How can I show appreciation to DH

[NCforpoo]

He's been picking up all the slack while I've been ill. And I know it's getting to him. All childcare, all housework, on top of his work, gardening, diy etc. Even father's day wasn't that great- we got him a present and DD made a card but he still had to do all childcare as I had to go to bed early (Like 4pm) it's pregnancy related illness so I can't see it getting much better soon

I want to do something for him to show him I appreciate it. Just saying it isn't enough. He's a very practical person (when I have a complain about not being able to do things, he comes up with ideas rather than sympathy) so ideally something practical to make his life easier. Any ideas?!

I hope you feel better soon, OP
It’s lovely you want to do this for your DH. My DH is incredibly supportive too...
Have you thought of writing him a letter?

Could you organise a weekend away for you both for when your feeling better?
Experience days, football tickets, concert tickets.
Or just the little things, bake him his favourite cake if you can manage it. Write him notes for him to find at work etc. Random text to tell him how amazing he is.
I would imagine he does it because he loves you and want to, so as long as you don't take him for granted I'm sure you don't, I'm sure that's more than enough for him.

hhhhmmm you could always organise a friend/relative to come over for an afternoon to help you with childcare and send him off to the cinema (or whatever he enjoys) for a break?

Can you afford a cleaner /gardener temporarily to help take some work load off him?

@ethelfleda - what a wonderful idea.

Make him a cup of tea, sit him down and tell him how much you appreciate him. Simple gesture and simple words. It will mean the world to him.

Thank you everyone
I do tell him how much I appreciate what he's doing. But he's not much one for talking or expressing thanks through words. He shows his love through doing things for me- and he feels appreciated when people do things for him
I'll look at getting a gardener for a bit. We're redesigning it so there's a lot of work he feels isn't getting done while he's picking up for me

With respect, does he show this appreciation for you too? How does he show it? Remember he's not doing 'childcare' he's parenting and we should have to do extra thanks just because they're doing the basics. Sounds like you're liking such a lot of guilt on yourself when you really don't need to!!

Getting the grandparents to help out so he can have a break might be nice but ultimately he is only doing what anyone would expect a husband to do while his wife is unwell. The garden and DIY should just have to wait, like it would if he was ill and you were the only one really available for the children.

It's always lovely when you know your Partner has your back and shows you are a true partnership, when they step outside the norm of your lives to support you and the kids.
Doing something nice for him, I'm sure he will appreciate. I think it would be nice to do something from the heart, like a little note from you expressing how much he is appreciated.
And I'm sure tickets to the match or something he really likes wouldn't go a miss 😀😀

With respect, does he show this appreciation for you too? How does he show it? Remember he's not doing 'childcare' he's parenting and we should have to do extra thanks just because they're doing the basics. Sounds like you're liking such a lot of guilt on yourself when you really don't need to!!

Oh ffs. If a family has two parents, bringing them up should be a joint venture. If one is ill and the other has to do extra, I don't think it's unreasonable for the ill one to want to show appreciation towards the other one for doing the whole job.

He's not threatening to go on strike unless the OP makes a gesture of thanks. Stop overthinking it.

Chill out yourself, @Lifecraft. The OP’s husband might be doing more housework at the moment, but presumably he’s still able bodied and I’d say the OP is going through a rougher time. Pregnancy alone is tiring enough, let alone with any complications. @Looneytune253 was just checking in to make sure the OP doesn’t feel needlessly guilty or that the appreciation is one sided. It should be a case that they’re both doing their best for each other, and appreciate it each other for it.
But hey, maybe the husband is also asking around his friends or on forums for nice things he can do for his wife who’s going through a lot to bring their next child into the world safely...

Definitely a day out to somewhere he enjoys...
Football game, racing track...
And some help for you while he's gone so he doesn't need to worry.
Or a cleaner for a few weeks if you can afford it. Or a voucher book for him with little things that you can do for him. Like a foot or back rub... a bubble bath etc.

I appreciate what people are saying about it being a partnership. I would do the same for him if he was out- but I would just need someone to tell me I'm appreciated.

