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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have found this rude?!

92 replies

willynillypie · 14/06/2019 10:05

I am a SAHM with a baby. I was ja king small talk with my neighbour this morning whilst taking my baby for a walk. She has already made a few snippy comments about my “perfect life”. She was moaning about work so I said “yay it’s the weekend though” and she looked at me and said, in the bitchiest voice “well every day is a weekend for you.”

Not sure if I’m being sensitive or if this is rude.

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 14/06/2019 10:43

People say things like that to me as i took early retirement a few years back. Not even any small children to care for. I just grin and say it is bloody excellent then move on. If they are jealous it is their issue not mine.

Jaxhog · 14/06/2019 10:45

It's rude. I would just roll my eyes, sigh and either change the subject or leave. Some people have very big chips on their shoulders. Only they can shift them.

transformandriseup · 14/06/2019 10:48

It’s very rude, I hope no one would say that to someone who is retired or who can’t work because of a disability.

@HollowTalk
“It's more like every day is a weekday with a young baby!”

Agreed. I’m on maternity leave right now.

Rory4Leader · 14/06/2019 10:48

She's rude. Don't give her any more thought.

Being at home with a baby is a million times harder than being out "at work".

Lipz · 14/06/2019 10:52

I use to get this alot and it would really upset me but one day after a particular woman who would pass comment every day was the final straw for me and I just turned around and said "oh it is such a great life, I'm off now to get a cream cake, going to bring it home and put my feet up with coffee and I might even fit in a little nap too , that's the beauty of not living by clock, you can take it easy and not be stressed rushing around". She never commented again.

Another one who always made awful comments about me being lazy and a sponger off my husband, I said to her "I'm so lucky that dh earns so much money that I don't have to work and still have a glamorous lifestyle"....

all these things were untrue, in fact what they didn't really know was I was bringing one child with mild special needs to school and I had spent 20 minutes prising his fingers from the door frame as he hated school, then trying to get him up the road and stop him from trying to run away while also having gotten a severely disabled child ready, fed, medicated, dealt with seizures that morning and would have been heading after the school drop off, to one of our many hospital appointments that took 2 buses and trying to manage a wheelchair etc but people wouldn't see or understand this, they just seen me having a great life with nothing to do.

Funny thing was, many years later one of those women said she used to be envious of me, she said I always looked relaxed, well dressed, make up on, organised and not a care in the world and she hated that she was off to work and would have to finish getting ready in the car.

No one knows what people are going through, many make assumptions, it's always going to be like that. So now still ! , when people make useless comments about my life I just smile and nod in agreement and remind myself that they only pass negative comments because they are unhappy with something in their own life, otherwise If they were content, they wouldn't make those comments and get on with their day.

Dvg · 14/06/2019 10:55

My baby is so hard that sometimes i wish i could go to work and just deal with the weekends XD

Having been both a working mum and Stahm i would say my working life was a lot easier, i now only work a few hours a week but i cherish the moments i get to leave my house without a changing bag and pram/carseat as much as i love my baby :D

DishingOutDone · 14/06/2019 10:57

I would have said "yes aren't I lucky"! Its great that she's jealous of you, and I am very glad she can't have a coffee. Silly cow. I know how hard it is, anyone with an ounce of sense does, but at least you have your lovely baby. And a coffee. And she is a misery. Win win.

Antigon · 14/06/2019 10:59

I would tell her the party is cancelled. It would ruin the party to see her sulky face there.

She doesn’t need to know it’s been reinstated.

MazDazzle · 14/06/2019 11:00

She’s projecting and is being a bitch. Don’t let it get you down.

I’d be tempted to tell her you’re going to put your feet up and enjoy a mid afternoon cocktail before your massage!

Namelessinseattle · 14/06/2019 11:03

She’s doing it to snipe at you. I’d be so happy and say “I know- I’m blessed I love my life, I do miss that Friday feeling but I don’t miss the Sunday doom feeling hahahahah”

MashedSpud · 14/06/2019 11:05

I’d have said “Yeah, sucks to be you. Oh well not to worry I’m sure you’ll enjoy life eventually.”

