So annoyed that I allowed myself to be assaulted at work

[MamaBiker]

I'm in front line health care and today I was grabbed by the hair and punched by a patient. I'm so angry at myself for being feeble and weak and allowing it to happen, can't stop thinking about the self defence training I've received and what I should have done.

I should be angry at the patient but I'm more angry at myself. I've never been the victim of violence and always assumed I would be able to react assertively and control the situation but I was completely overwhelmed with fear

I know I am BU to be annoyed at myself but I just can't help it. I can't imagine experiencing violence as part of daily life it must be terrifying.

Please go easy on yourself OP. He was absolutely out of line and I'm sorry that happened to you.

Thank you for the hard work you put in working in a caring profession, I truly appreciate you and your colleagues and have huge admiration and respect for you. Please don't let this ruin your job for you

I was assaulted multiple times by patients and I always felt angry at myself. I've been blamed once by charge RN for being vulnerable and not thinking proactively in the past as well-that made me more angry tbh. Hope you heal in all ways fast

It would seem that a lot of people are mentally unstable these days, they can be ver unpredictable, if it comes out of the blue then it’s difficult to protect yourself.

I work in frontline healthcare and a few years back was assaulted by a homeless/mental health patient coming into health centre to use the facilities, not a patient of mine but she gave me an almighty crack on the jaw for offering her money to go and get a coffee once she was finished (was torrential rain outside). Thankfully not happened before or after.

@Pacificallythespecific- we do. Not in the UK- but anyone who assaults staff gets a do not welcome- will be refused entry to hospital- unless requiring immediate treatment to maintain life. We will turn the ambulance away or have the police remove them if they walk in. Much better system!

You did absolutely nothing wrong, OP.

But now you need to pursue this - to give your statement, or file a claim, or whatever you need to do - to make sure that this person feels the legal consequences of what he did, and thinks twice before assaulting someone else again.

So sorry to hear this. Does your NHS trust offer Trim interventions for staff after traumatic incidents? They're really good - take up the offer if available. Please look after yourself: freezing is a completely natural response and you're not at fault at ALL xxx

You didn't "allow this to happen", @MamaBiker. It happened to you, and it's bloody awful, and it's so unfair.

Maybe think about the stages you'll go through and recognise them as they happen - shock, anger, fear, acceptance etc.? I've found acknowledging the different phases after something traumatic happens really helps - I kind-of take comfort from knowing there's a process and I'll come out the other side of it eventually.

I hope you're okay 💐

I looked after a special needs teenager who punched and kicked me all day. I couldn't give him any basic nursing care. The final straw was when he pulled my hair and punched me i the face. I know he couldn't help it but I was so angry at having to put up with it, because the bottom line was that he needed care.

I felt very shaken up
And upset by it. Which is very unlike me. I was angry that I was allocated him again a few days later, but he'd calmed down by then.

You're trained to care for your patients, that is probably a much stronger instinct that defending yourself against them.

This

How horrible, I hope you are ok. 💕

I was attacked once. I managed to hold my own for a bit but I realised my defensive blows were so much weaker than I anticipated. I thought my adrenaline would kick in and my blows would send them flying, like I was harbouring this unknown super human strength. It didn't. It was awful. It's humiliating, terrifying, and definitely made me feel like I was put in my place.

Being blunt, you'll relive this for a good chunk of time, longer than you'd like. You imagine yourself reacting and every scenario going. You'll think "what if?" But it doesn't change what happened. Speak to people, professionals if they're available, if not, good friends or total strangers, like us lot.

Talk to your manager about your experience. Risk assess the situation and plan strategies for managing this persons behaviour. Your manager should have done this prior to you working with this person and how you would mange heir behaviour

I'm so sorry to hear you went through this. However you just froze, it's really common and part of the involuntary physiological fight, flight, freeze response. You're not weak or feeble in any way.

