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Original poster

What not to do at a wedding

85 replies

Irishdays · 12/06/2019 11:34

Getting married later on in 2019 and fairly typically want to avoid any faux pas.....but with the best will in the world you can't control everything :)
What has been the most ridiculous/outrageous/funny thing to have happened during a wedding? (your own or others)

A friend (the bride) got married about 5 years ago. I went to the wedding with 2 other friends of the bride. We all worked together. Towards the end of the wedding my friends now mother in law came over to us very drunk. She didn't realise we were friends of the bride and exclaimed very clearly to us how my friend is totally wrong for her son and she wishes this day never happened! My other friends and I just stood there in shock
Same wedding - the groom's brother swung a couple of punches at the waiting staff after being refused more alcohol - he ended up getting chucked out of his own brothers wedding by the venue
Needless to say this marriage ended in divorce 14 months later

I went to a gay wedding at the start of the year. It was in a school's chapel followed by the wedding breakfast in the ajoining school hall. A 7 year old relative of one of the groom's family waited until possibly the quietest moment in the chapel before saying in a very loud voice ''are gays allowed to get married in church? Mum you said the wedding isn't going to be a normal wedding cos its two men getting married'' - said mum (sat next too child) very quickly turned beetroot red

If anything goes wrong at my wedding I really hope we can laugh about it but who knows

Please tell me your stories

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 12/06/2019 14:10

your future SIL proposition your soon to be DH

When you say future SIL, I am assume you mean your brothers partner as opposed to your DH sister?

maimainomai · 12/06/2019 14:13

mainmain in some USA states children can marry as early as 13 with parental & court permission - I think to marry at 16 you need the same process in the UK (though I don't think its a good idea!)

I agree, child marriage is a huge issue.. there are also countries (and US States IIRC correctly) that don’t have an age limit... 16 is not as bad as many other cases but I firmly believe that marriage is for adults...

Areyoufree · 12/06/2019 14:15

The vicar launched into an anti-gay marriage speech for his sermon. Very awkward. "Marriage is between a MAN and a WOMAN." This was most definitely not a sentiment shared by the very lovely, easy-going couple getting married, by the way.

LarkDescending · 12/06/2019 14:22

Don't be pregnant on your wedding day by the stripper from your hen night (a former colleague of mine was the groom in such a situation).

IDontDrinkTea · 12/06/2019 14:22

I went to a wedding where the best man gave a speech about how the bride was like each of the seven dwarves...

Losingthechubrub · 12/06/2019 14:26

Went to a relative's wedding a few years ago, beautiful service and reception, so much love in the room, both brides looked stunning, hands down the best wedding I have ever been to. Until I heard a woman expressing disappointment for my relative's new mother-in-law, because 'having your daughter marry a woman isn't what anyone wants, is it?' Luckily, the best woman overheard, and educated her beautifully and politely on the subject of equal marriage before it got back to the happy couple

Letsnotargue · 12/06/2019 14:27

If you can, check what the registrar is going to say. Ours made our parent a stand up launched into a big speech about parents and how they set an example for kids for life etc. My parents has been divorced for 12 years at this point and had barely said two words to each other in that time. I was praying that she didn’t ask them to say anything. Hopefully she noticed that mine were sat as far away from each other as possible...

Then my dad started his speech with an ultrasound picture of my future nephew. A) people thought it was mine until I stood up and pointed out that his grandchild he was talking about was my sister’s, and b) it was my wedding! Why was he talking about that? He had an A4 picture of the scan to show everyone so it wasn’t a slip up.

Eliza9919 · 12/06/2019 14:27

Mind you, your OP reads like a fishing trip for a magazine article.

Exactly what I thought.

hellymart · 12/06/2019 14:28

I'm getting married in a few weeks' time - you're all making me very nervous!! But my big tip (which I am following myself!) is to make sure, for God's sake, that your guests are FED! Never forget going to a wedding where the canapes after the ceremony were almost non-existent (I got one, my OH got none), we didn't sit down to eat until 5pm (having had nothing since breakfast) and THEN they did the speeches first, so by the time the meal came, it was about 5.30pm and I was starving and pretty grumpy. We are having sandwiches at lunchtime and canapes after the reception, so although our guests won't eat until about 5.30pm either, they will have had food throughout the day. Keep people fed and watered and they will be happy, on the whole (not too much of the 'watered' though, of course!). Have a great day.

