To make myself a reward chart? I'm 31 😂

[Insignificant0ther]

Just some background info so I don't inadvertently dripfeed later. I'm in my thirties, mother of one, and chronically personally disorganised. I forget to shower, brush my teeth, eat, etc. (My DS showers, does his teeth twice a day, has three meals a day, that should all go without saying!) I have tried many things over the years to get myself into a routine like shower before/after DS, but that doesn't really work for us. Brushing teeth together works well. We eat dinner together but he gets his own breakfast and has packed lunch at school, so I don't have a routine there. WIBU to make myself a literal reward chart, and what would you put on it?! I'm trying to be a functional adult - this is a serious post from someone who has always struggled silently with things that everyone else seems to find really simple, so no bashing please, I beat myself up enough as it is.
I'm thinking an A4 grid, Monday to sunday across.
Then down, shower, wash face, clean teeth, healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, healthy dinner, clean teeth, wash face, bed at 10pm. What else would you say contributes to a regular day? (Conversely I am massively on top of housework all the time - just not personal care!)

I am the opposite of you in that I am chronically disorganised about personal admin, cleaning and shopping but not too bad on self care.

When I say self care I mean the basics. But I always:
Brush teeth morning and night
Cleanse face and night cream at night
Moisturise face morning
Foot cream every day (I have a foot issue)
Body lotion when I remember
Take antihistamine/multivitamin (the latter helps my energy levels)
Have shower once a day (sometimes morning, sometimes night)
Wash hair every other day with nice shampoo
Schedule haircuts (this is recent)
Blow dry hair (not always)
Wash and dry clothes... and hang them up!
Go for walks

I still struggle but knowing I need to do these things to feel well helps.

The house? Not such a long list. I would love to see a similar list about that.

It was either a stupid question or a dig Ginger I was just wondering which.

OP do yourself a reward chart, a £1 a day sounds good. But, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t turn into someone that automatically wakes up, brushes their teeth and washes their face. I used to wish I could be some one that organised myself and got things done to a time table rather than winging it at the last minute. I set myself a challenge this year and have realised that whilst I can do some things better by taking better care of myself I am not a super planner, or someone with a skin care routine etc and actually that’s ok because the way I work is actually great even if it isn’t held up as the ideal.
The thing that helped me the most with self care was seeing a really good counsellor who helped me see that I was worth caring about and caring about myself was the first thing I should do to be best I can for those I care about most, like on a plane; in an emergency you put on your own oxygen mask first.
Do it, but don’t be too hard on yourself.

You know what, I think you need EACH DAY "do one nice thing that makes you feel good that isn't for any other purpose".

Because this isn't just forgetfulness, it's not valuing yourself, isn't it?

I think it would be good for you to include things that are just about kindness and niceness for yourself, so you can start to get used to what that feels like.

I've made myself a weight loss reward chart, with treats planned in for every tenth day that I don't binge. Needs must, doesn't hurt to try!

Ps I bought myself a unicorn reward chart in Sainsbury’s the other week, it has magnets to put it on my fridge. I have put on it personal adminny things to remember weekly so I don’t think it is a stupid idea.

I think it's a great idea, especially if you've never had a need to get into that routine. As pp has said linking rewards to the targets is a great idea.

When it comes to eating, have you considered setting an alarm on your phone to go off at say 12.30 daily just to remind you to stop and eat?

Have fun with it though, don't make it a chore because you won't enjoy that.

Maybe have things like..wash face, clean teeth, spray deodorant, fresh clothes, brush hair. Have something to drink and eat breakfast. Then maybe mid morning have drink, lunch time have something to eat and drink and mid afternoon drink etc? Could u set reminders on your phone for food/drinks? Night time have similar maybe shower, wash hair, clean teeth, clean pjs? Good luck. I think it's a great idea.

OP, I totally get where you're coming from. I work from home too but I'm an employee. It's really easy for me to forget to groom myself too as I'm always sorting out my son for nursery and doing housework before I actually sit down to work.

I found the app Fabulous really helpful for building an evening and morning routine.

I live with my MIL who is bipolar and agoraphobic. She hasn't looked after herself properly in years without being prompted so I'm really glad that you have recognised there is a problem, and you're trying to resolve it X

I did pacing for a health condition, it was a revelation. Do much less in general. Prioritise your self care, if a star chart helps go for it. Don't put too much on it. Increase gradually over weeks. Start small.
The cleaning etc is a distraction, make some time to relax, do nothing or meditate (yoga, swimming, hot bath) write this on your chart every day. Presume you have seen gp, counselling etc. If not do it. Good luck.

@oneforthepain You're right. It's about not valuing myself. Ooft reading that was a bit of a sucker punch

OK OP - I also suffer from depression (and work alone from home - think they're related, don't you?) Here's my self-care list each day:

DAILY
Get up
brush hair
clean teeth
clean and moisturise face and neck
Put on basic makeup (mascara, a smudge of eye shadow and lipstick. This is because I am very pale and if I don't, every time I glance in the mirror I see a grey, fat shadow of an old woman staring back, whereas if I put even a small amount of make up on I see a younger women with a more expressive face. If you look exhausted without make up, add some to your daily routine.
Get dressed in nice clothes. It's easy to stay in PJs or 'active wear' if you work from home. But putting on a proper outfit that has a bit of personality also helps, when you catch sight of yourself in a reflection, stop you from feeling like a shadow.
I always put on perfume too, even when I'm alone, I just love the smell of it.

