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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So annoyed that I allowed myself to be assaulted at work

85 replies

MamaBiker · 14/06/2019 19:28

I'm in front line health care and today I was grabbed by the hair and punched by a patient. I'm so angry at myself for being feeble and weak and allowing it to happen, can't stop thinking about the self defence training I've received and what I should have done.

I should be angry at the patient but I'm more angry at myself. I've never been the victim of violence and always assumed I would be able to react assertively and control the situation but I was completely overwhelmed with fear

I know I am BU to be annoyed at myself but I just can't help it. I can't imagine experiencing violence as part of daily life it must be terrifying.

OP posts:

LuckyLou7 · 14/06/2019 19:58

I work in healthcare and have been assaulted by patients - it is devastating. I work in mental health and it's almost considered normal to go home with bruises and scratches. As long as you are RPI trained, all is well apparently.

Be kind to yourself. Take up the occy health counselling and take time off work until you feel ready to return.

BettysLeftTentacle · 14/06/2019 20:06

I’m an HCP and I’ve been very very lucky so far, in that I haven’t been physically assaulted.

This wasn’t your fault in the slightest. I’m glad your managers being good about this and support is in place. It’s such an awful thing to happen. Be kind to yourself

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/06/2019 20:06

Please don't blame yourself. Being able to react to violent situations appropriately instead of clamming up with fear isn't something a short self-defence course can facilitate. Unless you have had significant training that includes plenty of mock attack situations and those skills get used or refreshed frequently it is totally unreasonable to expect people to be able to react well to such a shocking encounter.

I'd guess you've had a short self-defence training course and then your workplace have basically washed their hands of the risk you are placed in daily? If so, that's totally unreasonable of them (though typical) and your anger should be directed at your assailant but also at them for not putting effective risk mitigation in place.

Be kind to yourself right now. Treat yourself well. In a few days looking for better ways to mitigate risk in the future is fine, but don't waste your energy now or then on thinking you could have prevented something you aren't experienced in dealing with.

Ginkypig · 14/06/2019 20:07

Iv just got home from spending 8 hours in a&e then the observation ward with my Dp (turns out he has kidney stones)

The first thing we said to each other afterwards was every single staff member has been brilliant. Kind friendly, professional. They all looked after him and by extension me so well and made the whole experience manageable and as comfortable as it could be.

Do not let this horrible man make you feel less than! You did nothing wrong and don't deserve to be angry at yourself.

i just want to say thankyou, to you and to every other person who does the tough job of looking after us when we are ill

Without wonderful people like you the scary times in our lives would be far far tougher so thankyou very much!

Don't let the bad fuckers make you feel like the rest of us don't absolutely appreciate everything you do for us. I'm very sorry this man assaulted you. You didn't deserve that.

CloserIAm2Fine · 14/06/2019 20:12

With utmost kindness, YABVVVVU

Of course it’s not your fault!

Try and treat yourself the way you’d treat a colleague in the same situation. I bet you wouldn’t be saying they were weak and should’ve acted differently! You’d be kind and supportive, and you deserve that kindness as well

Sparklesocks · 14/06/2019 20:12

It’s not your fault at all, even with copious amounts of training and policies for these things you can’t really prepare for how you’ll react in the moment. Our body reacts to danger instinctively and sometimes we have no control over it.

I’m sorry this happened to you

Playmytune · 14/06/2019 20:22

It was a horrible thing to happen op, so sorry for you. I also worked on the frontline and have been attacked more than once. The first time was a shock. I was grabbed by quite a strong patient, but I was lucky that instinct kicked in and I managed to break free.

Unfortunately in my workplace, which was a small community hospital, there wasn’t a lot of support and this type of behaviour was just classed as part of the patient’s illness!! Management were happy to take these patients in, as they liked it to be known we were “able to cope with anything!!” Unfortunately management didn’t work nights or weekends and staff just had to get on with things the best they could!! Then they wondered why staff moved on as soon as they could!

Hope you manage to process this and get the support you need! Perhaps some extra “aggresion and violence” training might also be beneficial!

Original poster

MamaBiker · 14/06/2019 20:24

Thanks everyone and especially @Ginkypig, you and your DP are why I love working for the NHS.

It's incredibly rewarding being able to support people through some if the darkest moments of their lives. I'll be fine I'm sure, just so taken aback by the depth to which this has affected me and the very mixed emotions I have.

Good cry was very cathartic

OP posts:

livinglavidavillanelle · 14/06/2019 20:25

I am NHS also. Always thought myself pretty street smart, and reactive. In day to day life, nobody pushes me around, I am no victim.

At least until the day that a stranger attacked me from behind in broad daylight on a quiet railway bridge. I bloody froze. Well, at least for a good few mintues. Until my adrenaline kicked in and I chased after him. The point being, we can never anticipate how we will react in those situations, and shock does very strange things to us all...please don't berate yourself, a lot of us have been there. I'm sorry this happened to you, but please remember that it wasn't your fault.

