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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask this question

34 replies

FluffyTabbycat · 13/06/2019 19:55

"hi (mil) how would you feel about having (our DD )(6months old) overnight not this Friday but next? "

Is this rude? Is there a better way to put it? My DH and I were Daring to dream of a night down the town .... DD has never slept out...mil is lovely and great with DD....but has never offered....thoughts? Xx

OP posts:
dudsville · 13/06/2019 19:57

What's the concern with just asking her without over thinking it, is there history?

Bluntness100 · 13/06/2019 19:58

I think it's best to ask her in person. Otherwise you're putting her on the spot. I'd drop onto conversation if she would be comfortable at taking her over night at some point, what her thoughts ar on that.

HollowTalk · 13/06/2019 19:59

Does your daughter sleep through the night?

StreamsFullOfStars · 13/06/2019 20:00

No that's fine. Ask her in person though, not by text or email. Add in that you'd love a night out. The worst that can happen is that she says no or not yet.

ReganSomerset · 13/06/2019 20:01

You just have to hint in person. 'Oh, we really want a night out, but it's so hard with a baby...' wait for the offer.

Knittedfairies · 13/06/2019 20:01

Perhaps she could babysit at your house in the first instance.

Morgan12 · 13/06/2019 20:01

I just ask my family outright if they can watch my kids if I have something planned. Usually they are happy to do it. You might find MIL will jump at the chance and just didn't want to ask.

DramaAlpaca · 13/06/2019 20:01

Just ask her straight out. The worst that can happen is that she says 'no'.

MarthasGinYard · 13/06/2019 20:01

If she sleeps through then maybe but I'd ask in person.

Original poster
FluffyTabbycat · 13/06/2019 20:02

No history, I suppose I'm just dubious because she's never offered, should be seeing her tomorrow,I should drop it in to convo?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 13/06/2019 20:03

I really don't understand this post, tbh. It's a normal conversation, surely? Why do you need advice on it? Just ask her. And, you know, do it in a way that lets her say no if she's uncomfortable with it.

Original poster
FluffyTabbycat · 13/06/2019 20:04

She goes to bed 7,30pm She wakes up once for a mouthful of her of bottle and comes In to our bed (3 am) ish
She's awake about 25 mins in total at that time then back down untill 7 ISH

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyTabbycat · 13/06/2019 20:06

@bridgetreilly
I'm only asking if it sounds polite.
Just advice. Nothing more nothing less. Thank you for yours

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 13/06/2019 20:08

Personally no I wouldn't ask until she sleeps through. That's just me though.

federationrep · 13/06/2019 20:09

The fact you feel you could leave DD and would like to ask her speaks volumes on your relationship. Bloody well done OP and congrats on not having an MNstereotypical batshit mil. I'd start by addressing that she's never offered, she might have been too scared.
Id phone her along lines of "hi mil, dh & I were thinking it was time we had a night out. We know you've not offered but would you have DD for a sleepover. We are confident you & she would be fine. Please don't feel obliged as obviously you need to feel comfortable too". You probably won't need to get to the last sentence as she'll be jumping up and down in excitement. By speaking instead of texting you'll get a better idea of her gut reaction

Bluntness100 · 13/06/2019 20:14

No, I wouldn't ask if she doesn't sleep through and doesn't sleep the night in her cot.

You need to get her to sleep through in her own bed for the night, you can't expect your mother in law to be putting her into her own bed.

This is exactly why you're mother in law has not offered. Don't do this.

ryanreynolds · 13/06/2019 20:18

I'd ask...but don't be offended if she says no!

MyOpinionIsValid · 13/06/2019 20:24

If you cant do it, why cant your partner ask his mother ?

deste · 13/06/2019 20:38

I have had my GD a few times overnight and I love it. She doesn’t sleep all night either but I would do it anytime to give my DD a break and a nights sleep. Just ask how she would feel about babysitting all night.

quizqueen · 13/06/2019 20:41

Why should your MiL be expected to have her sleep interrupted and have to get up in the middle of the night so you can go 'boozing' , unless she has offered to do this herself, of course.

I am always willing to babysit for my grandchildren until the early hours in their own home, do school pick ups etc. but reluctant to have them overnight at mine because they wake up early and would be expect to be entertained for hours and can be sick in the night or wet the bed. I've done all that when my own kids were little, I don't want to go through it again unless it's an emergency. If grandparents are okay with that, that's up to them but it shouldn't be expected.

Mummyshark2018 · 13/06/2019 20:57

Why isn't your dh asking his mother? I don't think your message is rude at l but I would probably phone her instead

iamtinkabella · 13/06/2019 21:04

@quizqueen you sound so selfless..Brew

iamtinkabella · 13/06/2019 21:07

Go for it OP. you deserve a well needed breakWine

Original poster
FluffyTabbycat · 13/06/2019 21:22

I don't think it would put her off having her in the bed, she co slept with all the grand kids (not mine)
And once jokingly said "if I ever have you over night you can cuddle into nana all night" when DD was about 2 months old

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyTabbycat · 13/06/2019 21:25

Thank you @federationex
Smile
I guess I've just been lucky she's just a normal nice person Smile

OP posts:
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