Healthy breakfast - berries and yoghurt with muesli or poached egg of wholemeal or porridge
Have at least one of your five a day - berries or banana, tomatoes and mushrooms or baked beans.
Take supplements if you need them. Vit D spray if you work inside all day and don't commute. Iron supplements if you are tired, L-Tyrosine etc if you have low mood. Work out what helps you.

Clean the kitchen and put a wash load on.

Fill a jug with water and make sure you've drunk it by the end of the day. Keep it by the kettle or near (not on!) your work desk Add sliced fruit or fresh herbs to it if you like.

Whenever you are boiling the kettle or heating up food at lunchtime, do some jumping jacks or high kicks or squats to get your blood moving.

Try to go for a walk every day - 40 mins to 1 hour is best but a brisk 10-15 mins round the block or to the shops is better than nothing.

Talk to someone every day. Even a quick catch up with a neighbour. WFH is so isolating.

Healthy lunch - keep easy salads, healthy soups and seed breads in the house. Have two of your five a day - salad or soup and a piece of fruit.

Evening meal - eat it with family if possible.
Make sure you have 2-3 of five a day and they are varied through the week.

Bedtime routine:
Hang out the wash load if you haven't already or put it in the drier or fold it if it is dry now. If you do this every day there's always a steady stream of clean clothes, bedclothes and towels for every one.

Bath or shower.
Wash hair every 2 days (dependent on hair type) and condition it
Clean and floss teeth.
Clean PJs every two days.
Write down all you achieved - however small
write down what you are thankful for. Keeps depression at bay.

I'm off to follow my own advice now! I don't always - but when I do, it works.

Forgot the obvious: clean your make up off with a proper makeup remover. Never sleep in it. Moisturise face and neck before bed.

OP - It helps if once a month you also have a rota of a single self care thing eg getting brows done or dental check up, haircut or eye test etc.

ASD here.
Didn't know other people washed faces, brushed teeth as soon as they get out of bed? I have coffee, then breakfast.

I kind of have one of these for eating and keeping it in. I don’t give myself a physical reward, it’s more so I can visualise how long I have been able to eat three meals a day when I’m on the verge of having a blip.

Me neither. I'm sure some people do but not everyone.

OP, echoing others: please frame your reward chart so that you are guided into valuing yourself. "I deserve..." to feel clean, smell nice, look my best...

Thank you so much for starting this thread, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one! I occasionally go through phases of being great at, say, cleaning my teeth, but I'll completely forget to brush my hair, or vice versa. I just can't seem to get on top of self care at all. My kids are squeaky clean and well presented - they're the first thing I look after when I get up. DH is always fine, I'm just a thrown-together mess.

I think I'll have myself an app : )

I have a habit tracking app on my phone called STRIDES. It is like a sophisticated star chart and it has been transformative for me. I don’t have much self esteem and I tend to remember my failures more than my successes. Having a solid record of all the things I have done makes me feel much better. I also love that I can see the results as graphs/percentages etc. I used to be a data manager so I love a graph and some statistics.

Some of the things I choose to track are reasonably normal ( I think), including taking my vitamins daily and deep cleaning the loos twice a month. Some are more personal including leaving the house/socialising at least 5 days a week and applying cuticle oil twice a day, but no matter it works for me and I feel much more together and in control since I started using it. Even when I don’t achieve my goals it is helpful as it makes me question whether I am setting the right goals and prioritising the right things

I think you need counseling and possibly medication, not a reward chart. I don’t think it’s the depression that’s the problem. Something else going on maybe? Even at my lowest point after my son died, on my own, looking after two other children, I still showered everyday, brushed my teeth and wore clean clothes.

Worth a go :)

I'm crap at brushing my hair and teeth, showering and eating. I'm great at doing yoga, leaving the house, and getting 10,000 steps a day, and pretty good at weight lifting, all of which I love.

I've found having huel, one of those meal replacement things around, really useful on the eating front. I don't like being distracted from my existing thoughts by having to think about lunch, and I hate how it interrupts my flow, so a bag of zero thought, zero effort nutrition I can just drink works for me.

I think I've got some sort of sensory thing going on with the brushing and washing. My (super cool) dentist (who grew up in a village with no toothbrushes and came to the UK as a refugee) said chewing sugar free gum would be better than nothing, but I haven't managed to make that reliably part of my routine yet

When I was going through a bout of depression I wrote myself a timetable to create structure to my day.
E.g
7:00 wake up
7:05 clean teeth
7:10 shower
7:25 get dressed
7:30 breakfast

Otherwise I found myself drifting to whatever was bothering me the most and would still have not eaten or showered at midday.