Allhailthesun · 14/06/2019 20:25

Grim. Poor you.
Its self defence not being a ninja.
Unless you use your traing regularly it’s incredibly difficult to put it into practice and still think remember your professional role.
Sorry it happened and just don’t dwell on it. Not the first and won’t be the last person who responded like you did.

Sparklybanana · 14/06/2019 20:26

You have to train pretty hard to be able to react to something you're not expecting. If you're not used to being attacked then your mind is too busy thinking aaaaahhhh and your body is flustered with adrenaline to be able to kick butt. Plus, it's a whole different ball game hitting someone, especially as a medical professional who is trained to help rather than injure. Your reactions were not surprising so don't beat yourself up more. I bet if someone hurt themselves in front of you then your reflex would be to spring into action and help.

SD1978 · 14/06/2019 20:28

Also frontline medical- and assaulted numerous times. I've never blamed myself, the 'training' once a year is lip service, not practice and not useable without some kind of regular training or use. Don't blame yourself for not seeing it- people are unpredictable and sometimes you don't pick up the cues- either because they aren't there or they are subtle. Hope you are ok, but being angry at yourself is t necessarily. Be angry at the training which is inadequate and yet is supposed to help you if anything.

ChikiTIKI · 14/06/2019 20:28

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please don't blame yourself. Imagine if you had a friend in this situation, what would you say to them? I'm sure you would say, of course it's not your fault. Be kind to yourself. Hope you feel better soon xxxx

samyeagar · 14/06/2019 20:31

It's got to be tough being faced with a situation that you know you have the tools to deal with but for what ever reason things go wrong.

Easier said than done, but try and not second guess your abilities and training, and don't let yourself convince yourself that you somehow are a failure, because you are not. Try and do what ever you can to keep and build your confidence because if you are ever faced with a situation like this again, you don't want this time to dictate the outcome next time.

Cyw2018 · 14/06/2019 20:32

Sending hugs...

I was assaulted at work a few weeks ago, it sucks.

Do you have a violence and aggression manager in your trust who can support and guide you through the process of police statement, victim impact statement and, if it comes to it, court. If there isn't a v&a manager your union should be able to offer similar support.

Also, have you put an incident report form in yet? This is important for getting your assult officially recognised up the chain of management, acted on, in terms of your attacker being flagged as a risk to you and other staff and for data collection/statistics of the shit we put up with!!

Pacificallythespecific · 14/06/2019 20:34

We had a patient in a few weeks ago who already had TWO convictions for assaulting healthcare workers. Surprise surprise as soon as the police left he kicked off and assaulted two members of staff.

It’s disgusting. You can’t ban them from healthcare but I don’t know what the solution is

Serin · 14/06/2019 20:39

You are absolutely not at fault OP. The very fact that he has been arrested says it all.
Try to remember how many times over the last week/month/year patients have said "Thanks" to you and been really grateful for your help. You are so very valuable to our NHS and to your community.
Do you have cake in??

KittyKK · 14/06/2019 20:40

OP - I’m so sorry you were attacked. You should absolutely push for him to be charged with assault, no excuses. Hope you have a restful weekend 💐

Serin · 14/06/2019 20:42

Pacifically.......ahh but I think you can ban them!! There are several patients banned from our premises for past violence. I imagine they find it difficult to find care elsewhere too once they have a flag on their records.

Beautiful3 · 14/06/2019 20:45

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Have a good cry and let it all out and have a hot bath. Once I was assaulted and I froze with fear. I was so angry with myself for not hitting him or at least pushing him away. I froze then ran away! Now I know better, to shout out and hit back. Please be kind to yourself.

Pacificallythespecific · 14/06/2019 20:46

The police brought him in as a “head trauma” - he was just pissed. I think an emergency bypasses a ban!

HidingFromDD · 14/06/2019 20:47

Big hugs. DD1 worked as HCA in mental health and I spent hours worrying that this would happen to her. It's absolutely not your fault, and my personal thanks for you and everyone else in the profession for continuing in the face of these risks (caveat - I think management support and recognition of these risks is appalling and much more effort needs to be put in to protecting people working in these environments)

KitKat1985 · 14/06/2019 20:52

It's normal to feel like this. I work in an acute mental health ward and sadly have been physically assaulted numerous times. I can usually brush it off now (which probably isn't a good thing) but the first few times really shook me up.

sakura06 · 14/06/2019 20:53

It is not your fault. Most people would absolutely have reacted the same. Be kind to yourself.

SuperSara · 14/06/2019 21:02

I am so sorry that you were hurt, OP.

Please don't forget that the vast majority of us think you're amazing and are very appreciative of your care and compassion.

I was reminded of how brilliant healthcare, and other frontline, staff are when my dad suffered a serious injury in a DIY accident/fall late last year and ended up in intensive care.

He was cared so brilliantly by so many people that it brought me - and him! - to tears. We were so, so grateful for the compassion and unending efforts to ensure he pulled through.

Thank you

I'm crying again thinking about how kind people were

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