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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell this woman the truth?

82 replies

RoonilWaslibb · 13/06/2019 13:54

I manage a recruitment agency and have recently placed a Personal Assistant for a member of the (not UK) Royal Family.

I had one candidate who, on paper, looked really promising, with really strong, relevant experience and who's interview was good (though not outstanding).
We are in contact with all of our shortlisted candidates via WhatsApp so they can ask us any questions they have and its just generally a fast, convenient method of communication.

This candidate, however, took to messaging both myself and my business partner (who's details she must have found online, and has been told does not deal directly with candidates) incessantly; mainly via WhatsApp but also calling and emailing.

In the space of an hour, she had called 5 times, left 3 voicemails, emailed three times and messaged 25 times on WA. This was just asking about the status of the job application. I was in meetings at the time so couldn't respond, so she took to harassing my business partner, claiming that I was not replying fast enough.
This happened various times over small questions she had, on one particular afternoon she messaged me every 15 minutes for 4 hours, adding information to her application.

This role is for a very very important person who is incredibly busy, and I feel that this candidates behaviour during the application process has shown a distinct lack of social and professional awareness; these kind of jobs require a high level of discretion and professionalism.

We didn't end up putting her forward to the client, and today I messaged her thanking for her time and informing her that her application hasn't gone further.

She's now messaged both me and my partner (and called multiple times) asking why? (Why? Why? Why...Why? But...Why?) and pointing out that she's the ideal candidate.

WIBU to tell her that its because she displayed really poor communication boundaries, or should i just make something up?

We had more than 700 applicants for the role, so my plate is overflowing anyway - so i recognise that I may be a bit stressed and impatient.

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/06/2019 14:32

QuickFox has it. This woman has the hide of a rhinocerous, and I can guarantee you will not be open to feedback, whatever she says.

woodcutbirds · 13/06/2019 14:33

I'd be honest. Tell her she was a strong candidate and a possibility though not the front runner, until she bombarded you with emails. Communication sensitivity is important in the job and for you to consider her in the future for a job of this calibre she'd need to prove she could manage her time and interpersonal skills more efficiently and respectfully.

DoneLikeAKipper · 13/06/2019 14:33

Knew that someone was going to give me a bashing for asking advice on what to do with my job.

Probably because there’s nothing more unprofessional (or in many cases, trolling) than asking advice about a possible sensitive or outing situation than to post it on Mumsnet. This is supposedly your job, have you not been adequately trained to deal with this? Why do you need an Internet forum (not even a work related one) to tell you how to deal with a work/HR related situation?

HollowTalk · 13/06/2019 14:36

She was removed from our shortlist completely on the basis that she was harassing us; both my business partner and I discussed it at length and concluded that we couldn't refer a candidate who was likely to do the same to our Client, either during the interview stage or as an employee.

This is exactly what you need to say to her. I would count up all unnecessary contacts and list them. She sounds unhinged!

CoraPirbright · 13/06/2019 14:37

She will probably threaten to sue you if you are honest

Crikey! I know naff all about law - is there really something she could sue you for because of this? What would it be? Would it be something like where you can only give really bland references for former employees eg Sandra worked for us from to when what you really want to write is ‘Sandra is a maniac who burnt the building down’!

Could you say that she was a strong candidate but others were stronger and you didnt feel her style of communication was suited to this particular post? She sounds highly unprofessional and totally lacking in boundaries to be pestering you like she was.

Genevieva · 13/06/2019 14:37

I would just say that you had over 700 applicants for the job and, while she has a strong CV and interviewed well, she was not in the top 3 or 4 who were taken forward for the next stage of the interview process.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/06/2019 14:39

That is the perfect bland response!

If she does protest then a) you will know she is 'one of those' and b) can be more sharp with her!

