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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect some notice?

33 replies

EnglishRose1320 · 14/06/2019 13:19

I know I probably am being unreasonable but need to vent none the less.
My neighbour sold her house a while ago, we chat ever time we see each other, she's dropped a few things round she thought might be useful whilst she's clearing out so am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that she didn't tell me she was moving today and the new people are moving in later.
As to not drip feed, my son has autism and is quite unwell at the moment and is home all day. She is an ex senco and has always seemed to understand so I feel surprised she didn't think this was something I needed to prepare him for.

It's absolutely not her fault that the timing is dreadful for our family but I would have arranged and managed this weekend completely differently if I had known.

Sorry I think it was just the final thing in a week of a lot of unexpected things going wrong and the idea that my son is going to scream/hit/hurt himself again is filling me with dread and frustrating me because it could have been minimised had I known.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 14/06/2019 13:21

I think YABU moving house is stressful and she'll have a lot to organise, you must have known she was moving soon so you could've been preparing for a while

Faster · 14/06/2019 13:22

YABU but I can understand why. It’s hard.

Crazycrazylady · 14/06/2019 13:23

I'm sorry but I think you are being harsh here, You were aware that she sold her house and she was clearing out her things so you must have assumed was imminent.

I'm sure she is stressed out to her eyeballs and telling her neighbours her exact date of move probably wasn't high on her priority list.

I'm sorry your son will be affected by this though, That is crap.

AnneKipanki · 14/06/2019 13:25

YABU.
Moving house is stressful , and she may have had it in a mental to do list but forgot. Sometimes that happens .
Hope you and your son are fine though and your new neighbours are as understanding .

user1483387154 · 14/06/2019 13:25

yabu .

FrancisCrawford · 14/06/2019 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darkstar4855 · 14/06/2019 13:27

YABU. You knew she was moving so it was up to you to talk to her about your son’s needs and ask for notice of her move, rather than just assume she would know what you needed. I hope your son is ok though.

Kintan · 14/06/2019 13:28

How will what’s happening next door affect your son? Is it the moving noises or the presence of removal vans? Can you take him out for a bit until the bulk of the moving is done?

tuxedocatsintophats · 14/06/2019 13:30

Sorry, but YABU.

Hollowvictory · 14/06/2019 13:31

?????

RiftGibbon · 14/06/2019 13:36

If your son is anything like my friend, then knowing change is happening is extremely important. If someone was moving from next door, my friend would find it far more helpful to know an exact date, rather than "next week'. In the same way that if I phone and the line is busy, I leave a message to say I rang, and when I will phone back. "Later" isn't sufficient; "Between 6 and 7" is easier to understand.

Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 14/06/2019 13:48

Thanks for all the responses, as I said I knew I was being a bit unreasonable, just wanted to vent. Obviously wouldn't say anything to her.

To those that asked questions

No she hasn't said the date and I've forgotten, I've asked her a few times in the last month how's it all going/any news/dates etc and she hasn't said.

Yes moving is stressful hence not saying anything to her.

I guessed I just assumed because we always let each other know dates for things like walls being painted/fences being changed etc that she would for this as well

I have tried to prepare my son but his anxiety builds if you prepare him for something vague with no set date/times etc so haven't been able to do much.

Can't take him out because he is not well enough. He isn't coping with the van blocking our drive/ the people crunching up and down our gravel/not knowing when the new people will be here/ all the extra volume and activity in the street.

I know I just have to ride it out but I was already completely done in from this week and it means finding extra reserves that I just don't think I have.

OP posts:
Waterfallgirl · 14/06/2019 13:59

OP I think you are maybe expecting a bit too much from her with all the stress of moving, but I also see that’s given you a real problem too. I’m sure she wasn’t thoughtless on purpose - just by accident. Could you and your DS just draw the curtains and watch a film or box set together to block out the noise and disruption? Treat yourself to something nice to eat or drink? I’m sorry if that’s not the right thing to help your DS I’m just trying to think of the next best option to going out. Flowers

AguerosAngel · 14/06/2019 14:01

YABU. She’s probably had 10000001 other things on her mind. I get that things are hard for you but you and your family are not the centre of the universe.

