To make myself a reward chart? I'm 31 😂

[Insignificant0ther]

Just some background info so I don't inadvertently dripfeed later. I'm in my thirties, mother of one, and chronically personally disorganised. I forget to shower, brush my teeth, eat, etc. (My DS showers, does his teeth twice a day, has three meals a day, that should all go without saying!) I have tried many things over the years to get myself into a routine like shower before/after DS, but that doesn't really work for us. Brushing teeth together works well. We eat dinner together but he gets his own breakfast and has packed lunch at school, so I don't have a routine there. WIBU to make myself a literal reward chart, and what would you put on it?! I'm trying to be a functional adult - this is a serious post from someone who has always struggled silently with things that everyone else seems to find really simple, so no bashing please, I beat myself up enough as it is.
I'm thinking an A4 grid, Monday to sunday across.
Then down, shower, wash face, clean teeth, healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, healthy dinner, clean teeth, wash face, bed at 10pm. What else would you say contributes to a regular day? (Conversely I am massively on top of housework all the time - just not personal care!)

Why not try it? If it is something you want to work on it seems a good a way as any to try.

Do it. Why not?
Get a morning and evening routine going in a way that works for you. So brushing teeth together is a good one. You could wash your faces together too. If DS is young enough for you to hang out while he bathes, you can do face and teeth at night while you chat to him.

And if you do have a chart, remember you need an incentive and rewards too, So if you fill it in for three days in a row - get yourself a small reward, maybe related to your goals - nice new shower gel or facecloth etc and then another reward when you've done a week. And every time you fill it in, mentally register that you've done a good job and that this establishing of a routine is working for you. that mental reinforcement really helps.

You should look at bullet journalling, it's basically reward charts for adults! I use mine to keep motivated with all kinds of stuff.

Word of warning, I gave myself way too many aims to start with and ended up doing almost none of them. Start small, with either just a very few, or start with one area (eating or self care etc). I follow some bullet journalling sites on instagram and watched some YouTube videos for inspiration - there's lots out there. I can't do any of the fancy writing or arty stuff but that doesn't worry me.

Habit trackers are often found in Bullet Journals OP, have a look at some Bullet Journals for ideas.

Thanks growlingbear that's really encouraging x

Do whatever works for you but do you mind explaining how/why you forget to shower/brush teeth/ eat? I was imagining it was more of a case of admin things you were putting off until it was too late or whatever or a job application iyswim?

I have a whole shelf of habit tracking diaries, Kikki k goals books and bullet journals going dusty and unused, I think I need something I can't ignore!

@VladimirsPoutine I just get wrapped up doing other things like cleaning, work, washing, washing up, looking after everyone else. I'm very low down on my priority list

I have a habit tracking app my phone that is basically a reward chart.

There are lots of them available - so there must be lots of adults who need this - don't feel bad op!

@anxietydream Do you mind sharing what it's called please? Thankyou x

But is the obvious first thing to do when you get out of bed not wash your face and brush your teeth?

But is the obvious first thing to do when you get out of bed not wash your face and brush your teeth?
Are you actually asking?

I should add that I work full time but am self employed so don't have the impetus of other people taking lunch breaks to prompt me, and if my hair is dirty it's only me that knows! I suffer with depression and it's usually when I'm backsliding into a low bit that I start to forget to take care of myself. But it can last a while and become a cycle

@Smellbellina hilarious...

I totally get it OP and think it's a brilliant idea that I might nick myself. Ticks in all the boxes = big bar of chocolate/glass of wine or whatever floats your boat. I'm lying in bed thinking my teeth itch because I've forgotten to clean them today

@ginger1982 I guess it depends on what you mean by obvious. The first thing I do when I wake up is go get my boy up for school, then prod him into the shower, while I go make his lunch. I then usually migrate to my desk to do an hour of work before the school run. Self care doesn't come obviously to me, it never has done, which is why I'm asking for help. A lot of adults struggle with things others take for granted, especially neurotypical or executive function.

@tillygetsit I was thinking of rewarding myself with something like £1 a day in a jar and when it's amounted a bit, treat myself to something nice :)

Also PLEASE HELP what should I put on there? This is not a joke, I genuinely struggle with basic self care, it's a depression/esteem thing. I care for my DS but not for myself and I don't want to set him a poor example especially as he comes into older years and will be being more independent

@Insignificant0ther it wasn't a dig, I was just genuinely interested in your thought process. Did you struggle with this as a child/teenager too?

@ginger1982 I grew up in a very regimented household - lots of kids, dad in the Army - so we had a very strict routine. I moved out at 16 and never really learned how to establish my own routine after that. You wouldn't know it, I am 'the organised one' of my friends and family in all other aspects of life. It's just the absolute fundamentals of self care evade me

@Ginger1982 I'm sorry I read it as a dig, I'm very embarrassed and sensitive about this

Just the one chart? My DD is the most organised person I know - she has dozens (the family joke is she has a chart to keep her charts in line). If it will make your life better, do it.

My DD is older that you BTW.

I use an app called Habitica. You can list all the things you want to achieve - daily, weekly, etc and you get points when you tick them off and you lose points if you don't do them. You can level up and get "rewards" too. You earn "coins" that you can spend on rewards you have set - like, I have said 20 coins gets me sofa and movie time.

Can I kindly suggest you also seek therapy?
I only realised recently how poor I was at self care. Just like you I put everyone else first.

I have come to understand I grew up in a household where my feelings and needs were not acknowledged. Narcissistic army father. Lack of self care is very common in those who have been emotionally neglected.
Sorry if this doesn't resonate with you, I'm just trying to help 💐