Ridiculous amount of texting to colleague

[spiderontheloose]

I've found out that my bf of six months is texting his colleague at all times of the day and night. First thing and I mean 630am to last thing.., sometimes during the night if he is out socialising . It is nearly always him who starts it off . Obviously they work together too. I am fuming . Aibu? Btw she is also not single. Texts are usually casual news stories and videos but there can be ego stroking on his side to her but is the amount of contact is making me upset.there is nothing in his texts that I could use to accuse him of cheating though

It is possible as others have said for males and females to have a good friendship.

It does sound a bit weird that he texts her and she may not reply back till the next day but he continues to text her that day, Would he be annoying her ? I get that some people don't reply immediately, so she could be like that.

If they are friends in the last 2/3 years, I would have thought that if there was anything in it, they would have got together before you met.

I wouldn't be giving him an ultimatium, I tried that in my 20s with a guy I was head over heels about, he had a friend much longer than me, I didn't like how he gave her so much time. It didn't work out between us as I realised that I had alot of jealousy in me and couldn't bear him in contact with the opposite sex, (I've thankfully changed ). Give it another while and see, invite her and her partner over for dinner and see how they are in each others company. Your gut will tell you. It could just be jealousy, it's early days in your relationship and you are both finding your feet.

She has been his friend a lot longer than you. If he was going to get together with her it would have happened before you came along. If you issue him an ultimatum he will most probably choose her. She is a work colleague and a lo g standing good friend. You have only been around 6 months.

From 630 to last thing at night

Of course that isn’t fine who needs to chat with someone they work with so already spend a lot of time with so much unless they were needing or wanting something from them - sounds as though they are both needing and wanting each other’s attention

You are not being needy it’s understandable that you are questioning what is going on and where you are in all this. A few texts a day is very different from an ongoing commentary. And him telling you how great she is

Do not settle for being uncomfortable just because you fear coming over needy. And as for ultimatums if your relationship has reached that then you need to look at others areas and question if it is really worth holding on to

I have lots of male friends as I worked in an almost all male environment and in my gaming clan out of 100 of us there is only one other woman. DH also has a couple of women friends, we msg occasionally and chat and have even gone out to lunch but that level of contact is too intense, first thing in the morning on waking and all the mentionitis that’s a bit much, I would say straying in to possible emotional affair territory.

Oh come on! I hate threads like this because other posters pretend they're soooo cool and relaxed. I can honestly say that I don't know a single person, myself included, who wouldn't be at all bothered by their partner having this level of contact with a friend of the opposite sex. I think even if you don't think anything is happening it's a bit inappropriate and hurtful that the person who is supposed to love you has SO much more to say to someone else, and has SUCH a great time talking with someone else that they'd rather talk to them than you like, most of the time. YANBU

To be honest I'd be a bit annoyed if my DP was texting anyone this much as it's frankly rude to be glued to your phone and ignoring the person you're physically with!

@Grumpy the OP has only been with this bloke 6 months. Why should he scale back on a much longer standing friendship because she doesnt like it. When you get together with someone you have to accept the friends they come with whether they be male or female.

Although I agree its rude to keep texting someone else when you are in company.

You don’t sound needy or insecure OP. Ignore the “cool wives” on here. Yes of course men and women can be friends (I have plenty of male friends myself) but if you’re in a relationship then your main relationship should be with that person and there’s certainly no need to text a colleague all morning and all evening when you’ve spent all day with them too!

OP I wouldn’t give an ultimatum as what would be the point? Instead I would just have a grown up conversation with him - let him know that it bothers you that he spends time that could be spent with you on texting her instead, that he feels he has more to share with her than you, and that he gives her all these over the top compliments. See how he reacts. If my DP has that conversation with me I would feel bad he was feeling that way and get my priorities in order as my relationship with him is more important than any friendship with a colleague. If he doesn’t change or brushes you off then you know you’re simply not that important to him.