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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell this woman the truth?

82 replies

RoonilWaslibb · 13/06/2019 13:54

I manage a recruitment agency and have recently placed a Personal Assistant for a member of the (not UK) Royal Family.

I had one candidate who, on paper, looked really promising, with really strong, relevant experience and who's interview was good (though not outstanding).
We are in contact with all of our shortlisted candidates via WhatsApp so they can ask us any questions they have and its just generally a fast, convenient method of communication.

This candidate, however, took to messaging both myself and my business partner (who's details she must have found online, and has been told does not deal directly with candidates) incessantly; mainly via WhatsApp but also calling and emailing.

In the space of an hour, she had called 5 times, left 3 voicemails, emailed three times and messaged 25 times on WA. This was just asking about the status of the job application. I was in meetings at the time so couldn't respond, so she took to harassing my business partner, claiming that I was not replying fast enough.
This happened various times over small questions she had, on one particular afternoon she messaged me every 15 minutes for 4 hours, adding information to her application.

This role is for a very very important person who is incredibly busy, and I feel that this candidates behaviour during the application process has shown a distinct lack of social and professional awareness; these kind of jobs require a high level of discretion and professionalism.

We didn't end up putting her forward to the client, and today I messaged her thanking for her time and informing her that her application hasn't gone further.

She's now messaged both me and my partner (and called multiple times) asking why? (Why? Why? Why...Why? But...Why?) and pointing out that she's the ideal candidate.

WIBU to tell her that its because she displayed really poor communication boundaries, or should i just make something up?

We had more than 700 applicants for the role, so my plate is overflowing anyway - so i recognise that I may be a bit stressed and impatient.

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 13/06/2019 13:59

I think it is always helpful for an applicant to have constructive feedback, but in thiscase I would be tempted not to as you may open a floodgate. It waould be enough to tell her she was a strong candidate but another candiate was stronger. Realistically you ccant to extensive feedback to 700 candidates. The culture of messaging and Whatsapp can be very counterproductive as you have found

tenbob · 13/06/2019 13:59

Of course tell her the truth!

You work in recruitment but need to ask on an internet message board how to give feedback?!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/06/2019 14:02

Yes, tell her the truth. why wouldn't you? It's the truth.

Original poster
RoonilWaslibb · 13/06/2019 14:02

Knew that someone was going to give me a bashing for asking advice on what to do with my job.

The feedback we have to give is usually a lot less personal than this (not enough experience, doesn't meet the requirements etc) but in this case its because she has shown a real lack of boundaries, and I'm not even sure telling her the truth would get through and not, as @Confusedbeetle says, just open the floodgates

OP posts:
QuickRedFox · 13/06/2019 14:03

Just don’t answer, block her and don’t communicate further. Whatever reason you give her, she’ll contact you another million times. She’s so far over the line.

Singlenotsingle · 13/06/2019 14:07

Tell her she messaged you too often, seemed to be obsessive, you were concerned about her MH and you generally felt she was unsuitable. She needs to rein back, or she'll never get a job!

No? Oh well, just a thought! Grin

Michellebops · 13/06/2019 14:07

I would just tell her that there was other candidates who were stronger and you'll keep her in consideration should anything change.
Thank her for her time and wish her every success for the future.

Give it a couple of days and block her number. Don't do it immediately.

Regardless of the bashing above, ignore it. Sometimes we don't have the answer for everything and may need help to put things into perspective

sheshootssheimplores · 13/06/2019 14:08

Would she have got the job if she hadn’t messaged you incessantly? If not, why not? Then go with that reason and add the lack of communication boundaries at the end as it may help her not fuck up her next interview.

jackio2205 · 13/06/2019 14:08

Ive been in recruitment and now in HR, i think in a perfect world you'd be honest and the candidate would say thank you for your constructive criticism and learn from it....
however we all know that wont happen so save yourself, you cant reason with unreasonable people and this sounds as if it's only going one way. Say they filled the role or changed the job spec or something? X

Bluerussian · 13/06/2019 14:10

She is a pain! No-one behaves like that. I think she is definitely unsuitable for job regardless of how she comes across in her cv.

Original poster
RoonilWaslibb · 13/06/2019 14:11

Would she have got the job if she hadn’t messaged you incessantly?

She was removed from our shortlist completely on the basis that she was harassing us; both my business partner and I discussed it at length and concluded that we couldn't refer a candidate who was likely to do the same to our Client, either during the interview stage or as an employee.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 13/06/2019 14:12

She will probably threaten to sue you if you are honest.... I’d tell her that someone else was a better candidate.

ReasonablyIntelligent · 13/06/2019 14:12

justilou1 Also a concern!

sheshootssheimplores · 13/06/2019 14:15

Then that’s the reason. She made the shortlist but there were stronger candidates than her as you received over 700 applicants. You shall keep her CV filed (in the bin). Thank you very much, kind regards.

madamedesevigne · 13/06/2019 14:16

I think it would be a kind thing to do. I wonder if using WhatsApp encourages more frequent communication and blurs the professional boundaries a little, maybe something to bear in mind for future vacancies.

badg3r · 13/06/2019 14:19

Can you frame it in such a way that you feel her communication style is unsuited to the client and nature of the job?

boobirdblue · 13/06/2019 14:21

I would tell her the truth, you act and are paid for by the employer. If you sent me her, I employed her and then found out after I'd paid the fee that you knew about her barking mad over zealous nature I'd be pissed off.

Tell her and then say, you've given feedback as requested and no further replies will be sent.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/06/2019 14:21

I one had to tell someone they didn't get a job and the wouldn't believe they were not the best candidate. Luckily the interview was scored and involved a test so we had evidence if needed but it was a very odd call. Keep it factual, so you can mention communication, but she clearly didn't have the tact and discretion needed for the role. Good luck.

mumofwantwomany · 13/06/2019 14:23

Wtf yes tell her, her behaviour isn't acceptable and she needs to know that

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/06/2019 14:25

Give her the bland feedback

She will indulge you by coming backasking again for more... let her o that a few times then tell her, quite bluntly, to cease and desist contactting you, that tyou have given her her feedback and have no more information for her. She is to stop!

If she doesn't, and she may well have the hide of a rhino, drop the word harrassment nto your final reply... then bock what you can. Let her commit her next missive to paper!

eddielizzard · 13/06/2019 14:27

Yes, I'd tell her, very clearly.

JaneEyreAgain · 13/06/2019 14:28

Tell her..

lilpumpsmum · 13/06/2019 14:29

There were other candidates more suitable for the job but ALSO mention that she needs to work on communication boundaries. So a double edged sword. You aren't saying "if you weren't so annoying you would've got it" even though that may have been the truth.
If you run a recruitment agency I assume you'll be dealing with her again?
Best to let her know.

LightTripper · 13/06/2019 14:30

If you give her accurate feedback you know that she's just going to harass you constantly via WhatsApp/various other means to tell you why you are wrong. Sadly I'm in the "keep it bland" "very large and strong field of candidates" camp.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 13/06/2019 14:30

For her own sake she needs to be told her behaviour is very off-putting to potential employers. I just don't know how you tell her without it causing a backlash.