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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit weird about a photo

54 replies

Randomsunshineovermull · 15/06/2019 13:13

I’m absolutely prepared to be told IBU, i know I am but I’m surprised I feel weird about this.

So the school has a parents only portal where they post pictures of the children, (tapestry for those who know it) I’m happy it’s secure and you only see photos that your child’s tagged in. A new post came on this morning of my daughter and 8 other kids in her class doing an obstacle course. So again the only people who can see this post are the registered parents of these 8 kids, all 4/5 years old. There’s about 10 photos and in one a few of them are rolling on the floor, my daughter is in the middle of the frame facing the camera with her dress up around her waist, legs out to the side her pants on full show, the rational part of me again knows it’s an innocent picture obviously, they are all laughing and giggling but if I’d caught that picture I wouldn’t post it anywhere someone else could see, I don’t know all these parents, I can’t name all the 8 kids.
So my question is have IBU seeing inappropriate where it doesn’t exist (I’ve read the flaming of pants being called panties and people being uncomfortable), or do you think a polite calm email to the teacher asking for it to be removed is a huge over reaction?

I have no issue whatsoever in the playing, or the photo being taken, it’s only the fact it’s posted for people I don’t know (even only 16 at most, even though they are fellow parents) to see that is making me uncomfortable, im probably completely over thinking this and should just move on!

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 15/06/2019 13:15

I would message and just ask them to remove it. Don't worry about it all

BlueMerchant · 15/06/2019 13:17

You could get it removed. Personally I think I'd move on and forget about it.

nokidshere · 15/06/2019 13:20

It's only knickers. Children roll around in the weirdest positions all the time, if you are feeling bad about them seeing her knickers put her in trousers. You can't control what she does out of the house and in front of others. All sorts of people may or may not have already seen them.

W0rriedMum · 15/06/2019 13:21

I'd calmly ask for it to be removed.

TheInebriati · 15/06/2019 13:23

I don't think you are being unreasonable, if its your child and you wouldn't post the photo yourself, you should be able to get it removed.
I know that rationally its no different from a swimsuit photo, but I don't think we should have to constantly justify ourselves.

S1naidSucks · 15/06/2019 13:24

I agree with you, OP. While it would be a cute and innocent photo to have in your own personal album, I’d feel funny about those I don’t know, having access to it. That’s nothing to do with thinking that the parents are paedophiles, but more to do with the fact that my child is entitled to dignity in front of others.

NottonightJosepheen · 15/06/2019 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BananaCatto · 15/06/2019 13:30

Surely there should be a ‘report this image’ button?

revengepudding · 15/06/2019 13:32

Ask them to remove it. You would be surprised at how many time s parents have to ask to get photographs of their children taken down from public and enclosed sites because admin doesn’t have a clue. Underwear on show as in your case, children crying or otherwise distressed, children with food spilled down their clothes (sometimes looks like vomit) and a child with non regulation bottoms on amongst a sea of uniforms (probably had a toilet accident)... You name it, admin have posted it. Sometimes it makes the child look bad, sometimes the parents, sometimes the school or nursery. Some people don’t have any awareness about this sort of thing, are not professional, cannot put themselves in someone else position.

Just ask to remove as her underwear is showing.

Original poster
Randomsunshineovermull · 15/06/2019 13:35

Nokidshere - no trousers allowed, but that’s a different issue! It’s not the knickers thing at all, it’s just the photo of them!
I think s1naidsucks has put her finger on it, it’s about dignity.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 15/06/2019 13:38

S1naidSucks completely agree with the comment about dignity.
I’d ask for it to be removed; it’s also not fair if in years to come that photo is used to embarrass your daughter.

Illberidingshotgun · 15/06/2019 13:40

Regardless of what anyone here thinks, what the other parents think and what the school think, you feel uncomfortable about the photo being on there, so it would be perfectly reasonable to ask them to remove that one.

revengepudding · 15/06/2019 13:42

nokidshere please post a picture of yourself legs open and pants showing, for us all to judge.

It’s only knickers after all.

Why should a child have fewer rights than you.

slt2b · 15/06/2019 13:42

It's your child and therefore your decision if you want the photo removing. I'd just say I'd like it removing as it makes me feel uncomfortable and leave it at that.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 15/06/2019 13:44

I think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to politely ask for the photo to be taken down as her knickers are showing. I’m sure you won’t be the first, or last, parent to do so. As you say it’s the sort of thing that could be embarrassing for her.

GhostRidersInDisguise · 15/06/2019 13:46

Don't even say why you want it removed. Just ask/tell them to.

revengepudding · 15/06/2019 13:48

I would tell them why... so they learn from their mistake.

idril · 15/06/2019 13:50

I'd ask for it to be removed. Definitely the dignity thing - the knickers per se wouldn't bother me.

You also don't know whether one of other children who have access to it might tease her about it in the future when she might be bothered about it.

category12 · 15/06/2019 13:54

I'm surprised the teacher(?) thought it was an appropriate image to put up.

revengepudding · 15/06/2019 13:57

category12 You would be surprised what people think is appropriate. My SIL once put an entire file of photos ( taken by her son at scout camp) on Facebook. By morning she had many messages from parents demanding she take them down and actually FB already had so someone must have complained to them. The pictures were of the boys dorm and the boys getting ready for bed. 😐

category12 · 15/06/2019 14:03

But you'd think a teacher would be on the ball about these things.

revengepudding · 15/06/2019 14:11

category12 you’d think so but some people just have completely different viewpoints.

velveteenwabbit · 15/06/2019 14:11

I wouldn't like that either and I'd definitely ask for it to be removed. A previous poster is right, it's about dignity.

WindsweptEgret · 15/06/2019 14:17

I would ask for it to be removed, but why were they not in PE kit for an obstacle course? Trousers are not allowed?! Do you mean not allowed for girls or both sexes? How about shorts?

MillicentMartha · 15/06/2019 14:19

YANBU.

I think if you’d seen them playing at the time and caught a momentary glimpse of her knickers it would be absolutely fine. A photograph of that isn’t a momentary, transient thing and therefore has more potential for embarrassment and making you and her feel uncomfortable.