Nonstopbuttmachine · 12/06/2019 14:28

I used to be a wedding planner abroad, best five years of my life Grin

Relatives of the bride & groom often ended up in A&E due to heatstroke and drunken accidents; one poor bride's father didn't even make it to the wedding to give her away as he'd fallen down the stairs pissed and split his head open Hmm

Best one ever was the Cypriot police turning up at the church five minutes before the wedding to arrest the groom and best man Shock The priest was shouting at the police whilst I was frantically trying to stall the bride who was just emerging from the wedding car with her father. Thankfully one of the guests (with local knowledge) had the presence of mind to organise a whip-round bribe and sent the police happily on their way. It was a lovely but interesting ceremony with the priest making veiled references to stolen cars, the guests stifling giggles and the bride looking slightly bewildered ConfusedGrin

ooooohbetty · 12/06/2019 14:35

I was a barmaid at a wedding. The groom was absolutely hammered and kept coming up to the bar to stand and talk to me. I thought the bride was going to punch me.

LadyRannaldini · 12/06/2019 14:42

Don't ask an evangelical clergyman to give the sermon if he doesn't understand 5 minutes and bores you, the congregation and the millions watching worldwide to death!

TooManyPaws · 12/06/2019 14:46

I went to a friend's early afternoon wedding in a town about 30 miles away. The reception was in a posh local 'destination' hotel. The photographs after the wedding took forever so most of the guests were absolutely sloshed up at the expensive hotel bar waiting for the wedding party to turn up. There was then a champagne reception with still no food. The sit down meal was at 8pm and the hotel forgot about my vegetarian meal. Dancing started at 10pm and all local taxis stopped at midnight so we left to go to our other hotel as we couldn't afford £140 reduced cost at this posh hotel. The marriage only lasted around four years.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 12/06/2019 14:52

Don't seat your divorced-ten-years-ago-but-still-fuelled-by-hatefire parents next to one another with your Mum's new DH because your Mum and her new DH will shit a brick when they realise that as the Bride walks down the aisle with her lovely, lovely Dad, everyone will watch them and nobody will be paying attention to the Brides batshit Mother forcing her to have an actual dicky fit and storm out crying.

Don't marry a man whose Mother believes she's entitled to wear white on the wedding day and who loudly announces "The Bride has totally dropped on, you know; she doesn't earn as much as him". Gaffer tape is your friend when it comes to MILs like this.

Gingernaut · 12/06/2019 14:54

If you're the CF English 'plus one' invited to an Irish wedding, pace your drinking.

There's plenty of cash being put behind the bar (please feel free to put a bit behind yourself), 'free bar' does not mean "drink the bar dry".

tenbob · 12/06/2019 15:03

Don't leave the speeches until the point when everyone is pissed!

The weddings I've been to which have the speeches at the start of the meal/between the starter and main seem to have much better speeches than those who wait right until the end.

People remember the jokes, you don't get hecklers and the speakers haven't worked themselves up into a nervous froth over the entire course of the meal

Original poster
Irishdays · 12/06/2019 15:09

The vicar marrying us has known me since I was born so has the potential to tell some right stories but I trust that he won't!
My fiance is also from a completely different culture and race to me so I'm sure there is more potential there....for example. I am wearing my traditional wedding dress for most of the day but will wear traditional clothing from his culture at the reception. My mum has already nearly cried in front of me (def cried behind my back) about the thought of me not having my first dance in a traditional white wedding dress

OP posts:
BadLad · 12/06/2019 15:13

Don't get married on the day that the local team is playing in the Champions' League final, unless you're going to slow the match.

DuchessDarty · 12/06/2019 15:19

The wedding breakfast and speeches massively overran but as ebony guests we weren't allowed in and were corralled into a small bar for an hour and a half, without as much as a single free drink, watching projections of photos from the actual wedding earlier in the day. I have no real objection to being an evening guest but at least don't treat them like second class citizens when they arrive. (My bolding)

@fadingfast I thought this was a gob-smacking tale of wedding racial segregation for a second until I read the last line and realised it was an unfortunate typo.

DuchessDarty · 12/06/2019 15:20

Bolding fail.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/06/2019 15:44

One of our guests stripped during the photographs. Only time I've seen DH's DGM smile.
Odd looking back but quite funny at the time.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/06/2019 16:04

aroundtheworld my DH started to strip during the reception in front of my Nan (only got as far as undoing his shirt though). He was drunk as trousers. She still thinks it was hilarious 18 years on.

Original poster
Irishdays · 12/06/2019 16:14

hellymart - Yep, making me feel a bit nervous too, :) and yes food, SO important - enjoy your day when it comes

OP posts:
LakieLady · 12/06/2019 16:22

Don't get so pissed that you fail to notice your 3-year old sitting under the top table shouting "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck ..." during the speeches.

DP came back from the lav to find his DS doing just that while his ex, the groom's sister, was paralytic.

fadingfast · 12/06/2019 16:32

Ha @DuchessDarty! I hadn't spotted that Grin Thankfully no racial segregation, otherwise I certainly wouldn't have hung around for an hour and a half!