Thank you for the job that you do, and I hope you're feeling better . Hopefully the scum will get what they deserve for this.

MamaBiker , can you say was this an A&E deparment otr a MH setting if you can?

I once witnessed a homeless man being kicked repeatedly in the face on the ground by a young man. To my eternal shame l froze and l was only feet away. His injuries were horrific and l and other passers by just stood by until one brave passer by pulled him off the poor man. All l could muster was shouting 'no, stop it, leave him alone' over and over but was too scared to step forward and grab him or hit him with my brolly or bag or whatever and maybe more would have joined in then. Took me a long time to forgive myself and to realise this man could've had a knife or started kicking seven bells out of me instead. So it was self preservation l suppose. You could ve come off worse as others have said if you retaliated x

I'm so angry at myself for being feeble and weak and allowing it to happen, can't stop thinking about the self defence training I've received and what I should have done.
I wish I could change the way you feel.

Self defence training only has a chance to work if you practice for several hours a week, and include sparring. And it only works in real life if you are of equal strength to your attacker
Your attacker has the advantage of surprise, and is fighting with no limits. At work, you are not allowed to respond with as much violence as they show, you have to show control and restraint.

@Justaboy

Yes, A&E. I work in a private side room, door closed, on the fringes of the unit.

For the, few people saying for me to push for him to be charged with assault, is that my decision? I want him to be prosecuted, don't understand why he might not be.

First of all I hope you get over this assault ASAP .Give yourself time and space to heal properly.Secondly it makes me really angry and sad when people do this kind of thing .You are doing your job to help people ,and are injured by some bloody idiot!.My own daughter was assaulted when out with her friend, and was pushed over onto the pavement, from standing height and badly injured her back!(still goes to Chiropractor several years later).Personally I think people who do this should have medical help withdrawn .

Back when I was a student I went to a few Tae Kwondo classes. Our teacher was a third Dan who'd competed at national level. One day he said"what do you think would happen if, out of the blue, someone in the street tried to punch me?". Various young men in the class said things like "you'd use such and such a block then such and such a counter punch..."

He said "no, I'd end up with a broken nose, just like you would. Because no normal person lives their whole life keyed up on a knife edge ready for danger at every turn."

Don't beat yourself up thinking you should have been able to use your self defence skills. But do allow yourself time and space to process what's happened, to have (another) good cry. Above all, talk to someone - your occupational health at work should be able to offer counselling. These things can really hit you hard and undermine your sense of self

You should definitely push for charges, it should be the assumption of management that this is the case, especially as you actually have visible injuries, and they should be supporting this.

Years ago I was attacked my a man who had previously attacked an a&e nurse and another paramedic but neither had pressed charges. He got a suspended sentence, had he previously been prosecuted he would likely have got a greater punishment. To be fair, I could easily have gone down the route of shrugging it off, but we had passed police dealing with something else just before arriving on scene, so told then what happened and they instantly took it very seriously. If i had left it too, who knows how many more times he would have attack (female, it was always female) NHS workers without anything being done about it.

In my experience the police where I am based have always taken these attacks seriously it is only our own NHS management, and the CPS who downplay them. As a paramedic we are now fortunate to have the "assualts against emergency workers act 2018" and the police where I am are keen to use it. We are also getting more support from our trust now to, and according to the v&a manager the rate of successful prosecution is very high, but it's been a long time coming.

Speak to your union rep today, get them on the case, they are there to support you and can deal with your management as you are already stressed and upset and shouldn't be taking it all on yourself.

www-bbc-co-uk.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-wales-46192539?amp_js_v=a2&amp_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQDoAEC#aoh=15606208888465&amp_ct=1560620901541&csi=1&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s

^ link to news item about new tougher sentencing for assault on emergency workers.

I really feel your anger and frustration. Hope you have someone decent to support you and tell you the patient was in the wrong. You are a decent person who didn't expect to be hurt.
I know it sounds naff, but do be kind to yourself...