Posting here for traffic.
Broke up with ex a year ago, he's had a girlfriend about 6 months, kids introduced fairly quickly and a fancy holiday booked for them all in October.
The holiday was hard to stomach, as we never went abroad together with our DC in the 15 years we were together; however, there's nothing I can do about it and I know the kids will have a great time.
I'm struggling so much to get over this, bit of a back story but the basics are, before he got with his gf he'd say jump and I'd say how high and he used to call me some horrible names like 'cunt' and 'fat slag' then say, they're only words...but my god can words mess you up so much. Then it all stopped in an instant, when he got his gf, which I suppose is good but I'm hurting still.
Anyway he gave me and the DC a lift back today from my mums as he was due to have them for the night and a receipt fell out of his van, I'd picked it up but he had drove off before I could say anything. The receipt was for flower petals, I messaged him and said your receipt for your petals fell out if you want it back and then started the messages of 'you probably used then to sprinkle them on your gf bed?' Which he didn't deny.
Why did I have to look at it? I know I sound so pathetic but can't stop picturing him doing something like that for her, which he never done for me.
I ended the messages with, 'you must have hated me so much, as you never took me away or did romantic things like that for me' I know I'm being unreasonable as it must be different with someone new. But it's just so so hard, especially feeling him and our DC and her kids are playing happy families now and I'm just left heartbroken.
He came to mine about a month ago to talk about arrangements with the DC and we ended up sleeping together, he initiated it, but I didn't stop it. It was a mistake which I wouldn't want to repeat, especially after it he said he wasn't in love with me, he's over me and that it was the biggest mistake ever, so felt heartbroken all over again. So I feel like he might be doing all this for her out of guilt, but I think things like that will come out eventually. I wouldn't say nothing to her, but if he's happy to keep it on his conscious, then that's up to him.
I know I wouldn't want him back, as too much has happened, and I know I need to stop messaging and stop comparing, but will I ever get over this!? 