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Original poster

Have I made a mistake? Nursery/recpetion

40 replies

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 12/06/2019 19:13

My dd is 4 and starts school in September. She struggles socially so I have never sent her to a nursery or preschool and instead she has remained with her childminders with the same 4 children for the past 3 years. Went to our parents evening last night and it has hit me how new it will all be.

Was I being unreasonable to not have used nursery and will she be at disadvantage? :(

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 12/06/2019 19:19

Does the childminder take her to groups?

Do you do playdates with her? Will she know many of the children in her class?

lovelylegs2019 · 12/06/2019 19:19

It will be different for her and you as parents but childminders are so good at going to social situations like children centres, toddler groups etc I’m sure your LO will of socialised lots. It won’t take long honestly for you all to settle x I did the same with my now teens who went to a fabulous childminder and they were fine x we did struggle with getting to assemblies as our school wasn’t great at giving us notice but the Grandparents helped out too!!

ILikeYourLittleHat · 12/06/2019 19:20

If a cm suited her more then I don't think you've done anything wrong. She'll have thrived there and will have gone to toddler groups etc presumably?

My dc was at preschool/ nursery 3x a week and is old for his year yet i still expect school to be a shock. Can you meet up with any of the other kids starting in September so she'll have more familiar faces?

What do you mean by saying she struggles socially - is she just shy, or does she get aggressive etc?

SavoyCabbage · 12/06/2019 19:20

Some children have just been at home when they start school and haven't been to a nursery or a childminder. She's at absolutely no disadvantage I promise you. The school won't have any expectation that she will know anything like lining up at the door or what happens at lunchtime and she will pick those things up in no time at all.

Original poster
Bugsymalonemumof2 · 12/06/2019 19:25

The childminders on the days she goes they do forest school, they do their groups on the days she doesn't go (not intentional) and we used to do lots of groups but my now 2 year old spent the best part of the last 18 months poorly so we gradually stopped going so she doesn't get the social opportunities in hindsight she needs.

She has zero boundaries, she wants to play but she is very touchy feely and pulls around, it hasn't clicked for her even though the right intention is there and she has a speech delay. She uses a weighted blanket to help her sit still and she is classed as very hyperactive so I'm just super worried how she is going to cope with not having 2 adults to 4 children. The way her school does reception is free flow so it's 90 kids to negotiate, not just her class of 30

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 12/06/2019 19:27

If she struggles socially she is likely to find school overwhelming anyway. I would try to take her (or get the childminder to take her) to as many places as possible where she needs to negotiate with other children. (Like soft play, toddler groups etc).
My dd who is 4 was painfully shy up until 6 months ago, and now is full of confidence, which is mostly down to theatre club and dance lessons.
As another thought, her school offers parents a slower start to school (mornings only) for the first half term if they need it. Might be worth an ask?

Troels · 12/06/2019 19:29

My Dd didn't start school till 5 and was home with me until then, she went to play with a couple of other children on occasion and learned to read at home. She went to school no problem.
The teacher said by half way through the school year there is no difference between those who went to preschool and those that didn't.
She'll be fine, she's used to leaving you for the babysitter each day and following the rules there so I wouldn't worry.

Thingsthatgo · 12/06/2019 19:32

Also, have a chat with the SENCO as soon as you can. I’m not suggesting your dd has a SEN, but they will want to know in advance if she needs some extra help.

Sparadrap · 12/06/2019 19:36

My DS is starting reception in September. The school offer part time until January. It’s usually taken up by children not previously in a preschool or nursery. Can you ask if yours will do something similar so it’s not such a shock?

On a more positive note, the headteacher says the kids that start on part time pretty much always ask to go full time after a few weeks. He says that it’s the parents who worry and the children usually adapt well. Our school is flexible and if they want to change to full time before January they can.

Original poster
Bugsymalonemumof2 · 12/06/2019 19:41

She does 5 days of 2 hour sessions then straight in for full time.

I keep flip flopping from she will thrive to I have made a big mistake never getting her in a formal setting with many kids

OP posts:
ArchMemory · 12/06/2019 19:47

Please try not to worry you’ve made a mistake. You’ve made decisions in the best interests of your daughter and what suited her.

Does the school do any settling in sessions this term? The school my son starts at in September has a session where parents stay in the classroom and a session where parents go to the hall. That will help give your daughter and the teachers some insight into whether she’s going to find it challenging.

My son is still 3 (August birthday) and while no delays he does seem ‘young’ for his age. He’s been in nursery but I know from my eldest that school can still be a shock, very tiring etc. All the parents will be worried about their own children and how they’ll get on. It’s not a nice feeling but it’s normal.

