Hi
Basically... my ex has recently introduced his new girlfriend to our children. Admittedly this has been very hard for me and it’s nlt been nice at all. Moreso as his gf has called me ‘fat’ and ugly in the past and generally not been nice. So my feelings towards her are not positive in any way. Also my ex is emotionally abusive and even up until weeks ago still tries it on with me.
When they first met her they went bowling (fine). But she hugged them goodbye (not fine as they don’t know her).
Second time they went to the cinema (fine) but the kids thought it was going to be just them and their dad. He only sees them wednesdays for two hours and every other weekend (sat 10am until Sunday whenever he likes it seems). So that time in between he sees his gf and her kids (and I think he might be living with them or certainly stays every night except for when he has our kids one night). I’ve offered for him to see the kids more but he’s ignored that and tells everyone how much he misses them but then never wants to see them more?! He’d rather just obsess over his gf.
On to the point!... it was obviously Father’s Day yesterday and my weekend. It got until Thursday and no offer of seeing them so I messaged his sister (as I’ve stopped all direct contact due to his games and coming in my house looking through my things etc) and asked if he wanted to see them. He had replied yes. I had said I’d hope he’d respect the kids would want to spend time with just him/ family.
So he picks them up (acts all nice and spoke to me for the first time in a few weeks since I’ve refysed to have sex with him) and said he’d drop them back at 6pm.
Gets to 6.30pm.., kids not home. Try to call my child and nothing. Finally my child calls and says they’re on their way home from Kate’s (his gfs!) where they had been all afternoon for a roast. I was fuming.
They get home gone 7pm.
He hasn’t respected mine or the kids wishes and trying to play happy families with her. The kids have now seen her every time he’s had them since he introduced them which he promised me and the kids wouldn’t be the case. When we were amicable he said he agreed he needs 1-1 time with them as he rarely gets to. Now he doesn’t leave her side or want to do anything without her. It’s unhealthy and their rs is unhealthy and the kids are really affected by seeing her. My eldest sleeps in my bed and my youngest asks for days after when her mum and dad are getting back together. I tell her we won’t and he’s with someone else now but I don’t think she understands why he acts like he does with her and not me and not want to be home with us. It’s horribke for them and that he doesn’t respect their feelings. He doesn’t even give them a choice as to whether to see her or not.
He’s also now doing no contact with me but to the extent that he won’t communicatd about the kids. About money he owes, birthdays etc which are sent via our tp. He’s acting like a child and refuses to coparent. All he thinks about is himself and his horrible selfish gf.
The only response I’ve had since no contact was one his gf clearly sent, so he can’t even write his own messages anymore.
Also she draws up schedules for the holidays, despite me drafting one she does her own and gets him to pass it back. It’s like a control thing. She’s trying to control everything and he’s totally under her spell. I just want him to be a proper dad to his kids and put them first and not her and not be so weak and pathetic to do everything she says or thinks. Neither of them respect anyone else.
I wish I could make it so they didn’t have contact with her but I know I couldn’t.. so what else can I do? I feel powerless! They do whatever they want even when it’s against my parenting morals.
If they keep bringing the kids back late can I do something about that? I wouldn’t ever want them to not have contact with their dad as if anything I wish he wanted more contact with them. It’s just heartbreaking he’s turned out like this and it’s making me depressed and low and not able to move on