To contact HV about toddlers behaviour

[Mammylamb]

Don’t know if I’ll get judged or seen as a problem family.

DS was a happy baby (very easy) but is a more difficult toddler.

He is 3.5, but the last few weeks have been so difficult. He has been throwing more tantrums than normal, wants to be cuddled into me all the time, and also has been hitting a lot.

I work four days a week and am off on a Friday. It’s a Friday when we tend to get the worst behaviour; I cannot get him dressed and out the door for all the kicking and screaming; the neighbours must think I’m battering him (I’m not)

My friends have suggested mentioning it to the HV, but I’m nervous to do so, in case it puts a black mark against our family

The role of the HV is to support families. Yes as part of their role safeguard so they will look out for anything concerning but a parent looking for support with challenging behaviour from a toddler is the opposite of concerning.

Btw I found the book how to talk so little children listen really helpful.

Normal behaviour for a 3.5 year old. Don't worry. The book suggested above is good

Has anything changed in his life recently?

Who has him on the days you work?

You are being punished for being away at work. Mine are really difficult after i've been at work.

Bum, nothing has changed. Only thing I can think of is that DH and I were away overnight at a wedding.

Former: dh has him Monday, gps on Tuesday, nursery on wed and Thursdays. This has been the pattern since he was 1 year old

Does he behave better for them? Sometimes they behave well for other people and then have tantrums when they're with their mum's!

For GPs and nursery he is apparently well behaved. He can be a bit difficult for DH. But Fridays with me are the worst. He wants to stay home all day (we stopped going to toddler science class because of the struggle to get him there). He also has tantrums at soccer tots when he goes there with DH.

We tried banning screen time but it’s made no difference (not as a punishment; we told him it was broken)

Every child is different but perhaps he's over-scheduled?
Friday is usually a tough day for most kids because it's the end of a long, tiring week.
Are his days quite activity-packed with DH and GPs?

My kids all had LeapPads at this age. I'd consider getting one of these instead of a typical screen.

By screentime I mean tv. He doesn’t have access to tablets/ phones/ pc/laptop except on a handful of occasions

I recently called the HV about my toddlers behaviors and I do thought about it for weeks, while massively suffering as I was worried I'd be out on a watch list for struggling to cope with it

When I called HV she was so so helpful. Suggested a book called the Incredible Years which is about parenting a different way which apparently is good ( my mum is a nursery teacher and did the course based on this and thought it was brilliant)

She said she would call me in a Few weeks to see how I was getting on and do a home visit so we could talk face to face. That was two months ago and I've heard nothing, so I'm defo not on a list. They obviously can't have been that concerned if they've completely forgotten about me

But yeah, possibly overscheduled!

Sounds like he might just want some one on one time with you at home on Fridays. It I were you I'd cancel his activities he has on a Friday and just have some time chilling with him at home or playing. Don't we all like some down time at home after a busy week ? It sounds like he's overwhelmed and needs some quiet time at home with you. I don't think banning screen time will help at this age. In fact I think you both sitting watching his favourite programme together cuddled up on the sofa in his pjs could be just what he needs ! Sounds like he just wants you xx

Absolutely no problem with the HV helping you out.

The only thing I would say is we have similar towards the end of the week- we work 5 days so Saturday is crazy day for us. I think tiredness has a lot to do with it

Maybe after three days at his gps (presumably) and at nursery, he just needs a day in his own home? I would let him stay in pjs tbh and stay home. I know it's frustrating for you, but unless you need to go out, don't bother. He's not missing out by any means.

Actually I think if I were you I'd stay in my pyjamas too.

Warning, an old fart speaks: one day he'll be a grumpy teenager and then he'll leave home and forget how a phone works. You won't regret the Fridays when he was three and all he wanted to do was stay home and cuddle and play.

Day with DH seems to be more laid back; but they seem to get a lot of errands done ! And sometimes pop into DHs work to say hi to his colleagues.
Day with GP I think involves a lot of activities; he is the only grandchild who lives locally and we’ve waited a long time for him, so he is really a bit spoiled for being taken places. His GPs take him lots of activities

I just saw the words 3.5 and had to post.

My first two boys were HORRIFIC when they turned three.

Spawn of Satan himself.
Tantruming little sanity thrives that were awful to live with.

It got better.
They are lovely now.

I have another son and I've no doubt we'll
go through the same phase.

3 is the worst age.

That said, it's immensely frustrating when they spin off into a tantrum for the daftest of reasons, I don't mean to minimise that at all. But if you see Fridays as a day to relax at home, it might be that the tantrums ease off too.

Hv can be really supportive. Despite his routine being the same since 1, toddlers do change in their emotions i.e. Separation etc. The fact that he's clinging to you and wants to stay home suggests he needs reassurance that he's staying put with you.
It's also possibly the usual tantrums, then he quickly feels bad and needs reassurance from you.
If my 3.5 yr old gets in a tizzy, I make a point of staying incredibly calm, sitting on the floor close to him and ask him if he needs my help really gently. He always responds to this thankfully.
All kids are different though.

Also (sorry, I'll stop after this) yeah - the threenager. Just when you thought it was safe to go to the shops without your toddler making you look like an abusive parent by having a massive tantrum in the biscuit aisle and yelling BUT I NEVER HAVE BISCUITS EVER YOU JUST SMACK ME or some other such delight. Don't ask me how I know that. I can't relive it. Both accusations were total lies btw, before I'm accused of being a biscuit withholding smacker.

Defo contact the HV! I bet they’ll think you are a great mum. There’s no way you would be put on a list for asking for parenting advice. That’s what they are there for. Ours is really nice and helpful. Not judgemental at all.

Btw he sounds normal to me too and I’d second the staying at home in pjs on Fridays advice.

Fromage!

I'd just spend Fridays sitting together watching Netflix!

Lovebombing could help a lot OP. He's feeling angry and insecure and it's the only way he can express it.

This is quite timely for me as my delight of a 2 year old has become very difficult at 3. She won’t listen and is stroppy and thinks she knows best. It is driving me and my husband mad. Every day feels like we’re telling her off all the time. She’s just pushing so many boundaries and being a total shit. It’s frustrsting because she can do better, she just doesn’t want to.