To make him feel appreciated he needs action.
So I'm going to try and do all the admin things that I can do from my bed, but I'd like to take the strain off him. Maybe I'm feeling guilty but that's my problem.
So practical ways to make him feel it's not all on him.
I've got him tickets to a match as well.
Thanks!
We don't have family near but have spoken to a friend to see if she can have DD one night.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to let him know how appreciated it is that he’s doing more than his fair share. I suppose pp like being taken for granted? No? Thought not.

I think it’s lovely that the OP wants to show a little appreciation and can’t believe some people are questioning it!! Just because ‘that’s what you should do anyway’ doesn’t mean that showing a little thanks isn’t needed. We all like to feel appreciated sometimes.
DH and I both do our fair share but we still tell each other how grateful we are and like to do small things to show appreciation. I think it’s a small part of what keeps our marriage a happy one.

Any more ideas?

Does he have a favourite tipple OP? If I wanted to show appreciation I would get a bottle of something I knew he liked.
Perhaps, after the baby is born and you're recovered you could have someone watch the kids and go out to dinner somewhere special?
In the mean time, if it were me, I'd also just appreciate a hug and being told that you were grateful.

In response to the PPs saying that's just his job and it's a partnership, if you did all the caring, housework, gardening etc and someone told you that it was just your job you'd be pissed, it's not different because the DH happens to be male.

Could you afford it to outsource things like cleaner, gardner, giving ironing away so that you both really have time off?

Get him off cooking once/twice a week by getting meals from Cook?

Organising a day off from your child if someone can take her to the park/zoo/anywhere else and he can do what he wants?

DH had to take over significantly twice, once when i suffered with depression and then when i was down with a knee operation and while yes, DD is his daughter and it is his house as well, the extra work was quite a lot compared to normal day-to-day and I thought similar to you. DH got a beer advent calendar then for Christmas when my knee was ok again.

You're giving him a baby

Get a grip.

Get him a personalised T shirt with a message on the front from you x

The same could be said for the OP @Broombroomshaketheroom.
Without her husband, she wouldn't be pregnant, so you could say he gave her a baby.
Stop being nasty. Some people like to show their appreciation, it's better than feeling that they're taking you for granted, for both parties.
My husband brings me flowers or a bar of my favourite choc occasionally, i buy him his favourite expensive whisky now and again.

OP, what about a bottle of his favourite tipple, or when you're feeling better maybe a meal out or a cinema trip?
Hope you're feeling better soon.

It depends what he's into- my dh likes gaming and beer so I'd get him a few of his expensive faves, a new game and a big bar of chocolate and bag of Dorito's with his favourite pizza for a Friday night. He'd be over the moon with that as a surprise thank you even though he has those things often. Or I'd get a family member/ friend to hang out with dd and me whilst he went to the pub on a weekend day and I'd buy him an F1 magazine and a paper to take with him. We had similar when DH had surgery just as I returned to work after mat leave with dc2 and it was hard- it wasn't his fault of course but knowing he appreciated that I was doing everything was nice. We are 50/50 usually but we have 'his' and 'my' jobs and due to the nature of the surgery there was a lot more for me to take on, stuff usually neither of us do if you see what I mean as we don't have a spare room and the baby was still in with us. Tell us what he's into, football, rugby, gaming, gym, wine, beer, foodie, etc and we can help with ideas!

Thanks!!
Hes into Running, rugby, karate, films I don't like (think war movies and suspenseful dramas!) , walking, being outdoors, birds (feathered kind),

I think a "day off" if I can arrange it would be good- But he'll feel guilty that he's not doing stuff around the house so I need to make sure he can't turn it down!

I think its lovely that you want to show your appreciation, I would be inclined to ignore those stating that he should just get on with it (would you thank a cleaner for doing a good job? After all that's what they're meant to be doing!)

If it were me and I was bed bound so to speak, I'd get the grandparents to take the kids, order his favourite take away and eat it in bed, and then have a long and restful cuddle together. Even if it's just for a couple of hours.

Thanks!