Lazy SIL am I being unreasonable?

[Bozlem80]

I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable? I work in our little family business & I’m getting rather pissed off with my SIL! I do a lot of heavy lifting & picking orders but she swans in & sits down on her arse at the computer doing not a lot! She doesn’t even bother asking if anything needs to be done, yesterday after putting stock away my DH asked me if I was going to make us all a coffee he was serious too! I saw red & told him to fuck off & ask his precious sister instead, he would rather upset me than his sister, so I’m in today & yet again lifting & carrying whilst she sits on her backside claiming to be soooo busy. I’m in a t-shirt & she is sat there in big coat & the heater on! I’ve already told my DH I hate working there but he takes very little notice of me in general!

I don't understand why you're quietly seething with resentment but obviously haven't said anything to her or your DH or BIL...

Yes to finding another job.

And yes, tell DH to make his own bloody coffee.

This must make for a difficult atmosphere at home.
Is there anything else in your area you think you could apply for?

your issue is undefined roles and her getting away with sitting there doing the bits she wants to do and ignoring the bits she doesn't want to do that you get lumbered with. I would get in earlier a few times and sit yourself at the computer and do what needs doing and ignore her hanging about and looking over should and just say oh that lifting and shifting over there needs doing if you are at a loose end...

This is typical in small family businesses because the lines are blurred between family/colleague and personal/professional.You need clearly defined roles and responsibilities to avoid all this childish I did this so it's her turn to do that, it's not faaaaiiir stuff.

If that's not possible then get a job elsewhere. You don't actually need your husbands permission to do that.

I'd get a new job. Yours sounds like an example of all the things that would go wrong when you work with family/your h's family. No job requirements, no ground rules, no boundaries, no expectations of fair treatment, no HR...

I'd also consider a new husband.

If this was a formal work situation, you’d ask to see your line manager and discuss roles, teamwork and express a desire to learn more about such and such.
If you don’t get anywhere, then you move on.
Maybe it would help to formalise things a bit mire otherwise just get another job.

Does her role require her to be on the computer? Is she taking orders/paying bills/responding to enquiries? If So, what is your designated role?

Why aren't there more chairs in the workspace?

Do you get an actual wage, OP? Or is this the sort of business where you are expected to work in exchange for your 'keep'? Did you choose to join the business, or were you just told that, having married your H, you were now part of the family firm?
Some family businesses can be hugely exploitative and only survive because family members (particularly younger and less assertive ones) are coerced into working for either no wages or illegally low ones, and doing all sorts of excessive hours.

Did you leave a job to work here? What did you do before?

Sounds like you need to carry out a roles and responsibilities type exercise so you are all clear on what you should be doing. Maybe also have a rota and ensure she gets to do some of the heavy lifting and carrying.

As always you have a DH issue Im afraid

What Anne said. With bells on.

No further advice needed

Unfortunately I've seen this happen so often in family businesses - no doubt because they know that, no matter what, the family won't sack them and they'll always have a job

I'm afraid the only real answer is to work elsewhere (and yes, I'd also be looking at your DH's attitude overall)

I’ve already told my DH I hate working there but he takes very little notice of me in general!

I missed the bit where you were transported back in time to a Victorian workhouse & given no choice in employment.
What makes you feel you need your DH's opinion, & worse, permission, on whether you enjoy & stay in your job?
Why can you not simply leave?
How is it that you feel unable to challenge your SiL directly? Tell her to get off her lazy arse, help you out, take a fair share of the labour?
WTF is going on that your DH tells you to make coffee, & you are unable to challenge him, either?

You need to 1) change jobs
2) go on an assertiveness training programme
3) consider your relationship with your DH very seriously, in the light of 2).

What is her role?

What is your role?

Why don't you both have computers and chairs?

It’s my DH & BIL business, me & SIL work there too, I just feel I’m the skivvy in the whole thing. The stuff I do is so basic I would love to learn more in the office but she is forever hogging the chair.

So take the initiative. What IS she doing "hogging the chair"? Is she doing the accounts? Processing sales? What are your skills, and what can you bring to the business that would make you more valuable than picking & packing, so that you could drive more sales and have them hire someone on NMW for that kind of work?

If you want to do more office based work, pick an area that you KNOW needs development, bring in a bloody chair of your own and your laptop, and say "As of this week, I am going to spend a couple of hours a day on this aspect of the business" and sit down and start doing it.

If your SIL is fannying about on Mumsnet or FB, NOTICE when she is doing that and ask her out straight for help with these boxes. Or to make you all a cup of coffee. If someone else is using the computer and she's hovering ASK HER TO HELP YOU. If she objects, push it - "They're going to be using the computer for at least another 15 minutes - can you please come over here and help me pack this box? It will take you 5 minutes."

Get in and sit at the computer before she arrives. And don't move.

I would love to learn more in the office but she is forever hogging the chair.

Yup. A new job, where your employers will be pleased to train you in office skills, & maybe own more than one chair.

Your current job is doing your self esteem no good, & your career development will remain zero if you stay.
Just a thought - do you even get paid?
Or are you a cinderella skivvy?
The work dynamic for you sounds toxic, please leave.

I’ve already told my DH I hate working there but he takes very little notice of me in general!

The fuck? And you’re here to complain about your sister in law. Why did you marry him? Would you like to divorce him?

Do your CV and look for another job right now. Temping is always a good start.

Hand your notice in

Find another job

Maybe you slip in the shower later. Hurt your bad back. No more heavy lifting for a while. Your SIL will just have to get up off her ass and help then.

I would leave and get another job.

I’ve already told my DH I hate working there but he takes very little notice of me in general it's up to you what you.so about this but it isn't my idea of a good marriage.

Are you paid ?

You need to leave. Are they even paying you fairly or are you an unpaid skivvy? Is the business in your name? Do you have access to the bank accounts?

Well done for telling your DH to fuck off about the coffee. What was his response?

Have a meeting and ask them why you do all the skivvying. Why are you doing all the heavy lifting?