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AIBU?

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Original poster

What way would you expect a 10 yr old to behave

75 replies

smileandnod88 · 15/06/2019 09:21

Me and my partner have moved in together I had a 5yo he has a 10yo DS.

Partner works shifts so when he’s working I have his son which I don’t mind at all. But he gets on very babyish he talks in a baby voice and finds it difficult to do simple tasks which at his age I would expect him to do.

This morning he got up and snuck up to the living room door and the. Ran back to bed he did this five times until I went and told him if he wanted to get up he could. He also had a poo accident last night and the poo ended up on the hand towels in the bathroom but he didn’t tell me this I realised when he came into the living room
And I smelt it. No medical issues btw

When I told his dad he was very blasé and asked me not to make a big deal (which I wouldn’t anyway) but he isn’t even gonna speak to him about it.

What is ‘normal’ behaviour for a 10 year old

OP posts:
WhiteRedRose · 15/06/2019 11:33

This is the Poo troll again isn't it... 🙄 Reported.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/06/2019 11:33

If it has been going on for 2 years with everyone then it likely to be either sn with a medical reason or emotional insecurity caused by the changes in his life.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/06/2019 11:36

Either way he needs support not you being annoyed about it.

Original poster
smileandnod88 · 15/06/2019 11:38

There’s no rules put on him at all whether that’s about eating or what time to get up (or go to bed 11pm for a ten yo is far too late imo)

I could understand all this and the responses if I was a mrs trunchbull with him but I never tell him off ever. I have told him how this is his home as much as anyone else’s and put him to bed and read him a story give him a hug good night, lay out his pjs after his bath at night when he’s here. I don’t ignore him or treat him differently

OP posts:
Yabbers · 15/06/2019 11:48

My ten year old is generally well adjusted, bright, no mental issues and no emotional upheaval. She gets upset if there are any accidents in the toilet and struggles to tell me. No way she would be happy to tell a step parent.

Go easy on him, sounds like he is struggling.

Original poster
smileandnod88 · 15/06/2019 11:50

Re the toilet incident I didn’t mention it to him at all

I mentioned it to his dad and it was his blasé attitude that annoyed me not the child

OP posts:
Widowodiw · 15/06/2019 11:51

I think your making a bit of an issue about not a lot tbh:
The going back and forth to his room- why didn’t you get up after the second time and tell him “morning” etc? 5 times he doesn’t know if he can get up and go downstairs by the sounds of it. My7 year old just lands downstairs without me knowing. Establish he boundaries.

Pooh incident- well sometimes shit happens. Just tell him that if he makes a mess in the bathroom to tell you and let you know.

Baby voice- so what? What harms he doing? Just ignore as much as you can he will soon stop once reaching secondary school.

MissingInActionYouSay · 15/06/2019 12:04

I'm in Italy on holiday with my ten and 15 year olds. I left them to go food shopping as soon as I arrived and when I came back my ten year old had made the beds and unpacked the cases as my eldest brought them in from the car park. Youngest can also empty bins and can cook a few basic meals alone. The only reason she would have a toilet incident would be ilness and she would likely put the towel in the wash herself

Lizzie48 · 15/06/2019 12:05

Some things you're describing remind me of my DD1 (10), who is adopted, as is DD2 (7). Obviously, adoption is different from a blended family, but your DSS is going through a massive change.

You say the baby voice has gone on for 2 years. When did your DSS stop living with his own mum? Or when did his parents break up? This boy has been going through a lot of changes and possibly has been just expected to adapt, without having things explained to him.

My DD1 does the childish voice a lot and I confess it bugs me, too. I've started to ignore, too, and say I don't understand. Getting up and down is something she does, too, though she does it at night, when she's supposed to be going to bed.

She used to soul her knickers regularly, and very occasionally doesn't wipe her bottom properly now, though I've put it down to carelessness. So I would say nothing. You could cause him a lot of distress and embarrassment if you bring it up. Your OH has the right attitude here. (I know it's frustrating if you're the one who had to deal with it!)

Is your DSS playing up at school, too? It would be worth asking them if they have any concerns.

Other than that, I wouldn't be overly concerned as yet.

Lizzie48 · 15/06/2019 12:08

@MissingInActionYouSay My DD2 would be capable of unpacking; she loves packing and unpacking. She's been known to try and help DD1, who is still quite clueless. (Other issues have taken precedence, we're dealing with violent meltdowns etc.)

Children develop at different rates; comparisons are pointless.

Original poster
smileandnod88 · 15/06/2019 12:12

His mum and dad broke up before he was born so he’s never lived with them both

OP posts:
Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 15/06/2019 12:13

I hope you left the df to deal with the mess. My ds 10 has the odd wet bed but strips it himself and puts in the washing basket.
No way should you be cleaning up shit.
Blasé =not dealing with it imo.

Original poster
smileandnod88 · 15/06/2019 12:20

I cleaned it as df was at work

OP posts:
MyNameIsCharlesII · 15/06/2019 12:21

Yay some posters have amazing, independent, well adjusted 10yr olds. Well done you.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 15/06/2019 12:36

He is crying out for help.

Unfortunately you're not seeing it.

Original poster
smileandnod88 · 15/06/2019 12:40

I don’t know what more I can do I never tell him off I treat the kids the same and also make sure he gets one on one time with his dad when here.

I always ask him about school and his interests and play his computer games with him what more can I do here

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 15/06/2019 12:49

My ten year old wouldn’t do any of this he’s like a mini teen, my ten year old niece wouldn’t either, so to me I’d find it very ‘abnormal?’ Perhaps he needs a bit of a chat etc. About how things are feeling for him.

And before people say my boys had a wonderful life he hasn’t, he’s not my birth child and his birth mum barely bothers with him, he was abandoned aged 2 and cane to live with me, a virtual stranger, aged 4.

Pinkmouse6 · 15/06/2019 12:55

My DS is nine. He has been an early riser since he was around two, it has actually got a little better over the past year and he now generally wakes at 6:30 but it used to be 5:30. I don’t mind this whatsoever because he is quiet and doesn’t disturb anyone else, he takes himself downstairs and quietly watches TV. Waking early shouldn’t be punished provided they don’t disturb anyone else in the house, he did disturb you all so should be told off. It’s not acceptable from the age of six I’d say, never mind ten.

The poo accident is pretty gross but perhaps he was too embarrassed to tell you.

I’d say that overall it’s a reaction to his Dad moving in with you and your DC. It has upset his usual routine and he’s acting out, pretty standard for a child of any age.

MammaMia19 · 15/06/2019 12:56

I would start saying you can’t understand him when he speaks in a baby voice. My 6yo sometimes puts b sounds in front of words but it’s just laziness I always say sorry I don’t know what you are saying can you try again without the b.
With the waking up and running round, at bedtime just say - when you wake up just go down and get breakfast/put the telly on please don’t run around.
The loo thing I would have to get dh to say something but he just needs to tell someone if he’s made a mess so it can be cleaned up. He’s old enough to be told he won’t get in trouble for accidents but at the same time it’s not hygienic or nice for other people to use a towel with poo on it! how would he feel if he used a towel that had someone else’s poo on it.
My 6yo has had a massive upheaval as her dad moved out in January so I don’t agree that it’s normal behaviour. Also positive reinforcement when he does something well will really help. When he even does small things independently say “well done it was really good that you got up today quietly thank you”
It’s like he’s crying out for attention but everyone’s ignoring it because they don’t want to upset him but ignoring it isn’t helping anyone!

Pinkmouse6 · 15/06/2019 12:57

Have you been with his Dad long?

Lizzie48 · 15/06/2019 12:57

There probably isn't much more you can do, other than not stressing about it, at least in the short-term. If your DSS continues to behave this way, then you should look into finding some help for him.

And cut your OH some slack as well. He will be worried about his DS, but is going easy on him to give him a chance to adjust.

One further question: is the poo incident a one off or has there been a pattern of him soiling himself?

Wildorchidz · 15/06/2019 12:59

Is this the first relationship his father has had since splitting with the boy’s mum?
Or - putting it bluntly - are you the latest in a series of women that he has been with?

PositiveVibez · 15/06/2019 12:59

I'm in Italy on holiday with my ten and 15 year olds. I left them to go food shopping as soon as I arrived and when I came back my ten year old had made the beds and unpacked the cases as my eldest brought them in from the car park. Youngest can also empty bins and can cook a few basic meals alone.

Oooh bravo. You get the gold star for being the best ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

HennyPennyHorror · 15/06/2019 13:01

You ask about school etc but do you show him love? I doubt it because it's clear you don't like him and children can TELL!

justbeniceplease · 15/06/2019 13:09

always ask him about school and his interests and play his computer games with him what more can I do here

Love him. This sounds very detached. His emotional needs are not being met.

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