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Original poster

To expect support from partner

36 replies

spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 11:05

I got bad news yesterday . Not bad in the sense of death or serious illness but bad enough that left me crushed with disappointment and sobbing all day . I rang my partner . We don't normally ring eachother , we use sm to contact eachother . He was surprised with the call but was kind and said the right things .
The news has hit hard and my feeling is that while he was kind and sympathetic for a while, he wanted to move on fast.

I don't see him much due to distance but I thought he might suggest spending more time together this week and weekend as I am truly gutted and would love the support.

I've told him this but no plans have changed for him and his weekend
.
Am I being too needy . I know that I am much more invested than he is but he has a big support network but I don't .

OP posts:
Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 12/06/2019 11:09

Who's idea was contact via sm only? Doesn't sound much of a dp tbh...

adaline · 12/06/2019 11:09

Am I being too needy . I know that I am much more invested than he is but he has a big support network but I don't

That's your problem. Why are you with someone who's so much more invested than you? Why don't you have your own support network?

I'm really sorry you received bad news though Flowers

Moneybegreen · 12/06/2019 11:09

I think it very much depends on what happened.

How long have you been together?

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 11:41

I had received an offer of promotion of sorts , a job that would have sorted out my debt and helped me get away from the miserable job I'm in , but it fell through, after I had told everybody . I am miserable and I don't I feel I cared for. We are together since last autumn .
I get the feeling that he's sick of me moaning about it and expects me to move on. He is going on about how supporting me impacts him rather than just supporting me. For example, he said he was tired and I could see his eyes were glazing over listening to me .almost like he was bored
We always message eachother. That's the way our relationship works .
I'm worried that he is only in the relationship for the good times. This issue is the first obstacle that I've hit since I've met him and I expected more but see that I may be too emotional

OP posts:
Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 12:02

Anyone?

OP posts:
MyOpinionIsValid · 12/06/2019 12:17

I don't see him much due to distance but I thought he might suggest spending more time together this week and weekend ........ I've told him this but no plans have changed for him and his weekend

Really the information is too scant to comment on. What other committments does he have this weekend? Children? Access? Paid for tickets? Long standing committment? Yes it's upsetting, but it is only a job, not matter of life and death. Will you need that much support by Saturday?

How often do you see him? Is it a LDR?

adaline · 12/06/2019 12:28

I wouldn't expect my husband to change his plans for that, let alone someone I'd not even been seeing for a year, I'm afraid.

I appreciate you're disappointed but I don't think it's something that needs full-blown support - especially if that involves rearranging or cancelling plans to accommodate you.

If it only happened yesterday, how long have you been talking to him about it for him to be fed up?

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 12/06/2019 12:30

Clearly sm isn't helping you nurture your relationship is it?
Back to old fashioned phone calls imo if long distance prevents face to face...

nauseous5000 · 12/06/2019 12:44

I don't think I'd expect much more than a hug and a short rant to my partner if that had happened to me. I understand it's disappointing news, but not sure what good him spending his whole weekend with you would do and there's only so much he can say to sympathise

Moneybegreen · 12/06/2019 12:50

What were his plans for the weekend?

Did you ask him to cancel them to see you instead?

IsabellaLinton · 12/06/2019 12:52

I get the feeling that he's sick of me moaning about it and expects me to move on

I can understand that you’re disappointed, but I can see his point. What’s happened has happened - there’s no point in wishing it hadn’t. You’ve got to move on. Complaining and venting may make you feel better, but it’s wearing on him and it’s not going to change the situation. What ‘support’ can he actually give? He can’t change anything for you.

IsabellaLinton · 12/06/2019 13:02

Sorry OP - you’ve said you don’t see him much due to distance and you message each other rather than phone. It doesn’t sound like much of a relationship, to be honest. You’re also much more invested than he is - if that’s the case, why are you bothering?

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 13:23

I can see that I am being very emotional and my judgement is clouded . I have been thinking about how much he is committed to me, Loads lately . I got the impression that he didn't give a shit and felt that my upset was an inconvenience to him. Thanks . I want much more contact than he does so I'm trying to come to terms with this at the moment anyway . The lack of interest is just a symptom of the nature of the relationship

OP posts:
adaline · 12/06/2019 13:42

What's the point in a relationship with someone who's clearly not that into you?

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 13:44

He is into me but has other commitments that cause us not to be together as much as I'd like .

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 12/06/2019 13:49

@spiralgloss he's not married or something is he?...

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 13:51

No! He works hard and travels three hours per day and then is involved in a variety of hobbies

OP posts:
IsabellaLinton · 12/06/2019 14:12

I have been thinking about how much he is committed to me, loads lately.. . I want much more contact than he does so I'm trying to come to terms with this at the moment anyway

It really shouldn’t be this hard. The first stage of a relationship when it’s exciting, you can’t spend enough time together, can’t hear enough of their voice... it doesn’t last forever. What makes you think things will improve?

I don’t want to come across as unkind OP, but it seems a very one-sided relationship. You can’t make him want more commitment or contact. If he wanted it, you’d know by now - no hobbies would be more important than you. Life’s too short to waste, especially on someone who sees you as an option rather than an essential.

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 14:34

I know but he is very lovely and things are going well. I would like some more time with him but this is all he can give me at the moment. I need to decide whether to say in hope that his lifestyle will settle down or go and cut contact. I am crazy for him and it's taken a long long time to meet someone I click with like this .
I can't expect him to drop his friends and hobbies and plans to suit me. Then he would be unhappy with me . Right now, when we are together we get on fantastic . This blip upset me though so was thinking about it

OP posts:
Ringdonna · 12/06/2019 14:42

Hmmmm you sure he hasn’t got someone else?

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 14:50

100%
He is a kind of loner who has a tight circle and specific time consuming hobbies and passions which in time I expect will reduce

OP posts:
IsabellaLinton · 12/06/2019 14:53

I would like some more time with him but this is all he can give me at the moment

I can't expect him to drop his friends and hobbies and plans to suit me

You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself it’s alright that you’re low down on his priority list, and if you wait around long enough he’ll realise your value. Sorry OP, it’s your life and you know the guy, but I’d strongly advise you not to waste your time.

adaline · 12/06/2019 14:58

It doesn't sound like he's very into you at all!

Someone who cared about you would make much more time for you than this man does.

Original poster
spiralgloss · 12/06/2019 16:14

He leaves home at seven and arrives home at seven every day apart from
Weekends. He travels three hours in a car and then comes back to a flat share. He is tired in the evenings and has hobbies, friends and other commitments too so even though I'd like more contact , I have to accept that or not be with him . The contact has improved substantially since we got together but i take the point that contact by messaging isn't ideal . He doesn't like to talk on the phone generally .
I can't see how he could share his life more with me at the moment so I hope that it will improve as our feelings deepen

OP posts:
chamenanged · 12/06/2019 16:23

I would see that as really bad news and sob and want support from my partner too! It's gutting, sorry to hear it OP. Is there any chance of a similar prospect soon?

Your partner sounds like he's maybe just not at the right stage of his life for the type of relationship you're after. I would be thinking about cutting my losses tbh, and focusing on building up my network and looking for another job.

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