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Original poster

Ridiculous amount of texting to colleague

59 replies

spiderontheloose · 16/06/2019 10:36

I've found out that my bf of six months is texting his colleague at all times of the day and night. First thing and I mean 630am to last thing.., sometimes during the night if he is out socialising . It is nearly always him who starts it off . Obviously they work together too. I am fuming . Aibu? Btw she is also not single. Texts are usually casual news stories and videos but there can be ego stroking on his side to her but is the amount of contact is making me upset.there is nothing in his texts that I could use to accuse him of cheating though

OP posts:
Original poster
spiderontheloose · 16/06/2019 10:59

Anyone? Is this acceptable? He said they're friends for years and she is like a sister . I'm not convinced

OP posts:
dotty12345 · 16/06/2019 11:01

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Original poster
spiderontheloose · 16/06/2019 11:04

Ok thanks@dotty12345

OP posts:
imarocketman50 · 16/06/2019 11:05

If it was my DH as long as he was happy for me to read all the messages and it didn't interfere in our life, I'd probably be ok with it. Still not ideal.

If they are that good friends, I'd want to meet her too.

MyNewBearTotoro · 16/06/2019 11:06

Is he in contact with other people like this across an average day as well or literally just her? What’s he like in terms of messaging you when you’re apart?

Mintlegs · 16/06/2019 11:06

If your spider senses are on alert tell him. Is this an emotional affair? Do you trust him?

squee123 · 16/06/2019 11:06

my friend and I have a constant WhatsApp chat that details the minutiae of our entire lives. I message her more than my husband. Doesn't mean we're having an affair

PositiveVibez · 16/06/2019 11:09

my friend and I have a constant WhatsApp chat that details the minutiae of our entire lives. I message her more than my husband. Doesn't mean we're having an affair

If you're not gay, it is not the same thing at all!!!

BlueJava · 16/06/2019 11:12

Provided you know her as a couple and he's happy for you to read the messages then I don't see a huge problem (although who has time for all that texting I don't know). If you don't know her then perhaps suggest she and her partner come over for a meal out together, watch his reaction to that.

Broombroomshaketheroom · 16/06/2019 11:14

Is he not allowed close female friends OP?

Broombroomshaketheroom · 16/06/2019 11:16

No @PositiveVibez it is exactly the same thing.

Your partners are allowed close friends of the opposite sex. They are not your property. You don't get to dictate who they can and can't be good friends with because you're insecure Confused

Are you 12? Is this the playground?

Barnabyboy · 16/06/2019 11:16

Wouldn’t bother me

MaryBerrysBomberJacket · 16/06/2019 11:19

@PositiveVibez I'm bisexual so does that mean I can't text any of my mates loads without it being sexual?

Shit. Better start texting the cat...

paddington34 · 16/06/2019 11:20

This would bother me. I would assume that he fancies her.

NoBaggyPants · 16/06/2019 11:28

It may come as a shock to some, but men and women can be friends. Almost all my friends are male. I'm not fucking them, nor do I want to. Pretty certain they don't want to fuck me either.

Original poster
spiderontheloose · 16/06/2019 11:45

He is really good to text me but often turns his phone off so he's not contactable if busy/ tired/ with friends . I haven't met her as we have had no opportunity to and we work at opposite side of the country.
I've had a sneak peak at her social media so far. I don't feel very threatened in one way but I know he hasnt this contact with others friends . Plus he could have all of that contact with me . Something tells me that he has feelings for her . He positively shines when he talks about her which is a great deal of the time. Or else he looks up to her . Ffs I saw a text he had sent her last week at 6 45!!! A stupid video that said ' reminded me of you immediately!'

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 16/06/2019 11:52

If it's constantly throughout the day then I might be a bit bothered, but it depends on their relationship. One of my DP's closest friends is female and they talk a lot, but I know there's no chance that anything would ever happen.
Tell him how you feel.

Beclaboo · 16/06/2019 11:55

@spiderontheloose i feel I am that girl you talk about! I am very close with a male colleague and we message each other all the time with pointless memes etc We work very closely together so have become very good friends. I have been with my partner for a couple of years and we live together, my colleague has been with his gf for about 6 months. We message at random times because that may happen to be the time we think of/see something we must send, just like I would do to any of my girlfriends.

I let DP see messages from him (as in a message my colleague right under his nose) because I like to give him some kind of reassurance as I can understand it would be worrying. Because god forbid a man and woman can be close without fancying each other.

For the record I have no attraction to my male colleague whatsoever and I am 99% certain he hasn’t about me either. I think of him like my little brother and vice versa

If your partner is very open about him messaging his colleague I don’t think you have anything to worry about at all

OldAndWornOut · 16/06/2019 11:56

I wouldn't like it.
It seems a huge amount of his time is spent communicating with her, and I'd feel very uncomfortable about it.

Ghanagirl · 16/06/2019 11:57

Does he send you nice texts also?

Original poster
spiderontheloose · 16/06/2019 12:08

Thanks@Beclaboo for the reassurance . He does send me lovely texts , that's how we communicate outside of getting together. She is by his account extremely funny, intelligent, confident and shit hot at her job. I am a quiet, gentle sort . Average intelligence and suffer hugely from lack of confidence .its almost like he gets from her what he doesnt get from me. We are exact opposites .
Why not wait to see her at work to share all these videos and have these conversations .every evening the moment he leaves work, he starts it again. She may not return or reply for hours if not a day. Doesn't stop him . In fact I would say he gets more in contact.

OP posts:
Original poster
spiderontheloose · 16/06/2019 12:14

I have spoke. To him, I've told him that I m not comfortable with his level of contact with her , yet he can be mia with me .
He laughed at me and said that they are friends, not to be ridiculous, that she is at a different stage in life and that she is an incredible friend . I e seen photos of them in a group and it's always the same .. the two of them beside one another , leaning on top of one another , splitting themselves laughing .

OP posts:
Vegena · 16/06/2019 12:51

I wouldn't like that much texting either OP

OldAndWornOut · 16/06/2019 12:55

From reading replies here, and your update, I feel I should be swayed to say I wouldn't mind.
But I would, still.

0blio · 16/06/2019 12:57

I'd be very uncomfortable indeed with that level of contact - he's literally thinking about her most of the time.

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