Sorry.

codemonkey · 14/06/2019 14:01

Is this actually about general anxiety about the new neighbours? Change is difficult, particularly when your child has additional needs.

Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 14/06/2019 14:20

AguerousAngel, I've already acknowledged I was being a bit unreasonable and I am really fucking sure me and my family aren't the centre of the universe, far from it actually, as a parent carer I'm pretty use to being shoved to the bottom of the pile and ignored. Read my update, read my original post and you can see that I am more frustrated with it than actually pissed off. As I said I just needed to vent, I really hope you never have to deal with the amount of stress that I have had to deal with this week, which by the way moving house is a walk in the park compared to it and I've had to move house with an autistic child just days before my partner had to fly out for work again. I even managed to give my neighbours a heads up of the date we were moving as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 14/06/2019 14:23

Waterfall girl- thanks I've gone for letting him have some screen time (which he doesn't normally get in the day) up in his room which is the furthest from the noise.

Just having to decide whether I cancel a night away (my first in so so long) because he may not cope with just his dad tonight.

OP posts:
AnneKipanki · 14/06/2019 16:26

Maybe write some stuff on the sweary thread...let it out .
Sorry , we all feel for you.

AyBeeCee10 · 14/06/2019 16:40

Yabu but you know that. I honestly think you need an attitude adjustment and I dont mean this harshly. If you think people are going to revolve things around your situation then you are going to go through life very disappointed and frustrated. She actually owed you nothing. But you felt entitled enough to get angry. Theres going to be alot of situations where people are just going to go about their lives and you will feel slighted. It would be nice if she told you, but that would be highly unlikely. Sorry you are going through a hard time.

Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 14/06/2019 16:51

AyBeeCee- yes from one thread on a forum you can tell I need an attitude adjustment.
I just wanted to vent. I realise Aibu was the wrong platform and I have asked this thread to be removed because I don't want to hear anyone else having a go when I was literally just trying to find a way to vent, I'm stuck at home 24/7 with a child that is too ill to engage with me, I just needed to get what I was feeling off my chest.
I really don't expect the world to adapt completely for my situation but actually I do expect some changes, some accomodations. Being disabled isn't fun and my son deserves to feel safe and calm in his own home.
I make changes regularly to accommodate people with additional needs be it on the train for a stranger or on this street for other residents.

OP posts:
Antigon · 14/06/2019 16:54

My neighbour sold her house a while ago, we chat ever time we see each other, she's dropped a few things round she thought might be useful whilst she's clearing out so am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that she didn't tell me she was moving today and the new people are moving in later.

It's very bizarre that she is on friendly enough terms with you to let you have a few things that might be useful for you but didn't mention that today was moving day Confused

I can see why you are disgruntled. Yes she had no obligation to tell you. Did she say goodbye?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 14/06/2019 17:01

What would knowing the date have actually done? He’d still be upset by all those things happening, but with the added stress of knowing it’s coming. Sometimes a bit of unpredictability is a good thing and can build up resilience in children.

Original poster
EnglishRose1320 · 14/06/2019 17:31

Antigon- yes she said good bye, wished me luck for a course I'm starting. That's what baffles me, she lets me know if the window cleaner is coming!

Georgie- yeah that's not how my son works.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 14/06/2019 17:47

I'd never expect a neighbour to tell me stuff like this.

I'd use my eyes to see when they were moving out or that their car had gone.

If she said 'goodbye' you must have worked out it was imminent.

Witchend · 14/06/2019 17:56

When we moved this was the time line:

We expected to complete on Wednesday and move the following Wednesday. Very small chain: 1 repossessed house, us, 1 first time buyer. Should be simple.

Bank owning repossessed house, refused to answer emails or phone calls from our estate agent/solicitors from Wednesday through to Monday.
On Monday it looked like all would fall through, but our packers offered to start packing for free if it fell through.
Tuesday afternoon, our lovely estate agents went in all guns blazing (I believe they threatened to travel to head office to speak face to face) all morning worked and they signed.
Wednesday morning we moved.

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