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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are not scared of death - what is your reason?

292 replies

Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 09:38

For me, I am petrified of the idea. I wouldn't say it consumes me but if I do think about it, a wave of panic goes through me.

Do you think it is like birth - you don't know about it?

I had a dream last night that I was in a car accident and it felt like I could feel the life drawing out of me.

I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having any thoughts and just being nothing.

I would like to become more at peace with the though of dying, after all no one is getting out of here alive!

Tell me about your thoughts on death?

OP posts:
lessthanBeau · 14/06/2019 15:31

I'm not afraid, if theres nothing then that's it, if theres something else, hopefully I'll see my beloved brother again. No one wants a painful death or to linger for years with dementia. I worry more about reincarnation, what if I get a really horrendous life, as this one has been pretty much plain sailing Grin

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/06/2019 15:48

I don't fear death. Used to when I was a child, but I think all children do.

I was scared when I had cancer that I may die and leave my children as they were very young. I'm many years clear now and my youngest goes in to year 11 in September so I'm not so worried, I know they would cope.

SoundofSilence · 14/06/2019 15:49

I'm not scared of dying. I'm mostly motivated to stay by duty to my children. To die before my time would hurt them so much. For myself, I don't think life is so great that I can't bear the though of it being over. It just feels like an endless treadmill with poverty and dependency to look forward to at the end.

nrpmum · 14/06/2019 15:54

I nearly died last year from meningitis and it was at that point that I accepted it was inevitable, and therefore nothing to fear.

RedSheep73 · 14/06/2019 16:01

It'll be like being under general anaesthetic, I think. Everything just stops and you know nothing about it. The actual being dead part doesn't really frighten me, it's the dying too soon that worries me. If I get to be an old lady and I'm ready to go, I'll be ok.

Figgygal · 14/06/2019 16:04

Just reading this is making me anxious the idea of oblivion is terrifying to me but I suppose it's because I just can't contemplate it too much to

I know you won't know anything about it like going to sleep you only know you've done it once you woken up again and Are conscious

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/06/2019 16:10

I don't fear it because I will be reunited with my DH. I do fear the next 40 or so years without him.

Butchyrestingface · 14/06/2019 16:10

It'll be like being under general anaesthetic, I think.

I think of it that way too. And whenever I have GA, I quieten any nerves by thinking, ”if I die, this must be one of the pleasanter ways to go...”.

HariboLectar · 14/06/2019 16:21

Dying doesn't bother me in the slightest - I don't like the thought of having a long drawn out, painful death though.

Being left behind (e.g. DH dying) now that scares me.

itshappened · 14/06/2019 16:27

I recommend Katheryn mannix's book about dying... 'with the end in mind'. it has been a huge comfort to me and helped me come to terms with the dying process after watching relatives die of cancer. My worst nightmare now is dying before my children are of an age to remember me. I am desperate to be a part of their lives for as long as possible, so that they will be able to move on with their lives relatively unscathed by my death. I hope to see them become happy fulfilled adults with their own children. Then any additional years after that would be a bonus. I love life, and it's the thought of not living that bothers me, more than the process of dying.

Hobbesmanc · 14/06/2019 16:31

I work in complex care and whilst the majority of our clients have some amazing quality of life, there have been individuals for whom death would be a blessing. I don't fear death. I just fear the lack of control over my own death. I'm a huge advocate for voluntary euthanasia. And whist I don't have any traditional faith as in clouds and harps, they say that energy never dies and I hold onto that

Hecateh · 14/06/2019 16:34

Not remotely scared of being dead.

Dying is a bit more of an issue - the thought of my body being forced to go on 'living' when I am either physically dependant on others through old age or no longer myself mentally. I'm 64 now. If possible - if these things are happening slowly rather than suddenly I hope I will be able to do something about it.
My life is ok, not brilliant just meh! - if it wasn't for my 2 adult children then I don't think I'd bother to be here now. I wouldn't do it to them at a stage when my health is good and I am independent. They both no how I feel about becoming dependent and will would understand at that stage.

