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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lazy SIL am I being unreasonable?

83 replies

Bozlem80 · 13/06/2019 11:06

I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable? I work in our little family business & I’m getting rather pissed off with my SIL! I do a lot of heavy lifting & picking orders but she swans in & sits down on her arse at the computer doing not a lot! She doesn’t even bother asking if anything needs to be done, yesterday after putting stock away my DH asked me if I was going to make us all a coffee he was serious too! I saw red & told him to fuck off & ask his precious sister instead, he would rather upset me than his sister, so I’m in today & yet again lifting & carrying whilst she sits on her backside claiming to be soooo busy. I’m in a t-shirt & she is sat there in big coat & the heater on! I’ve already told my DH I hate working there but he takes very little notice of me in general!

OP posts:
happyhillock · 13/06/2019 12:54

If your not being paid i wouldn't go back, if you are you need to have a meeting about who's supposed to be doing what, also make sure your not the only one doing all the heavy lifting, tell the men to do it.

WhereForArtThouBray · 13/06/2019 12:56

You need a proper defined job role, so everyone knows who does what and what is expected.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2019 12:58

I’ve already told my DH I hate working there but he takes very little notice of me in general

That's a real problem OP. Your SIL is a small small issue compared to this statement

ZenNudist · 13/06/2019 12:58

Can you leave? Or will you be guilted into staying.

If your SIL is doing not much then presumably she coukd do what you do and the business could save your wage.

Go get a job, then tell your family.

SavingSpaces2019 · 13/06/2019 12:59

You're being taken for a mug because you allow it.
Why do you stay quiet and do all the lifting whilst SIL sits on her arse?
Why haven't you put your foot down over the unfairness?
Do you even get paid a wage?

Your own husband doesn't treat you right in your job - and you still carry on working there!
Either speak up and vote with your feet if they don't want to play fair or keep playing the martyr and complaining.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/06/2019 13:08

So many questions op. I’m also awaiting the answers.

What’s your dh like in general?

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/06/2019 13:17

You can apply for jobs from your phone.

MrHaroldFry · 13/06/2019 13:20

Stop doing what you are doing. I repeat, stop doing what you are doing. She will let you so just stop.

Hand her a list daily, with her To-Dos on one side and yours on the other.

If she moans, walk out, say you've hurt your back and go home.

ComeAndDance · 13/06/2019 13:34

You are feeling like a skivvy because you are treated like a skivvy.
Your DH thinks h ca expects you to bring cups of tea and coffee as if he was THE boss. Your SIL has managed to get out of the tasks she doesn’t want to do.

Family businesses are VERY tricky to handle and I think I would look for something else instead.

Isatis · 13/06/2019 13:48

Have you started jobhunting, OP? No time like the present.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/06/2019 13:58

Just get another job. I'm amazed you tolerated this sort of behaviour for more than a day to be honest.

myhamster · 13/06/2019 14:00

If you want to stay there, then the business partners need to clearly define your roles. They should do staff appraisals and ask each of you how you see your role and if you would like to extend it in any way.

This could create a huge problem though if each DH supports their wife as they should......

It needs to be done though if you are intending to stay there. If they see your role as warehouse and hers as admin and you want to change that, then you need to discuss it with them. Also, the 4 of you can take it in turns to make coffee!

steff13 · 13/06/2019 14:04

Buy yourself a chair and scootch in next to her at the computer.

Really, though, I'd quit. It sounds like a terrible situation. Your husband takes no notice of you, you are working at a crappy job; find a new job, then find a new husband.

Bluntness100 · 13/06/2019 14:06

It sounds like she does the administrative work and you do the manual work, and the roles have evolved that way?

You say you'd love to "learn" which would indicate right now you don't know how to do it or what's to be done? Is that the case? If so, then possibly ask her to teach you?

Happynow001 · 13/06/2019 14:47

Like I say I feel I’m the skivvy in the whole thing, she isn’t office manager/admin or anything like that. It’s a family business & we are all meant to work together!
I came on to say you are allowing yourself to be the skivvy in everyone's eyes but you've now said it yourself.

Do you see this situation improving at all - it doesn't look so from the outside. Nor from the viewpoint of either your SIL or, sadly your husband. Really, the best thing you could do for yourself is to look for a job outside the family where you could learn new skills, get stimulating (hopefully) social interaction and also earn a salary (and pension contributions) outside the family.

What's stopping you?

FizzyGreenWater · 13/06/2019 15:01

I just feel I’m the skivvy in the whole thing.

That's because you are! It's your DH and BILs' business - not yours.

Unless you own a stake in your own right, I'd mention that you're looking for another job. And if your answer to that is 'I can't... DH would go mental/not let me/not worth the grief I'd get' - then your problem is not your SIL.

rainbowstardrops · 13/06/2019 15:05

So change it! 🤷🏻‍♀️

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/06/2019 15:07

oh and yes, is your name on this family business?

poopypants · 13/06/2019 15:17

Go to the GP. Tell them that you have a pain in your back and get a letter to say you can't do ANY lifting of ANY SORT for at least 6 weeks. See what happens.....

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/06/2019 15:19

Go to the GP. Tell them that you have a pain in your back and get a letter to say you can't do ANY lifting of ANY SORT for at least 6 weeks. See what happens.....

Eh????? OP, please don't lie. Lyings wrong.

NCforthis2019 · 13/06/2019 15:23

Change jobs then dump the rude husband who seems to think/value his sister is better/more than his own wife. Why are you with someone who takes no notice of you - surely you must value yourself more?

AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2019 15:25

So did your DH and BIl set the business up before or after you 2 got together? Did your SIL start working there before/after/at the same time as you? What does she do on the computer? Book Keeping/Orders/Invoicing? If so was this the job she was hired to do or what?

Bluntness100 · 13/06/2019 15:26

Go to the GP. Tell them that you have a pain in your back and get a letter to say you can't do ANY lifting of ANY SORT for at least 6 weeks. See what happens..

This is ridiculous advice. The business will be what they all live off of.

I do wonder if there is a difference in thr three siblings working together v the op, one of rhe wives.

Op if you're not happy with your role, then sit down and discuss with the other three what you'd like to do. But you need to also accept what you can do. It's one thing to say you want to learn, because if right now you don't have the skill set to do what she does, then you need her to teach you, and then over see your work. As well as doing her own work.

It's a good idea to learn, but not because you want to sit on your arse.

ElektraUnchained · 13/06/2019 16:06

Sorry OP but this list of qs may help clarify your thinking.

  1. are you paid a comparable wage to other businesses for your work?
  2. do you all have a defined job role/title/spec?
  3. do you have adequate legal protections in the form of policies eg h&s, grievance, maternity etc?
  4. who is your line manager? They should be responsible for dealing with any workplace issues you are having.
  5. does your DH also pay your opinion no mind in other areas?
  6. does your DH make YOU feel valued even if you feel underappreciated at work?
Juells · 13/06/2019 16:27

Bugger that, heavy lifting? I wouldn't do that anywhere. Get a different job and let your DH, SiL and BiL do the heavy lifting from now on. You're right at the bottom of the heap and that's where you'll stay as it's 'their' business, and you're the skivvy.