When is a reasonable amount of time for new DP to meet toddler?

[user71767]

Do you think there's a set time limit before it should happen?
Is it more dependent on circumstances rather than a time limit?
What's your opinion?

Should probably say *a reasonable amount of time BEFORE new DP meets toddler but my brain isn't screwed on today!

Take him for icecream in the park and meet DP there. I don't see an issue introducing a toddler to a new friend whenever, just like you would any new female friend.

It's when they're much older or you're much more serious that you should worry about serious introductions.

As long as possible.

It's you in the new relationship, not your child. There is no reason to have your toddler go for ice cream with your new man. That's absurd.

Couple of years minimum

@justanswerthephone so you wouldn't just meet your friend at the park for icecream and take your kid with you and have a nice few hours feeding the ducks, all together? That is pathetic. It's a toddler, not a 4yr old.

Also, how someone interacted with my children would help me determine where a relationship was going.

Several months at least.

so you wouldn't just meet your friend at the park for icecream and take your kid with you and have a nice few hours feeding the ducks, all together? That is pathetic. It's a toddler, not a 4yr old.

I never said it was pathetic.

Also, how someone interacted with my children would help me determine where a relationship was going.

I prefer the more grown up method of not using children as relationship testers.

For me it would be when I was seriously thinking about a future together, maybe a couple of years min.
He's your bf and nothing to do with your toddler.

Sorry I misread. It's not pathetic to build a new relationship between you and the new person WITHOUT involving children. It's rather normal tbh.

6 months probably.
2 years seems a bit extreme.

Two years is slightly extreme.

I waited six months to introduce DC to my DP. We were casual about it to begin with and just had days out with him. He only started staying over when they were in the house after a year, we bought a house and moved in together after four years. DC have a great relationship with him.

You should wait until you’re certain it will last.

I have to agree with WhiteRedRose - meeting up for a fun day out, without introducing as a partner or any pdas is fine.
My single mother friend with a toddler went to a farmyard with my partner, without me. The toddler had never met him before. Was perfectly fine. This would be the same.
When children are older, then its a bit more different.

Not too soon that toddler gets attached before you know it's a long term relationship, not so long that if you discover that his attitude towards your child, his views on discipline is not what you want for your child, you can break it up without too much pain, certainly before you are too much in love to close your eyes to it and decide to stay together.

If you have a toddler @justanswerthephone it's really not. As that person could be part of their life too. Or do you propose parts of your life is supposed to stay separate and on hold until a few years later? If you have kids then they are part of your life, they are not all of it, but part of it, that is important.

Maybe we're both assuming different meanings behind 'DP' but I wouldn't be talking about a new casual 'boyfriend' I'd been seeing for a few weeks.

swingofthings has it spot on.

I was with DH for 8 months before I met his DS, who was 3. I had met his for the very first time when he was 2 and I bumped into them in town one day and we went for a coffee. Him meeting me the first time meant nothing to the kid, but when we met more "formally" after 8 months, he very quickly built an attachment to me. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with that earlier in in the relationship because it puts a lot of pressure on and it isn't fair on the child.

Exactly @Nesssie it's no different than meeting up with other friends or new parent friends if its just gradual casual meet-ups and fun days out with no pda.

Or do you propose parts of your life is supposed to stay separate and on hold until a few years later?

Separate yes. On hold no.

If you have kids then they are part of your life, they are not all of it, but part of it, that is important.

Yes they are part of your life. Not part of new partners life.

I would say a few months. Once you were sure it was going to be long term.

I agree with a PP that how they were with my DS would be a factor, if they were good with DS then I don't see how I could be in a relationship with them. So waiting 2 years is a bit too long imo.

*if the weren't good. Dammit!

Not a problem to have an occasional meeting like you might with any friend. Problem comes when child gets used to partner as part of their everyday life, and then suddenly they're not there any more.

About 6 months for us.
For 2 reasons, we both decided that the relationship wasn't just a fling and was going somewhere. My daughter is obviously a huge part of my life and you can't know if long term is going to work if you exclude a huge part of your life from your relationship.
The second thing was she asked to meet him. She was almost 6 at the time so had a good understanding.

By two years we were living together.

I was very aware of doing anything too soon so I made sure I took steer from all parties involved. I spoke about DP to DD and vice versa a lot before they met.
I have also made sure that their relationship is theirs to nurture and don't get overly involved/pick sides when either they have quality time or they are arguing.

My Dsis introduced her DC (aged 6-7) to new partner after a year of dating him. I think that was perfect actually; they both knew at that point where the relationship was going, and they didnt do sleepovers etc until 6 months later (may have been even longer, can’t remember). By the time they moved in together, DN was very comfortable with new partner, as was Dsis’s ex, who had met new partner a number of times at that point. It was all done so well - I really admire how they all handled it, and when DN was recently married, her father and her step father were both equally involved. So civilised.

My BF introduced her new man to her DC (11&13) after a month.

It’s not going well...

People do say "DP" when they mean a few weeks and a few shags though!

Best to keep everything separate unless "DP" is wanting to actually become a blended family. Why the rush? Enjoy the relationship as is.

wineandroses1 A 6-7 year old is very different to a toddler, I would definitely wait longer for an older child as they are much more aware of what is going on.

However it must be hard to be dating someone for a year and not be able to sleepover.