SouthWestmom · 13/06/2019 14:44

Isn't her conduct with you separate to the scoring and assessment for the job? So I think mentioning it is a can of worms.

number1wang · 13/06/2019 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KissMeBunty · 13/06/2019 14:47

"Thank you for your application. You were not successful at this time, although your CV and previous experiences are very impressive. We had many strong candidates which we felt were more suited to the job. Additionally, we felt that your communication skills were not suited to this position, and that the frequency of contact made in the process was excessive."

DonkeyHohtay · 13/06/2019 14:47

Tell her.

Teddybear45 · 13/06/2019 14:50

If you know you don’t want her on your books just block her and ignore her communication attempts. There is no need for feedback at all and this might be easier.

KC225 · 13/06/2019 14:54

kissmebunty says it perfectly. That level of communication is nuts. She needs to be told. Send Bunty's letter then block.

Loveislandaddict · 13/06/2019 14:54

Geneivieva has the ideal respond - acknowledging she was a strong candidate, but there were others stronger.

Nb - the details you have given are quite detailed.

Ie. Personal assistant for a possible non-UK Royal or dignitary, with the candidate harnessing you with calls. If she reads this, she could easily identify herself, and posting it isn’t that professional.

Loveislandaddict · 13/06/2019 14:55

Therefore, not sure whether you want to take it down before the Daily Fail gets hold of the story.

banivani · 13/06/2019 14:57

Something similar has been up on askamanager.org - have a look there and see if you can find it, there was some good advice!

Durgasarrow · 13/06/2019 14:58

Don't give her any rope with which she can hang you. Keep it cheery and impersonal. There is nothing as cutting in the long run.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/06/2019 15:06

No, I would just tell her another candidate was stronger. It would be more useful to be able to give her that feedback but I don't think you can - you could open a can of worms for yourself as your basis for not proceeding was something not part of her actual application - something 'personal', if you will. Which could mean all sorts of trouble if she decided to get stroppy - I think you're perfectly justified by the way, but she could possibly find a way to complain about you judging her on things outwith her official application - don't go there.

PeoniesarePink · 13/06/2019 15:08

I'd go with something like "you were the ideal candidate on paper and on our shortlist of candidates until you started messaging excessively; that lead us to conclude that you were not the right person for this family. We wish you well on your hunt for employment" then block.

We recently had an applicatant for a job who was perfect on paper, until she left a voicemail that sounded like she was in a wind tunnel, took me 10 minutes to work out who on earth it was! She soon got a reject message, we can't have someone leaving messages like that for clients.

PeoniesarePink · 13/06/2019 15:09

applicant even.

Namechangeishard · 13/06/2019 15:09

You need to tell her this^ exactly.

MRex · 13/06/2019 15:18

I'd have to say something.

"We had a large number of highly qualified candidates apply for this role, including several candidates who more closely met the criteria than you did, so we were unable to shortlist you on this occasion. As additional feedback, your communication style and frequency during the process was inappropriate for this level of role and type of client, so you may want to consider that when you look at other roles. If we have other roles come up in the next year that we feel you are suited for then we will of course be in touch. Best of luck in your search."

BlindAssassin1 · 13/06/2019 15:20

Give her the bland 'why' but then put her on the black list, aka the shit list of people that you don't want to deal with again. Now she's has numerous ways of contacting you she'll bloody haunt you. When there's a job she fancies in the future she'll do the same again. Best nip it in the bud now, kindly but firmly.

Amibeingdaft81 · 13/06/2019 15:47

If you are ten2two - I know your business (an email came up with a similar job spec recently)

And whilst I have you - for goodness sakes, please will you have the courtesy to respond to emails. It’s constant chasing and, as a returner post children, it was really demoralising.

Benes · 13/06/2019 15:51

It's a tricky one. On one hand I feel she needs to know why she hasn't been shortlisted. However, the current climate worries me so i'd be tempted with the 'bland' feedback.

Slightly different situation but i'm an admissions tutor at a university and i've just rejected a candidate for a postgrad course because of her attitude towards our admissions and admin team. The course qualifies you to do a particular job where interpersonal skills are vitally important but she was very rude to staff...apart form academics. She was a delight with me. I'm dreading her asking for feedback!

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