Bluebluered · 14/06/2019 16:37

I’m not scared of death. I wont have to worry about work, money problems, paying bills. I’m a selfish kind of person so it will be a relief. Saying that, I don’t want to die until my children are all financially, emotionally and mentally secure in life with good jobs, and a family of their own. I’d like to die and leave them to it after that.

steppemum · 14/06/2019 16:49

I am not afraid of dying

I was brought up in a family where death was always seen as the last great adventure. That went hand in hand with a belief that it isn't the end.
My family are not religious in any way, but hold an open mind about the nature of life the universe and everything, and I remember my grandfather talking about how exciting it would be to find out what comes next.

So, I have never been afraid of death.
I do however worry about people left behind and abcould be out the process of dying. But not in a big way. I am philosophical enough to think that I could live to 110 or be knocked down by a bus tomorrow

Lifecraft · 14/06/2019 16:50

Live every day as if it's your last.......one day you'll be right.

Isatis · 14/06/2019 16:51

I too suspect it's like having a general anaesthetic. When you wake up after one of those you don't have any consciousness of what has happened or time passing like you have when you wake up from sleep - it's essentially just nothingness. So I reckon I won't know about anything and I definitely won't care.

edgen2019 · 14/06/2019 16:53

I don't have any fear of dying, as I believe life is just a rehearsal and eventually I will be going to a better place.

Ginger1982 · 14/06/2019 16:56

Nope. Not afraid. I obviously don't want to die anytime soon as I have a very young DS but when the time comes I know my daddy, and lots of other special people and animals, will be waiting for me.

Tensixtysix · 14/06/2019 16:57

People are more scared to the process leading up to death. It's the one thing we can't really control (not usually).
Better to go out quick than know that you are going.
And if there is nothing after, then why worry? You won't be able to think about it.
If there is an afterlife, I bet the therapy angels will be very busy for millenia!

barnet · 14/06/2019 17:02

I’m not scared of MY death. I am scared of my mum’s death or my children’s death.

BettysLeftTentacle · 14/06/2019 17:03

I have to give an answer to this question a lot as a professional that deals with death daily.

Unpredictability makes me anxious, the unknown makes me anxious. Death is the one thing in life that I can say will happen with 100% certainty.

It’s a natural, organic process. What’s to be scared of? I don’t have to worry about what happens after I die because I’ll be dead! Saying that, I do worry about the passage to death sometimes and the people I’ll leave behind but I can control that somewhat with careful planning and talking about it with my loved ones.

I do believe that the majority of people are so scared about death because we don’t talk about it. It’s a massive elephant in our society, a taboo surrounded by inane rules and etiquette’s imagined out of nowhere. If only we all just talked a bit more honestly, found facts, expressed feelings and wishes without apologies and the fear of being morbid, then we’d all benefit from having a better relationship with the only life event you can count on. It would make it easier for the bereaved too.

Hecateh · 14/06/2019 17:03

I too suspect it's like having a general anaesthetic. When you wake up after one of those you don't have any consciousness of what has happened or time passing like you have when you wake up from sleep - it's essentially just nothingness. So I reckon I won't know about anything and I definitely won't care.

Last time I had an anaesthetic - about 10 years ago the theatre technician was chatting away and was telling me not to worry. I told her I wasn't remotely worried, that if I died under anaesthetic I would no nothing about it so I couldn't care less.

She was so shocked

cuppycakey · 14/06/2019 17:04

I am not afraid. I would like to wait until my DC are older, but would definitely kill myself if faced with a long drawn out and painful departure. I nursed someone very close to me through cancer ad that has probably had a big effect on how I feel about the dying process.

OP, what is it you are scared of? You say you can't imagine not having thoughts and being nothing. You don't have to imagine that as you will never experience it.

Try to imagine how huge the galaxy is, all the planets and stars, even just this planet, and try to see how tiny and insignificant each of our lives are in the grand scheme of things. That definitely helps me if I feel anxious about things.

I tell myself "Life is meaningless and everything dies" or "one day we will all be dead and none of this will matter"

I find this very reassuring Grin

Hecateh · 14/06/2019 17:07

I'm a huge advocate for voluntary euthanasia.

Me too

FourEyesGood · 14/06/2019 17:11

I’m looking forward to the rest, to be honest.