Ruined fathers day - now he wants to fight me in court

[BunsOfAnarchy]

Told DH i have PND 4 weeks ago.
He put his head in the sand. Accused me of cheating. Tells me im lazy and a shit wife. (I have been shit to be around and im not exactly doing much housework any more).

He refuses to emotionally support me through this. Even a hug or askin if im okay would do...but no. Nada.

He said the day i told him that he would fight me in court for full custody of DD (14months). This shit ne up so ive been reluctant to bring up my PND again.

Today he was Hungover as fuck and i tried to get him up so we could go a place i have planned to take him and DD for fathers day.
He got annoyed as hell then said he only has 1 lie in and i ruined it and i ruined fathers day, told me to fuck off and leave as he hates me and i (stupidly) said 'fine i WILL leave, talk to you through a solicitor then' as i left through front door.
He went upsatirs and leaned out the window and shouted at 9:30am 'i know youre fucking cheating too and watch ill take her off you in the divorce'. We live in a tiny Close of 10 houses. Im so embarrassed.

What do i do? Where do i stand?
Where do i go from here?
I cant stay with him as he refuses to help emotionally with my PND and just wants me to 'snap out of it'. He has ALWAYS had a short fuse and he has never helped me through anything emotionally, just let me get over it myself.

He things the courts will give him full custody because i have a mental health problem. And i am an unfit mother.

AIBU to think that although i just want to leave him, i cant because im terrified my daughter will be taken away from me?

What do i do?

He isn't a good father, he is a shit one.

A good father would not demonstrate to his child that her mother is a lesser mortal than he is.

He is an arsehole and your DD needs a much better role model as she grows up.

So much good advice here- all I can really add is that if I was your neighbour and I had witnessed him like that, my only thought would be whether you and dd were ok.

He can be a brilliant father when he has access then. Hes a shit partner

From what you have told us of his actions, he is a manipulative gaslighter and you are being emotionally abused.

You likely don’t just have Pnd. Living with someone like that can cause mental health issues.

Being a brilliant father isn't just about getting up at 3am and playing with the kids. It's about showing their mother respect and treating her as she should be treated, showing his children how she should be treated.

These statements are so eye opening.
I never ever thought this would be me. We have always been so happy. But this behaviour, usually post drinking (sometimes even after 1 beer hes a twat to me), has ALWAYS been there.
Once a month, every couple months etc.

Today he is completely back to normal. Completely. Like nothing happened. Talking about going to a pub for a sunday roast this weekend.
Like wtf. This is him. Always back to normal. But this time IM different.
This time i am NOT convinced. I am still very much wanting to get my shit together and leave.

Make sure that you clear your browser history on your laptop/tablet/phone & that you frequently name change to protect yourself.

Being unpleasant to you and then acting as if nothing has happened is a way of telling you that you're not important that your feelings don't matter

Echo all of the above: GP, HV, WA, friends, family, solicitor, papers in order, ducks in a row.

Would add to that: Read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?"

And get this fred moved to Relationships.

So now (a few hours later) that im home, DD is in bed and he is acting like NOTHING has happened.

Urgh, this sent shivers down my spine. What an absolute psycho.

He is threatening to take your child off you so you stay. He has little to zero chance of winning and as a hands off father absolutely no way will he want the expense or hassle of this.

I am also of the opinion that your PND symptoms are more likely caused or greatly contributed to by the stress he is putting you under and are situational rather than necessarily maternal.

You can’t spend your life being spoken to like this.

Get some help for the PND as a
Priority

If that’s how he is I am not surprised you are so low

Then get yourself some advice and help , start with women’s aid who can direct you to a more local service

Op in this kind of situation education is key and getting yourself clear . Abusive
Men rarely get custody of small babies .

Read up on abusive men and start to create a timeline for yourself of when this all started

It’s not easy in any way shape or form . But starting to empower yourself is critical

Why did you even marry him? Never mind have a baby with him.

LTB

Let's just clear one thing up. He's not a good father. How can you think this? What was your own Dad like?

I know lots of good fathers, and they're all polar opposites to this c-u-next-Tuesday.

Being hands-on and parenting your own child is baseline minimum.

Doing that, while being psychotic and emotionally abusive to your child's mother, is unequivocally not a good father.

@jameswong not particularly helpful.

They’re not going to take away your dd away from you because you have PND. They would have to take children away from thousands of mothers if that was the case.

@BunsOfAnarchy

You stop the booze, however reasonable & relatively modest, because it is a depressant so does not help your mood, & from what you say both of you are under the influence at the same time with a small child in the house ( not that this is verboten) with a toxic situation. You need a clear head at all times.

You may not care about the house now, but you must. You need a secure home for you & your DD & this means £££. So wise up on that one.

PPs have covered the essentials
See your GP - for all aspects of your mental health & make sure your include the realities of your relationships.

Women’s Aid - essential port of call.

Collate evidence - copy documents relevant to house, income, tax & anything that support future income. Particularly if he is self employed.

Keep a diary.
Photograph or collect receipts for beer empties. If may not seem much but establishes a pattern. If he is mean after one beer...

Why did you even marry him? Never mind have a baby with him

Why even post shit like this ? Dick

Guadalquivir19 made a very good point about getting copies of financial stuff. Even apparently nice men can screw you over on financial settlements. You're not dealing with a particularly nice one and he's self-employed- he would hide everything so he didn't have to give you any money.
He should leave not you, you need to protect yours and your child's home.