IceRebel · 12/06/2019 19:48

Also, have a chat with the SENCO as soon as you can... they will want to know in advance if she needs some extra help.

This //\

It does seem like she will struggle with school, but going to nursery wouldn't necessarily have made the transition easier.

ILoveGroot · 12/06/2019 19:52

My DS went to nursery 3 days a week from the age of 1, he still took ages to settle into school; so for some children it may not really help.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2019 20:18

OP when did she turn 4? Could you look at putting in for a delayed start? Apparen

I think you have some work to do together over the next few months. Can you look for summer groups where she can get used to being around other kids? If it's a "local" school can you arrange some play dates with other kids? So that there's a few kids she knows?

It's hard when you spend half your life in hospital, i've been there OP. Don't worry too much yet, school should be able to help settle her

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2019 20:19

OP when did she turn 4? Could you look at putting in for a delayed start? Apparen

I think you have some work to do together over the next few months. Can you look for summer groups where she can get used to being around other kids? If it's a "local" school can you arrange some play dates with other kids? So that there's a few kids she knows?

It's hard when you spend half your life in hospital, i've been there OP. Don't worry too much yet, school should be able to help settle her

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2019 20:26

OP when did she turn 4? Could you look at putting in for a delayed start? Apparen

I think you have some work to do together over the next few months. Can you look for summer groups where she can get used to being around other kids? If it's a "local" school can you arrange some play dates with other kids? So that there's a few kids she knows?

It's hard when you spend half your life in hospital, i've been there OP. Don't worry too much yet, school should be able to help settle her

Prestia · 12/06/2019 20:35

One of the benefits of going to nursery is their ability to liason with the school more formally.

FWIW I've taught plenty of children who've been at home and coped absolutely fine.

However, she does sound as though she will need some supports to thrive. Please do contact the school ASAP.

MatchSetPoint · 12/06/2019 20:48

No don’t worry, this is what reception class is for, to get used to school and formal education. Reception year is a gap between school and nursery/preschool/childminders to get all the children on the same page and up to a similar standard. I wouldn’t worry at all, if there’s a problem the school will contact you and make suggestions such as only doing half days or just three days a week. The reception class has a class teacher as well as a nursery nurse, the nursery nurse will be very important to your child and will help children like yours to ‘fit in’.

Original poster
Bugsymalonemumof2 · 12/06/2019 20:52

She is 5 in November

@Prestia I think this is what is concerning me. There has already been a lot to load on between the nurseries and the school for those on the SEN register (which she is also on) and we have been trying to arrange a meeting between us and the school and getting nowhere. Feeling a bit like she is going under the radar a bit :(

OP posts:
IceRebel · 12/06/2019 20:53

The reception class has a class teacher as well as a nursery nurse

This isn't something i've ever come across, usually it will be a teacher and a TA. Nursery teachers in schools are a separate role, and work with the nursery children, not reception.

Yabbers · 12/06/2019 20:54

DD was at a private nursery from 15 months. Went right through to pre-school and still struggled socially. Some kids just do. Just about finished P5 now and she is the life and soul of any gathering. A very popular pupil according to today’s school report.

Your DD will get there, it’s too soon to worry about it.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2019 20:57

agree with Ice, our reception class, linked to our nursery by double doors, doesn't have a nursery nurse. It has a class teacher and TA's. It might have extra staff as 121's.

Bugsy if she's on the SEN register, does she have a EHCP? If not, def ask to speak to the SEN person at school and get the ball rolling now.

If she toilet trained? Can she undress / dress herself? Recognise her own name? Those are useful skills for when they start reception

Oneminuteandthenallgone · 12/06/2019 20:58

The reception class has a class teacher as well as a nursery nurse, the nursery nurse will be very important to your child and will help children like yours to ‘fit in’.

The statutory staffing for a reception class is 30 children to one qualified teacher (maintained) or suitably qualified person (academies).

Some schools may have a teaching assistant attached full or part time. Most LAs got rid of nursery nurse posts some years ago. A nursery nurse is no longer a taught qualification.

cochineal7 · 12/06/2019 21:05

If she is 5 in November she is not compulsory school age until 1 January. So for the first term you can send her in part time if you wish to ease her into it a bit (school may not like it but legally it is your full right). 90 kids is massive by the way!

Original poster
Bugsymalonemumof2 · 12/06/2019 21:07

Yes it's one teacher and one ta.

She isn't eligible for an echp

OP posts: