till the weekend.

If not, you’ve only got your period-that shouldn’t stop you tidying up?

gamerchick · 18/06/2019 12:43

Tell you bloke his friend needs to stay in a b&b until the weekend. He sounds as if he can afford it and I very much doubt anyone would like to come to a house where V&D are present. That way you get your few days notice and your bloke can pitch in and help move shit.

LagunaBubbles · 18/06/2019 12:49

Partner also needs some words. It's ridiculous that even when away you are expected to clean after this slob

He hasn't even moved in it, not sure how you've labelled him a slob already!

Whocansay · 18/06/2019 12:59

Don't let him get comfortable. Say you want £200 per week (or whatever is reasonable for your area) and that he is to clean up after himself. Bollocks to 'mates' rates'. You'll never get rid of him!

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 18/06/2019 15:11

Hopefully your DP will catch the D&V then he can then help you around the house while he's off sick.

theworldistoosmall · 18/06/2019 16:07

He hasn't even moved in it, not sure how you've labelled him a slob already!

I meant the partner.

If not, you’ve only got your period-that shouldn’t stop you tidying up?

Having endo isn't just a period. It's incredible agony and often extremely heavy bleeding. It also can result in lots of hospital admissions - pain management, blood transfusions, clot removal etc.

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 19/06/2019 07:39

So big update phone partner last night he still didn’t have a time for him to come over partner popped to local pub as we have no wife and he still had a few work bits to finish. Found his friend with said suitcase only a tiny one as asked if he was staying he said yes this is all my stuff at the moment rest is being stored with a friend and have my suitcase from seeing family at the weekend. Partners rings me and lets me no we discuss money and rules partner basically apologies for this states he’s not 100% happy with situation but can’t see a friend with out someone to live I say I can understand and not to worry will sort it when your both home. They both come home I offered to cook just some pasta and a jar of sauce while partner sets up bed all we have is a cramped office with a mattress on the floor. Friend dosnt care at all is great full for someone to put his head while his in this position. We sit down and eat so we can talk about rules and where everything is in the house. Money is mentioned and he says while this is only temporary and he dosnt have a set room/ bed he’s happy to buy us a takeaway each week and help with Any food/ cooking. Partner and I both looked shocked as I thought we where at least getting some money. Spoke to partner after and he said that I was making him feel bad for helping out a friend in a situation he was in before he met me apparently he can’t seem to find somewhere to live until September due to being such a short let I advised that I had four loads on rent a room. My partners feeling bad for him but hating the idea of his office being taken over and it’s stressed me out I don’t no what to do I’m hoping the fact he has no real room he will leave soon

OP posts:

fedup21 · 19/06/2019 07:45

advised that I had four loads on rent a room.

I don’t really understand some bits of your post?

He is being a total chancer! He wants to stay at yours for 2/3 months paying only the cost of a takeaway once a week!?

The real question, I suppose is why your partner is agreeing to it? Is the friend blackmailing him or something!!?

I wouldn’t have just sat there and looked confused, I would have said, ‘you want to stay here for months, not pay any rent and just buy one takeaway a week? Really?’

Then said no.

Suebnm · 19/06/2019 07:54

Honestly, your boyfriend or you need to get rid of him. You say you need the extra money his rent would have provided but now you and your boyfriend are letting him stay while you foot the bill.

It will cost you a lot of money to have your boyfriends friend there. They are both taking the piss out of you.

Ginger1982 · 19/06/2019 08:00

This is a ridiculous situation.

Original poster

Littleteacup1 · 19/06/2019 08:05

To be fair I was just in shock partner states that he will leave it for 2 weeks see how it’s goibg and then discuss with him friend went to bed early last night and is out to work before 6 and it meant to say I had found loads of rooms to rent

OP posts:

Poloshot · 19/06/2019 08:07

This is unbelievable. What a CF

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 19/06/2019 08:13

My aunt air bnbs 3 of the 4 rooms in her house she works away a lot and has a flat in the other city, she rents by week, month or longer to office type professionals and engineers etc as she is back there most weekends and doesn't want holiday makers all the time , he could easily do this as he has a job

ThanosSavedMe · 19/06/2019 08:14

You tell him what the rent is and what the rules are. He doesn’t like it, he leaves.

He’s a 40 year old man not a child. If he can hold down a job, he can find somewhere to live, which he pays for.

If you’re feeling generous, look up lodgers rates in your area and knock 20% off but if you carry on as you are he will carry on taking advantage of you.

Marmozet · 19/06/2019 08:16

He could easily find a short term lease on roommates.com.

Personally I wouldn't let him stay; if he has a well paid job he's not exactly a homeless man on the street.

My ex did this. She invited her friend to stay with us for a couple of days as her tenancy had ended and the new one didn't start until 2 days later.

She turned up with so much stuff which stank of damp. Was with us for a least a week as she hadn't even signed a new tenancy agreement. She never washed! She stank of stale cheese and would sit on the sofa bare foot. She asked to borrow money. In the end we had enough.

Birdie6 · 19/06/2019 08:16

He was paying for his room before he came to you - so why isn't he paying you the same amount as he was paying before ? I'd sit him down and tell him that he can choose - either pay you what he was paying before, or he can rent one of the rooms you found for him.

WillLokireturn · 19/06/2019 08:17

He thinks he's staying at yours for no rent ? This friendship won't last at all, no point in waiting two weeks. Sounds like he wants to bring over his other stuff too.
Just give him the list of Rent a Room places you found & say " DP sprung it on you before you'd had chance to discuss terms, rules and rent and decide, as we were talking about a possibility weeks away, not tonight. That buying a takeaway each week or helping out, isn't even close to rent, so it's not going to work. For sake of friendship saving, here are rooms you can rent. You can stay a couple nights but that's it"

Isadora2007 · 19/06/2019 08:19

He will be using your gas/electricity and water. Him not paying anything is not reasonable. As he doesn’t have an actual bed though, paying the same as a proper room and board is also not reasonable. The cost of a takeaway every week would actually be around £80 a month- so would you be happy with him providing his own food plus giving you £80 per month or £100? If so you need to speak now.

Passthecherrycoke · 19/06/2019 08:19

To be fair, you can’t expect much rent for a mattress on the floor of an office. I would give him 2 weeks under those circumstances - with a contribution to bills say £50 a week- then say he will have his own room as a lodger can expect but at a set rental price.

Seems like a big miscommunication and I think you just have to chalk it up to experience. You can’t expect to have s lodger but not prepare the room, consider cancelling the agreement at the last minute etc like you guys have done here

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/06/2019 08:20

Tbh OP at the moment your partner is the only one bringing an income in. You don't say whether you have kids, or any other reasons not to be working, so he is funding you too.

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/06/2019 08:27

You need to act as the bad cop and ask for rent. You're not the one who has to maintain a workplace relationship with the friend so have nothing to lose.

RedPink · 19/06/2019 08:47

It was a bit daft to plan to sit down with your partner and his friend to talk about money then NOT talk about money 😅

Just decide with your boyfriend what you think is reasonable and ask him for it. You are overthinking everything. There is no reason for all the awkwardness.

Likethebattle · 19/06/2019 08:55

He’s already displaying his cheeky fucker side. He’s going to be an absolute arsehole.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/06/2019 09:00

This situation has big mistake written all over it!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread