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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NDN ringing my door bell every single day.

60 replies

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 16/06/2019 16:22

Bit of background info, my NDN isn't NT, she has alot of learning disabilities and has a physically disable 1YO DD but also a NT 4YO who is a nightmare.
We get on, I have helped her out with furniture and other household items which I have no complaints about as she is by her own words living on the breadline.
Recently she has started ringing my door bell every single day because DD4 wants to come and play with my DD6, I have had her over once and I couldn't handle it.
She put a plug in the sink and left the taps running.
Drew all over DDs reading book for school.
Swears like a trooper.
Throws things around.
Tantrums and so on.
I said to her mum I wouldn't be able to do it again, it was too much for me as I can't run around keeping an eye on her as I'm almost bedbound from PGP.
She won't stop though, I've had to start ignoring the door because her DD just runs in and upstairs then hides and the mum just laughs!
I really want to stay on good terms as apart from this she is a lovely neighbour but I don't know how to handle it in a nice way.
I'm due in August and I'm dreading the thought of this still happening when I have a newborn Sad
How can I nicely handle this situation?

OP posts:
AlyssasBackRolls · 17/06/2019 08:45

formerbabe I use it all the time! Especially when being asked if I want a loyalty card at the till, people selling at the door etc. You can smile, add thanks if you really want but it's a legitimate answer to a question and really powerful when you're being pushed around.

formerbabe · 17/06/2019 08:59

@AlyssasBackRolls. Oh I can say no to salesmen and checkout staff asking for my postcode and email address, but surely with people you know in social situations you can't just say the word 'no' and nothing else without looking like a loon!

AwkwardPaws27 · 17/06/2019 13:29

I would speak to SS and explain that your neighbour is struggling. A referral to homestart, extra support, parenting classes or help to access nursery hours might be possible.
The kids physical needs are being met but your neighbours sounds like she's struggling to parent two DC with different needs and meet their emotional needs. It's not your job to step in and provide that, but helping her ask for the right support might help her, the kids and relieve you from daily visits!

Saavhi · 17/06/2019 14:19

What is nt?

AwkwardPaws27 · 17/06/2019 14:22

NT = neurotypical (no special educational needs / autism etc)

Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 21/06/2019 22:33

Thanks for all the great advice!
Last Saturday morning NDN was at the door.. again.
Then to make matters worse later on in the day their DD4 was at the door, no parent/adult just ringing the bell constantly over and over again, I answered and she tried to walk in, as it happens my DD is at her dad's on weekends so I explained she wasn't here and then walked her back to her house, apparently she had ran out the garden gate Hmm DH wasn't pleased as he works nights and has the Saturday to "recharge" so he cut the wire for the doorbell but left it on so they don't know it's not working!
There is SS involvement but I don't know how often they visit, I'm thinking of giving them a call though as her DP doesn't seem to help much and I don't think she has any break from the kids so I can imagine it's alot to handle.
Homestart seems like a good option too.

I love the idea of being able to say "no" as a complete sentence but I just don't think I could tbh!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 21/06/2019 23:35

I love the idea of being able to say "no" as a complete sentence but I just don't think I could tbh!

TBH Then you and your DH and children are going to have a pretty miserable life.

Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 22/06/2019 00:11

@BMW6 care to elaborate?
Never knew that providing a reason aswell as "no" equates to leading a miserable life, learn something new every day I guess! Confused

OP posts:
WillLokireturn · 23/06/2019 17:20

OP you need to be firmer with her. Not a 'my DD is not here this weekend', but to both NDN, her DP and her child. "Please stop ringing my doorbell. It disturbs us. We won't have DD round to play, it was too much for me. So please stop asking. It worries me she escaped from your garden and came over to disturb us unnoticed. She could have gone anywhere or got hurt. I hope you've secured your gate "

WillLokireturn · 23/06/2019 17:25

Say "No" every time. Not a "Not today" because you're confusing the message otherwise. You don't want her child over, it was too much for you, so say it clearly. You also don't want NDN or her child ringing in your doorbell requesting playdates as you are tired and it disturbs you, so also say that clearly.

It's a kindness to be clear. It's not kind to indicate you might agree another time when you have no intention to.

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