Do you think it's necessary to know about your partners sexual history?

[ustr]

This might be a bit of a weird question.

So I've always been under the impression that in a good relationship you pretty much know everything. Not in a controlling way or anything, but more about having a solid friendship base within the relationship where you know everything about each others past, basically I liked the idea of knowing each other inside out (to a certain extent). I always thought that knowing about each other's sexual history and relationship history was somewhat important. It's probably the only thing DP and I don't know about each other.

My ex and I were together for years and we knew everything in that sense, who we'd both been with, about past relationships, everything - but we were fairly young and there wasn't a lot to tell and it all kind of just came out casually when there was a lot of security in the relationship so I wasn't bothered.

With my current DP, we know really little about each other in that sense. I know about his one long term relationship and he knows about mine but that's it. Couldn't tell you even approx how many partners each other have had, if we still have contact with anyone we've slept with, when we lost virginities, nothing. I'm worried that it's weird to have this part so untalked about in a serious relationship but also feel like it'd bother me to hear about it.

Am I overthinking this?

No. We’ve talked a bit about ex partners, not really about the sex (can’t think why we would unless something weird or unusual happened!), I don’t see the need really. If DH asked, I’d be honest, but he isn’t that interested and neither am I.

Not full sexual history no. I know about my DP’s significant exes and we have previously talked about how we lost our virginities, but we don’t know the full list and picture of our previous sex lives and I don’t think it’s necessary.

What good can come of it? You are both adults, you accept that he has had at least one serious relationship and perhaps a few not so serious.
Anything beyond that knowledge can only cause anxiety

I wouldn't want exact numbers or anything, but if he had hundreds of previous partners, or slept with men etc I would want to know.

No. Current sexual health yes, but sexual history, no, none of my business.

So crack open a bottle of wine and ask him.

What difference would it make to know his sexual history? Some things are better left alone. I know my own personal sexual history would have an impact on how some people viewed me, but I'm a very different person today to how I was back then.

it wasnt a issue for either of us as we were(are)each others only ever sexual partner or any sexual activity

he was 17,i was 18

been together nearly 20 years

I'm not remotely interested in what people may have done in a bedroom, unless I was actually present.
Also not fond of the "know everything, share everything" thing. For instance my brother lets his girlfriend look at his phone and she has the password. I'd never share that with anyone. Seems weird to me. Though obviously lots of people think it's perfectly fine.

I am definitely better off not knowing. I feel jealous rage at the thought of any past lovers (I know who the very small few girlfriends were but they were rare so everyone else was just a shag). I can’t bear the though of the shags weirdly! Maybe because I never slept with anyone outside of a relationship so it’s an unknown to me.

No. It doesn't interest me. Managed almost 20 years together without knowing this. I have no idea what purpose it would serve to know.

As far as I'm concerned my DH's sexual history is his business and I'm not sure what I'd gain by knowing about it. We discussed our previous serious relationships but I have no idea how many people he's slept with, nor him me.

I would want to know if there was anything "unusual" i.e. prostitutes, assault or accusations of assault, criminal charges, same sex relationships, sexual health, if he'd fathered children etc so I knew what type of person he is. Anything else vanilla, regardless of quantity/quality, not interested in.

In other relationships I have known about ex’s and I’ve felt either totally not bothered or inadequate, depending on dynamics.

My current partner knows nothing of my past (he has little to none and I’ve never asked) he has shared voluntarily but I have not, even when asked (I’m no floozy by any stretch!!) and just said my last partner treated me like crap which is true and I’d rather forget it even happened.
In my previous experience it only has a negative impact and I don’t feel any jealousy and neither does he. He’s not bothered and past is past.

I'm glad I know but it was just something we discussed from early in the relationship. Dh only had two gf before me at college and Uni, so not much to say. He knows all my history too, but no need for detail.
It's part of not having any secrets for us, but each to their own.
There's nothing about either of us that would shock the other, no matter what it was, we're both pretty open minded.

I knew about boyfriends prev sexual history when I was younger but not DPs now we are mid 30s/40s, I think I learnt it wasn't important to me and it was his business

We know each other's sexual histories. Nothing to be ashamed about so why not? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know DH was married twice before we met and I know why the marriages ended. He knows about my previous marriage and why it ended.

Other than that, I’ve no interest in knowing about his relationships or sexual past - and he’s never asked me about mine so I presume he feels the same way.

DH and I have been together 16 years. I have no idea how many women he was with before me. I have never asked. He occasionally mentioned a longer term girlfriend if it was relevant but that is it. Same for me.

I was talking to a younger, single friend a few weeks go and she was asking about my "number" and I realised I have no idea. Not because there were loads of them but because the most recent one was 16 years ago! There are guys I dated and I genuinely can't remember whether we had sex or not

It becomes less relevant the longer you are together.

at some point told me he had slept with well over 100 women. That made me feel a bit insecure. Lots to compete with.

Bollocks to competing! I'd have thought "Ew. Skanky." I am clearly way more prudish than average.

We know each other's sexual histories. Nothing to be ashamed about so why not? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Nothing to do with being ashamed. I'm just not interested because it doesn't matter. It makes zero difference to my marriage. I don't care. He could have shagged 100 women or 10. For the past 20 years he has shagged me. That all I care about.

No, I don't think it's necessary or even each others' business really unless it impacts your current relationship somehow (eg sexual health).

We don’t; I think we both know vague numbers but more about each other’s relationships

Not rtft

No

Not in detail and assuming it's not convictions for rape or something I don't think it matters