I do not like mil and its affecting my judgement

[Goodgollymiss]

Mil has biggest mouth and will not stop talking to literally anyone about dd.. proud first time grandma except..... there is no genuine connection with Ds - I feel. I hate people knowing my family business and find it unsettling that people know so much about the way we are parenting or about ds in general. I know this shouldnt bother me as such but I feel our relationship strained beyond repair

Um - what’s your question? Yes it’s an uncomfortable situation but PIL are a bit of a lottery - can be great, can be meh, can be awful. What do you need changed/comment on?

What exactly is she doing that is 'bad' ?

What do you mean she has no connection to DS but talks incessantly about DD - does she ostracise DS?

Not sure if I'm really honest... just doing my head in I guess

Then yabu. She is allowed to be proud, just chill!

She talks about her GC? Saying good or bad things. Unless she is bad mouthing you why are you so upset

This is where I find it hard to explain... she really isn't doing anything "bad".... speaks very highly of ds, in fact makes out that ds is far superior than any other child..in reality has very little involvement with ds.. is not familiar with ds routine has never changed a nappy , fed or played with ds..

Just ignore her boasting then?

Guess I am being petty .. just irkes me

No one can be too proud or love a child too much.

Totally agree that children should be showered in love...I find it hard to hear - from practical strangers how "obsessed" mil is with ds... how amazing she is for helping us out so much, all she does for ds when in reality she is rarely around

I dont think I am explaining myself right as really I dont want mil involved .. I just hate the pretence

Perhaps her talk is wishful thinking? Maybe she’d like to be around more but is aware she’d be unwelcome?

As a young mum I found my MIL very annoying but in hindsight I think I was quite often touchy and unreasonable due to my own uncertainty and insecurity. I’m very fond of her now and the idiosyncrasies that used to annoy me I now find endearing. And she has always been a loving grandma to my DC.

Tell your mother in law, gently, that you feel uncomfortable about her discussing what is essentially your private business with all and sundry. I'm sure she means no harm but know it would upset me were I in your position, I always liked to keep my home life safe and secure. Maybe I felt insecure, I don't really know. It sounds as though your mother in law is.

Be sensitive about broaching the subject but your concerns are quite valid so you must do it.

How does your partner feel about his mother ?

What is she actually saying that is so bad ? You're not giving us any examples. All you've really said is you dislike your MIL, for no reason other than she lives on the same planet and dotes on her GC!

As I said she isn't speaking badly about ds... alot of what she says to people I'm guessing is made up to suit the conversation.. dh just does alot of eye rolling where his mum is concerned and just says " she will never change" and "ignore her"..."you know what she is like"..

#whyohwhy I do think she had thought prior to ds arrival that she would be more involved but honestly it's getting harder to include her as I get annoyed thinking how she will replay/relive the time spent with ds.

It’s a bit ‘bitch eating those crackers’. You don’t like her so the things she does automatically become annoying because it’s her doing them.

@breathlessness I'm afraid you are right

@bluerussian thank you

That doesn’t mean your original reasons for disliking her are invalid. She might be really awful.

Shes just a gossip really... I have tried to build a relationship in the past but I hate knowing everything I say will be repeated (with an extra tail) she also changes her opinions/beliefs to suit her audience and she cannot stand to see people too happy or too successful...

My MIL is a bit of a gossip 'you know me, I don't repeat anything ' and also changes opinions according to her audience. I've got used to it now I suppose, but it's tiresome.

You very obviously dont like her but really she is sounds harmless. Maybe she feels the need to exaggerate because shebis insecure and trying to make herself look more interesting to others. Her talking in a positive way about your ds really isnt a reason to not involve her more.

Sorry op but I see you as the problem not your mil. Other than do what every dgp does ie talk about her dgc she hasn't done anything wrong!
Yet you "hate" her and are pushing her out of the family why?
You need to get over yourself and let her be more involved maybe then she won't feel the need to exaggerate her involvement