Poppi89 · 14/06/2019 11:11

Completely agree with @Lipz
This is definitely jealousy. I am a single parent and work but I always get bitchy comments off another mum (who isn't a single parent and works a lot less hours than me) about how nice it must be for me to sit around watching daytime tv all day etc. so I just say yeah I can't wait I hope it's a good episode of Jeremy Kyle today etc. I think she says things sometimes just to be nosey thinking I am going to tell her a step by step of my day. I have also heard her being bitchy about a mum who works long hours and it isn't fair on the kids etc. so you can't win, she is basically just a very jealous, unhappy women which sounds similar to your neighbour. I would just ignore and remember how miserable she must be to make comments like that to your face. For her to say things like that to you she obviously wants you to feel like crap so I wouldn't let her know it's getting to you. Maybe you and your DH have a better relationship than hers which is making her jealous.

Sundancer77 · 14/06/2019 11:12

So rude, home with a 10 month old here, finally getting her to nap (teach part time tho) my lessons are my peace and quiet time..! I may be able to get a second to think at that time

Poppi89 · 14/06/2019 11:12

Love what the PPs have just said I would definitely say one of them!!

SemperIdem · 14/06/2019 11:15

She was rude.

Honestly, I have thought the exact same thing in darker moments when talking to SAHM’s as I work full time, unforgiving hours. I’ve never said it aloud because I know full well it stems from me being jealous and it is my problem, not theirs.

Lweji · 14/06/2019 11:18

Maybe she is unhappy with her life for some reason, one that may not be apparent to you.
Or she's just jealous.

Maybe she is comparing your life with hers when she had a child.
Ask her about when she had her baby, learn a bit more about her. It may well be that your life is perfect compared to hers.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 14/06/2019 11:19

I would just develop a thousand yard stare when she starts up and when she has finished give a ‘back in the room’ shake of the head and say “Sorry I tend zone out when people get onto tired old trope of lazy sahm”

Then again I am quite sarcastic.

willynillypie · 14/06/2019 11:19

Antigon

Sadly it’s in our garden and she’s our neighbour so would see! Damn!

Some of these replies are just fabulous. Definitely going to use next time (there will be one!). Tempted to hang out on the driveway when she comes home

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/06/2019 11:20

Tempted to hang out on the driveway when she comes home

That's not a perfect life, then. It's a sad one.

Just let it go. Who cares what she thinks or says about your life?

RosaWaiting · 14/06/2019 11:21

I would say "what's your problem" or "what's up with you".

Antigon · 14/06/2019 11:31

I am tempted to say who cares if she sees because she's so bitchy but I guess you want to maintain neighbourly relations! I wouldn't invite her to anything else though.

DesireInTheLine · 14/06/2019 11:32

I’m in a no nonsense mood today:

Don’t speak to the bitch again.

Sorted.

willynillypie · 14/06/2019 11:33

lweji

I didn’t say it was perfect! But equally I was being tongue in cheek and you are being unpleasant

OP posts:
megrichardson · 14/06/2019 11:33

I do sympathise, OP and yes she was rude. I was a SAHM for 15 years and the only thing I would say if you don't mind my mentioning it, is that being alone so much with baby, sometimes your world shrinks a little and you can assign too much importance to daft people, like neighbours, because one has fewer interactions while at home. I personally would avoid talking to the neighbour again and aim to catch up with friends, or make some new ones who are also home in the day.

drogon1 · 14/06/2019 11:35

YANBU.

I'm currently on maternity leave and I live for the weekends when DP is home (or I can go out for a few and leave the baby with him). As much as I enjoy and love my dd, being home alone with the baby all week can be hard and lonely without judgemental old bats making flippant remarks. Next time tell her to mind her own business and eff off!